GIVE US MORE THAN LIP SERVICE.

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH

Give it up to the Dodgers for heroically doing what they had to do: Kiss and make up with the coupla over-made-up tongue wrasslers for stupidly tossing 'em out into the Ravine just because snooty folks around them complained about their overzealous reaction to a Darren Dreifort home run.

He does have that effect on some people.

Problem is, flinching to avoid the threat of a civil suit opens up a whole new gooey mess.

Smart move, donating a buncha tickets to some gay and lesbian organizations, putting security people through sensitivity training and giving the gals a pair of really cool seats behind home plate for a game next week.

Especially the latter. It'll make getting that Cecil B. Demented girl-on-girl stuff on Diamondvision that much easier.

But if the Dodgers are now so aroused as to orchestrate a ``Lesbian Appreciation Day,'' just wait'll the backlash in the name of equal rights, equal treatment, equal representation.

If fans run onto the field and moon a player (or unmotivated manager) at their own discretion, is security now inhibiting their right to free cheek speech?

If that fellow who won ``Survivor'' is told he can't go prancing through the pavilion buck naked, is his right to bare arms, legs and saggy midsection being obstructed?

It's one of those greasy poles we keep hearing about and really don't wanna go sliding down. Not ourselves, that is.

Meredith Kott and Danielle Goldey, a.k.a The Lesbians, they made their point. But they also gotta realize they just can't go puttin' on spit-swappin' exhibitions in the name of bring-it-on First Amendment issues.

There's a time and place, and it's not Section 53 during the seventh-inning stretch. Find a Motel 6 with Spectravision. Or, a luxury box in the Stadium Club with Goldie Hawn. . . .

--You mighta also heard that Ms. Kott is better known in some adult film houses as the fabulous Nico Treasures, with a filmography that includes such titles as ``Raunch-O-Rama Dream Girls,'' ``Sodomania Slop Shots,'' ``Sinful Desires,'' ``Knight in Shining Panties,'' ``Far Beyond Filth,'' and ``She Got Game.''

She also had people quickly thinking she got the Dodgers to bend over backward for her simply for the publicity.

Say it ain't so, Nico.

But you know the folks at Fox gotta be thinking there's another prime- time special waiting to be made out of all this.

Howz about ``When Spectator Tongues Attack''? . . .

--They won't take Anthony Mason, but something about Isiah Rider looks attractive to the Lakers? . . .

--They really aren't taking a chance on him, either. By signing J.R. now, they give him plenty of time to mess up his chances before the season starts, well before he becomes a distraction in the middle of the season. . . .

--Vanessa Atler, who missed out on the Sydney trip, is already included in advertisements for the Gymnastics Champions post-Olympic celebration tour that'll be at Pauley Pavilion on Oct. 14 and the Arrowhead Pond on Dec. 14. . . .

--Look up ``cockalorum'' in a dictionary and see if there's a picture of Bob Costas. . . .

--The Billy Crystal flick for HBO on Roger Maris' 61-home run season in '61 includes Anthony Michael Hall in the role of Whitey Ford.

The dweeb from ``The Breakfast Club'' who played a geeky dweeb in ``Sixteen Candles'' who played the incredibly geeky dweeb Bill Gates in ``Pirates of Silicon Valley'' as the greatest left-hander in Yankees history?

Doogie Howser musta been busy.