Foods for thought.

"FOOD" IS A WORD open to liberal interpretation, and very few carbon-based items fail to fit the bill.

Who knew so much edible material lurked in so many unlikely places?

How mortified the kawaii Jimminy Cricket would be to see a bowl of stir-fried grasshopper (inago). In some countries, old horses become glue, but in Japan they find their way into izakayas--and this, I reckon, is why I've yet to find an envelope here that properly seals.

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Fugu (blowfish) is still consumed here. I say "still" because for some reason, ever since that first person died on a minuscule bit of poison accidentally scraped from the "do-not-eat" parts of the pin cushion of a fish, the Japanese have continued to resist the possibility that it may be an unsafe food. Yet dozens die each year, mostly amateur chefs trying to slice it up at home. "Amateur" is a word best reserved for ping pong--not poisonous entrees.

I can envision the first time a fugu was hauled from the sea and served to a ravenous family. Kenji, the eldest child, suddenly went numb, his lips blue and cold. Hiroshi followed, then Akiko, before someone realized that some part of the fish was a finisher.

Logic is not on the side of fugu. My friends in defense of the menacing fish say that the fear of fugu excites the tongue. Well, eating a tuna sandwich on rye with mayo in the middle of a highway is dangerous, but I wouldn't go so far as to call an oncoming car the spice of life.

As for the argument that fugu chefs have licenses, I say: so do Tokyo Taxi drivers. You make the call.

Seaweed is just that. The English name for it is appropriate: "weed." Yet here, there is an enormous range of types and names: hijiki, nori, wakame, konbu, et cetera (and that's a big "et cetera").

Shimoda, in case you didn't know, is famous for seaweed. Niigata is famous for rice. Shizuoka is famous for green tea. Of course, Hokkaido is famous for crab.

It seems that every region in this country is famous for something. I can count a thousand villages that are famous for soba. I think the phrase, "famous for," is being a tad abused.

So I'm sorry, Hachijojima, but you can't be "famous for ashitaba." Because I, along with the greater portion of the human race, don't even know what the hell ashitaba is--or where exactly Hachijojima is.

Therefore you are only famous for being a small island no one knows about, and ashitaba is just one more thing that, while edible, isn't for that sole reason automatically ... food.

Food is not that which is simply edible. Possible death is not a condiment. And for the love of god, raw is one thing--but at least let the octopus die before you eat it.

Fugu, anyone?