Football: Silly Fjuckers demand name change.

Byline: David PRENTICE

HERE'S a heart warming Christmas message to the good folk of Twatt, a charming town with an unfortunate name on the Orkney Islands.

Twatts (or whatever residents of that town call themselves) can take solace from the fact that there are, indeed, people worse off than themselves.

Those exhaustive monitors of the media, Football365, unearthed the following reference from The Local, Sweden's premium English news website. As someone who still smirks at mention of German midfielder Kuntz, and laughs out loud whenever he hears Brian Johnston's immortal "the bats- man's Holding, the bowler's Willey," it's my undoubted story of the week.

"The good burghers of the Swedish village of Fjuckby have decided they've had enough of being the butt of fjuck jokes and are demanding a rebrand," reports The Local.

"The Fjuckers finger globalisation as the principal cause of their woes, which 'has led to rude English-language associations that the villagers could do without'. To add insult to injury, Fjuckby also contains the Swedish word juck, meaning 'hump' in the local lingo.

"Katriina Flensburg wrote a heartfelt letter to the National Heritage Board on behalf of her fellow Fjuckers. It read: 'There should not be any doubt at all that the pronunciation and spelling of the place name 'Fjuckby' today arouses ridicule, teasing, and hilarity in the general public'"

The Carry On team have an awful lot to answer for.