Friends for life. And health.

I had planned an outing with my friend Debbie. The first time it was canceled because she forgot and I came down with a sinus infection. The second time she called about an hour before we were going to leave and said her sitter backed out because one of her kids was sick.

"We can go some other time if you want," she said apologetically. "Or you can go with one of your other friends."

How cute! I thought. She thinks I have other friends!

It really should have scared me because "multiple studies have shown that people who score on the lowest end of the `social participation' scale-an index of basic human contacts--have three to five times the chances of dying prematurely as those on the high end. The numbers suggest that social isolation is a killer equivalent to--or more significant than--established risk factors like high blood pressure and lack of exercise--even smoking cigarettes."(*)

If friends add years to our lives, then mine will be pretty short. You'd think I would be an expert at making friends, really, because I was never in the same school for more than two years in a row. Instead, it taught me not to get too close to people because they--or I--wouldn't be around long.

Recent studies show that friends who provide a good social support system actually boost your immune system. This is especially important when you are under stress. And hey, this is the nineties--if you aren't under stress, you'd better have someone check your blood pressure, because you're probably dead.

Conversely, a lack of friends or the lack even of a perceived support system that results in a poor frame of mind can cause the release of harmful hormones that can damage the immune system.

Still, simply having friends is not the answer, since some friends cause more distress than they alleviate. Relationships aren't static things. They evolve as people mature and change, develop new interests and leave parts of themselves behind. And sometimes they go sour. If you constantly feel bad after relating to a friend, you might want to consider terminating the friendship.

Having a friend is a privilege and a responsibility as well as a factor in our overall health. Friends not only fill the ache of loneliness in our lives, but provide us with the opportunity to meet their needs as well. And though they may occasionally let us down or betray us, friendship is more than worth the risk, and "there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother" (Proverbs 18 24, NIV)([dagger]) who will never let you down.

(*) Ann Japenga, "A Family of Friends," Health, November/December 1995.

([dagger]) Texts credited to NIV are from the Holy Bible, New International Version.

RELATED ARTICLE: 4 Ways to Improve Your Social Support System

1. Frequent places that can foster good intimate relationships such as places of worship.

2. Pursue hobbies you enjoy. Join clubs, travel with a group, locate support groups that deal with specific problems.

3. Be prepared to share yourself when you find someone who is interested in starting a relationship. Develop good listening skills.

4. Provide a service. Be a volunteer. Helping others can be a springboard to intimacy

Adapted from Bryant Stamford, "Body Shop," Gannett News Services, Dec. 6, 1995.