Friendship Flubs Forgive 'em or forget 'em?

It's tough when a close pal pulls a fast one on you. Of course, most of the time, it's big of you to (gulp) forgive. But, then again, there are those rare instances when it's OK to say, "See ya!" Can't figure out if she's friend or foe? Maybe our quiz will help....

Your friends are like the most important girls ever. You count on them for lots of laughs, loads of love and, well, life support. So when a gal pal says or does something hurtful to you, it can feel like your heart's been chewed up and spit out onto the pavement.

Maybe your best bud lied about going to a major bash without you. Or maybe she blurted out your embarrassing childhood nickname to the whole ninth grade. Whatever the sitch, BFF betrayal can launch you into an emotional tailspin. Your thoughts might range from, "Why would someone who supposedly cares about me do something so mean?" to "How dare she!" But being confused and upset is the easy part. What to do about it can be harder to figure out.

After you get over the initial shock and anger of your friend's infraction, there could be many strong arguments for friendship forgiveness. But, other times, when the friend's offense is more severe, it's definitely better -- even wiser -- to forget the so-called friendship.

So...how to know the difference? Take our forgiveness challenge, and find out if you should pardon your pal or pull a friendship fahgettabout'er.

1 You and your friend agreed to be partners for the science project. You've been slaving over dinosaur details for days on end. Two days before it's due, you get together for a progress meeting. She hasn't lifted a toe on her half of the research. You: A. Get cracking on your own. At least, if you do it, the project might pull an A-. B. Give her a chance to explain why she didn't live up to her half of the bargain. Then, draw up a plan of action to get the work done. C. Go prehistoric on her. Tell teach she flakier than dried dino droppings, and turn in your half Needless to say, you never speak to her again.

Best bet: B It's highly evolved of you to put your annoyance aside and find out why your friend did what she did before you go Neanderthal. If she has a good excuse -- say, her parents are splitting and she hasn't been able to tell anyone -- she should be forgiven. If her excuse is totally lame (her parrot are it), she gets one chance to make it up to you. After all, priority numero uno is getting the work done -- hopefully, with her help. If she busts major tail and pulls her weight, she's a friend worth forgiving.

While it's tempting to go for A or C, these options aren't exactly friendship-healthy. Going apes, as in C, accomplishes nothing. And, the teacher may not accept your portion anyway.

That's when A may look attractive--just hurrying to get the project finished. But if you do that, you're being her personal doormat. Friendships don't work when one person walks all over another. And if you pull her weight once, you're setting a precedent and she may expect you to do it again. Plus, do you really want a friend who cares so little about your school success? Could be time to make this friendship ancient history.

2 Your friend got busted with a pack of cigs in her backpack. She told her mom the smokes were yours. (They weren't!) So, her mom called your mom to snitch. You:

A. Back her up, saying they're yours. That's what friends do. B. Give her a chance to come clean before you blow her cover. Maybe she panicked when her mom found the cigs. C. Tell both moms those weren't your cigarettes, and toss your friend to the parental wolves.

Best Bet: B If she's true-blue, she won't let you take the heat when she's in the hot seat. While A may seem noble, you shouldn't have to suffer for something you didn't do. Just think of the consequences: Your parents (and hers) won't trust you, and you're likely to get majorly grounded. And what for? Nothing--you didn't do anything! A friend who expects you to take the fall for her flub--ups is toxic.

By doing B, you give your friend an opportunity to prove her integrity and maturity But if your bud doesn't instantly restore your smoke-free rep, go for C--extinguish the friendship and find girls who would never put your butt in the fire.

3 Your pal--a self-proclaimed slob--begged to borrow your white sweater. After enduring some way pathetic pleading, you gave in. Now, she's trying to give you back your once-white, now-Grape-Gatorade-stained sweater. You:

A. Take it back and say nothing, even though you're secretly seething. B. Yell at her, tell her real friends don't ruin innocent sweaters, and then avoid her from here on out. C. Forgive her. But make a mental note to never lend her your stuff anymore.

Best Bet: C IF you already knew your friend is not the tidiest gal in the world, chalk it up to some poor judgment...on your part. That's right. You knew you shouldn't have let her have the sweater in the first place. So take the sweater back, and ban her from your closet for good. Tell her, nicely--but firmly.

A and B are probably pretty enticing since you are steamed about the stain. Hey, you're human, so allow yourself to be peeved--just not permanently--and don't say things you'll later regret. Truth is, you can go to the mall any day of the week and get another sweater. You can't replace a close girlfriend. And if you stay secretly angry, you'll wind up fighting about something stupid later.

In the future, take friends' faults into account. Some can't keep juicy secrets, some can't help you with your math, and others--like this one--simply can't be trusted to borrow your clothes. If you accept your friend's shortcomings, you'll be better at setting bud boundaries.

