GETTING HIP TO `MOD' NOSTALGIA.

Byline: Glenn Whipp Daily News Film Critic

Toward the end of the laughably stupid (M)TV update, ``The Mod Squad,'' writer-director Scott Silver tries to pretend that his plot-free movie has been, all along, a savvy, self-referential goof on cop films.

Thus, you have the priceless chance to hear little Claire Danes proclaim (a la Mel Gibson and Danny Glover), ``I'm getting too old for this (stuff).'' Which, to use the ``hip'' lingo of the ``Mod Squad'' universe, I can only reply, ``Duh.''

Even at 19, Danes should be old enough to know better. For starters, ``The Mod Squad'' wasn't all that cool (at least with young people) when it was on television 30 years ago. The kids on the show, after all, were narcs. How hip is that?

But with teen spirit fueling Hollywood's all-mighty quest for a fast buck, the idea of three cool kids playing cops must have sounded like a sure-fire winner. And who knows, in more capable hands, maybe it could have been.

Instead we get drivel. Three adolescents - a smart-aleck rich kid, Pete (Giovanni Ribisi); a ``solid'' dude from the ``hood,'' Lincoln (Omar Epps); and tough cookie Julie (Danes) - have been recruited by a police captain (Dennis Farina) to infiltrate youth culture and bust evil hipsters. Why them? Who knows? The other squares in the department must be too busy scarfing down doughnuts to be able to fit in with the beautiful people.

Faced with the prospect of jail time for their various transgressions, the contentious trio agrees to become undercover cops. Of course, they play by their own rules. That goes without saying. They're solid.

The screenplay gives the actors plenty of room to strike poses, but that's about it. Danes, Epps and Ribisi are talented performers and their presence saves ``The Mod Squad'' from complete unwatchability. But Silver hasn't bothered to give this movie a story and the action scenes would seem out of place (not to mention poorly constructed) in a cartoon.

The movie isn't harder to watch than any of the old '70s cop shows like ``Mannix'' and ``Kojak.'' The thing is, you can see them on television for free. The costumes and soundtrack are rooted in the '70s, too, but spun with a 21st-century sensibility. It's candy for the eye and the ear while the mind drifts and grows nostalgic about Clarence Williams' Afro.

THE FACTS

The film: ``The Mod Squad'' (R; language, violence and some sexuality).

The stars: Claire Danes, Omar Epps and Giovanni Ribisi.

Behind the scenes: Directed by Scott Silver. Screenplay by Silver, Stephen Kay and Kate Lanier.

Running time: One hour, 34 minutes.

Playing: Citywide.

Our rating: One and one half stars.

CAPTION(S):

Photo

Photo: Omar Epps, left, Giovanni Ribisi, Claire Danes and Steve Harris star in the '90s version of ``The Mod Squad.''