GO: CINEMA: ARNIE - THE GAG MACHINE.

Byline: Tara Cain

Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (12A)

STARS: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Kristanna Loken, Nick Stahl, Claire Danes

DIRECTOR: Jonathan Mostow

BELIEVE it or not it's been 12 years since the last Terminator movie, Judgment Day.

And it's a testament to the enduring appeal of T2 that this second sequel should be the hottest ticket in town.

But those expecting another dark and meaningful slice of cinema action will be sorely disappointed.

This time around the franchise is an eyepopping thrill ride, delivering mayhem and carnage by the truckload, but little else in terms of story or character.

Future rebel leader John Connor (Stahl) is now in his 20s and is living "off the grid" - no telephone, no address, no job - so he is essentially untraceable by Skynet.

But the machines of the future have sent a new Terminator back in time to wipe John out - and this time it's in female form.

The T-X (Loken), or Terminatrix as she is dubbed, is a super-cyborg. Faster, smarter and deadlier than ever. And wouldn't you know it, she stumbles on her primary target in the first five minutes!

Essentially it's the same old story as T2 rehashed and remodelled to make it more widely appealing. Hence the 12A certificate.

Once again Arnie's old killing machine is sent back to protect John Connor. Once again he's pitted against a far superior model. And once again it's two lone fighters battling it out against the machines and fate as John hooks up with a former school chum (Danes) to stop Skynet going on line.

Unfortunately, in trying to make T3 more viewer friendly, director Mostow has only succeeded in making it rather weak.

Too much is played out for gag value, trading on the knowledge of the past two films for a cheap laugh. Hence the embarrassing return of Dr Silberman, a naked Arnie aquiring his trademark leather outfit from a male stripper at a ladies' hen night and, worst of all, Arnie reaching for the obligatory shades out of his top pocket only to find they're a spangly star-shaped pair.

He has made the cold, calculating cyborg in to a bit of a joke who spouts the cheesiest of one-liners for a cheap laugh. You can almost picture the director in the background miming a "nudge nudge wink wink".

In contrast the T-X is great. Steely cool and lethal. Plus it's quite funny seeing Arnie being beaten up by a slip of a girl.

Fans of the first two films will probably find the whole affair rather a waste of time and effort. In fact, it's hard not to suspect this film only exists to make money rather than move the story on.

And the ending will no doubt divide fans of the series - but one thing's for sure it definitely leaves the door wide open for T4.

There is some semblance of plot, but it's really an excuse for a succession of chases, explosions and general mayhem. In fact, most of the emotion and intellect of its predecessors have had to make way for shoot 'em ups and explosions.

All of which is great if that's what you're expecting as the effects are pretty spectacular and the action quite breathtaking.

Just try to ignore the gaping plot holes. I mean, if it's so darn easy to send a Terminator back through time how can it ever end? Why not send one back to kill Sarah Connor as a baby, or her parents, or her parents' parents?