GOING TO HELL.

The 250 residents of Hell, Michigan, "profoundly aware of the international implications of an official announcement of `Hell freezing over,' keep a watchful eye on the dam in their small southeastern Michigan town." As documented on the Web site www.hell2u.com, "When the water ceases to flow over the dam, Hell has frozen over, forcing people across the planet to make good on promises they never intended to keep."

Over the past couple of years, "The Little Town on Its Way Up" has been working hard to transform itself into a tourist Mecca. On Tax Day, the post office lures folks to town "to slam our Hellish Seal of Disapproval on their state and federal returns." If traveling there for the official "Greetings from Hell" stamp is too much trouble, the Web site offers choices of such greetings for all occasions. For $9.95, they'll even throw in a bottle of Dirt from Hell. At Damnation University (www.damu.com), you can order degrees, diplomas, and all kinds of Dam U apparel.

For couples looking for "something different," Ann Jarema, the manager of the Hell Country Store & Spirits and an ordained minister, performs weddings in Hell. "A common saying is that if a marriage begins in Hell, it can only get better," she told the Chicago Tribune (Oct. 29, 2000). But she admits, "It is a little odd to say, `We are gathered here in Hell to marry so-and-so.'" Even the National Weather Service has a station in Hell, which regularly fields calls from radio stations all over the country inquiring how hot it is in Hell. Other attractions include the "Devil's Passage" haunted house, Hell Days in May, and Helluva Halloweekends in October.