4 You're stoked to go skiing with the fam, but you're not so psyched about missing the party of the year. But your BFF swears to give you details when you get back. Instead, she gives you a lame five-second rundown. You find out later that she kissed your crush. You: A. Write her off. If her lips were on your guy, your lips won't be speaking to her ever again. B. Take a timeout and work on forgiving her once the shock and anger subside. C. Wish them well, and find a new crush.

Best Bet: B or C Your response depends on how tight you were with the crush. Unless you had a legit claim to him--like you guys have been calling each other--he's pretty much fair game. If you've only admired him from afar, you really don't have much ammo for your anger. You need to be a good supportive friend and wish her well.

On the other hand, if she knew you and your crush were clicking and she kissed him anyway, that's another story. Once you've cooled off, calmly tell her how slammed you feel and why.

If her love crime is slightly more serious (say she smooched your BF, not just a casual crush), things are stickier. Usually, friends don't intend to hurt each other. The exception, of course, would be if a bud were blatantly out to bash you...or "borrow" your boy. That's when you should send little Miss Hotlips packing. But, as a general rule, friendships can last for decades; some boyfriends only last five minutes.

5 Your BFF tells the whole lunch table you just got over a lifelong obsession with your baby pillow (named Patty Cake). Everyone is teasing you, and you're mortified. You: A. Go to her locker after school and demand to know why she's trying to ruin your life. B. Act wounded and steer clear for a few days. C. Tell the lunch crew she practices kissing on her Picky Martin poster.

Best Bet: A B and C aren't good choices, no matter how hurt you are. Acting wounded won't solve the prob. Your anger will just linger. And while dreams of revenge are satisfying and sweet, the actual execution of revenge is ugly. It's normal to think about it--just don't do it. Doing something mean to someone who is mean just makes you meaner. You follow? Not to mention, it could cause all-out mud-slinging fallout.

Now, back to A. Before you get ready to rip, take a sec to think over the sitch. Did your BFF pounce on the Patty Cake story because she thought it was cute and endearing and everyone else at the table was talking about their baby blankies? If it was a conversational slipup, let her know your toddler tales aren't for public consumption, no matter how sweet she thinks they are. But if you feel she had cruel intentions--like she wanted to cut you down in front of your new crush or the popular crew--think twice before keeping her as a pal.

6 You've got a frustrating friend. The second you buy that pair of pink Pumas, she snaps them up too. You cur your long tresses. Next thing you know, she's sporting a pixie as well. She even copies your expressions! Ugh. You: A. Tell (make that yell) it to her straight. You want a friend, not a twin. B. Ignore her and hope it stops. C. Make fun of her behind her back and slowly but surely stop being her friend.

Best Bet: B While it may seem your pal is a little stalkerish, she's likely envious of you. While it can be annoying, it's worth forgiving. She may not have the greatest self-esteem and could benefit from your friendship. Plus, she obviously thinks highly of you! So ignore the copycatting, don't talk about her and be a good friend. She should stop if you let it go long enough. Besides, friends tend to like the same things. Maybe she saw the same picture of Reese Witherspoon's do and liked it too. As far as mimicking your vocab--it can be impossible not to pick up a pal's punchlines!

Avoid a confrontation, like in A. You'll crush her feelings--and her high opinion of you. As for C, you can stop being her pal if she drives you bonkers. But she's likely worth sticking it out for. She'd probably do anything for you!

4 Steps to Forgiving a Friend

We know. Forgiving is easier said than done. But in the right situations, it can make you feel 10 times better. And get this-a recent stanford University study says people who let it go have less stress and anger. Forgivers have fewer head and tummy pains, too. Here are some helpful hints from Cherie Carter-Scott, author of if High School is a Game, Here's How to Break the Rules:

1 Analyze her intentions. If she was means, you have every right to take you time forgiving. But if her mistake was innocent, let it go.

2 Quiz yourself. Have you ever been guilty of doing the same thing she did? If so, it should be harder to stay mad.

3 Make her work for forgiveness: Make a mental list of what she needs to do to make things right. If she's willing to do whatever it takes youlve got a friend worth forgiving.

4 Form a pact Talk with her about your friendship. Promise that neither of you will do things to Intentionally hurt one another.

3 Reasons Why You shouldn't Take Revenge

When you're mad, It's normal to want to get even. But don't. If watching Heathers, Jawbreakers and Jay and Silent Bob aren't reasons' enough to avoid paybacks, here are a few more consequences to keep in mind...

1 You could start a vicious cycle. If she spread a lie about you, she could do it again-only worse. So spreading nasty rumors about her is likely to make your current situation worse.

2 You'd be stooping to the same low level. Say your friend did something rally nasty. People are going to notice it and think badly of her. If you do something equally mean in retaliation, you look like a hateful person too. You'll lose your sympathy vote.

3 You'll feel like moldy garbage. The truth is, revenge makes you feel awful about yourself. OK, so maybe it's exciting for a fleeting moment. But then you're stuck thinking about the horrible thing you did. That is so not fun.