GRACELESS 'GRACELAND' IS ALL SHOOK UP.

Byline: Glenn Whipp Film Critic

``3000 Miles to Graceland'' isn't sure which Quentin Tarantino movie it wants to rip off - ``True Romance'' or ``Reservoir Dogs'' - so it splices both of them together in a heavy-handed, mean-spirited mess. If it seems a little late in the game to be aping Tarantino, it seems later still to be trying to wring some life out of a plot device that centers around Elvis impersonators. Compared to this retread, the King's soundtrack to ``Clambake'' comes off as a model of creativity and invention.

``Graceland'' arrives courtesy of the deadly combination of moribund Morgan Creek Productions and Elie Samaha's Franchise Pictures. Samaha is a producer who specializes in churning out cheap, cliched action vehicles for fading stars; last year, he gave us Sylvester Stallone in ``Get Carter'' and John Travolta in ``Battlefield Earth.'' That Kurt Russell and Kevin Costner would sign up for a tour of duty with Samaha speaks volumes about the state of their respective careers.

Costner seems to be on board for a lark and an opportunity to play a bad guy. The participation of Russell, who's actually the best thing about the movie, makes sense, given that he memorably played Presley in the 1979 telefilm ``Elvis.'' But they're betrayed here by the indecisiveness of the filmmakers, who can't seem to decide if they want to make an ultra-violent bloodbath, a buddy movie about a criminal and a cute kid or a cartoon version of ``Ocean's Eleven.''

Costner is Murphy and Russell plays Michael, former cellmates looking to make a big score in Vegas during International Elvis Week. While the cameras give us plenty of close-up shots of showgirls strutting their stuff, we see Murphy, Michael and three other Elvis pretenders (played by Christian Slater, David Arquette and Bokeem Woodbine) rob a casino's coffers and, after a firestorm that rivals the D-Day landing in ``Saving Private Ryan,'' make off with the loot.

It quickly becomes apparent that these criminals are as different in makeup as Fat Elvis and Sun Sessions Elvis, and there are plenty of suspicious minds to go around. Complicating matters is Cybil, a sexy single mother (Courteney Cox Arquette), whose young son (David Kaye), a career criminal in the making, immediately bonds with Michael. (Michael and Cybil immediately bond, too, but in a different manner.)

The movie's central conflict is outlined in its opening credits sequence, in which two computer-animated scorpions battle to the death to the strains of testosterone-surging, heavy-metal music. But the death struggle between Murphy and Michael isn't particularly interesting because director Demian Lichtenstein, who co-wrote the screenplay with a Brooklyn electrician named Richard Recco, can't stop blowing things up long enough to develop his story or characters.

``3000 Miles to Graceland'' also suffers from a bloated length, a misogynistic spirit and a predominantly humorless tone. (Sample joke: ``What's the best thing about dating homeless girls? You can drop them off anywhere.'') It's an utterly joyless moviegoing experience, the equivalent of a week spent trapped inside a low-rent Vegas casino. If you're unlucky enough to find yourself watching it, you'll want to join Elvis and leave the building.

``3000 MILES TO GRACELAND''

(Rated R: for strong violence, sexuality and language)

The stars: Kurt Russell, Kevin Costner, Courteney Cox, Christian Slater, David Arquette.

Behind the scenes: Directed by Demian Lichtenstein. Screenplay by Lichtenstein and Richard Recco. Released by Warner Bros.

Running time: Two hours, five minutes.

Playing: Citywide.

Our rating: One and one half stars

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Photo: David Arquette, left, Kurt Russell, Kevin Costner, Christian Slater and Bokeem Woodbine strut their stuff as Elvis impersonators in ``3000 Miles to Graceland.''