Food for Your Funny Thoughts.

Can't Beat the Price

The Yelm Community Schools in Yelm, Wash., take seriously their commitment to engage the public in any way they can. This extends to the lunch hour when the schools welcome parents and other community members to come to the school cafeteria for a meal.

Parents of one student at Fort Stevens Elementary School regularly availed themselves of the low-cost fare to join their son for lunch. Principal Tom Churchill noticed these parents continue to show up at his school to purchase lunch even though the student has moved on to another school in the district.

Speculates Churchill: "I assume that now that he is in middle school, he no longer wants them to eat with him at school. Therefore, they come to our elementary to continue their lunch tradition. The father calls it, 'The best takeout in town.'"

Let 'em Eat Stale Bread

In protest of the repeated food fights, including one involving more than 50 students that broke out in the school cafeteria at Paul V. Moore High School in Central Square, N.Y., the lunch staff stopped cooking hot meals. For two days, students could only buy cold sandwiches and soup.

When some parents beefed about the five-day suspensions leveled at their perpetrating students, the school administrator offered an alternative: Eat lunch with your child in the cafeteria for five days.

Parents of all 15 suspended students accepted.

Another Happy Customer

On the first day of school last year, Steve Sedlmayr, who is superintendent in Alma, Wis., met a 1st-grade class standing in the lunch line. He greeted the students as they waited their turn.

Sedlmayr asked one boy if he was glad to be back in school following his summer vacation. He wasn't at all prepared for the child's response.

The boy put his hands on his hips and stated matter-of-factly: "Well, I'm here, ain't I?"

A Capital Crime?

Electronic messaging now gives students access to top school officials in ways that did not previously exist. John Slattery views that as a positive development. He received the following e-mail from a student in the Thousand Islands Central Schools in northern New York, where he is the superintendent:

I have a question.

How can I be taken out of all extractivies after school when i was never caught at the football game wiith acohol and was never drinking it at it in the first place. in the middle of the game me and others left the footbal game and started drinking it, we were neve found at the football.

And other thing, i did not admite it to Mr. King that i was at the football game with posation of alcohol and he told me parents that i did.

He also told them that that the police caught us at the football game, they did not. I told Mr. king that we were picked up a block away. But he told otherwise, i know that you probably can not doing anyhting about this but, i thought i hould try.

Sign, conserned Student

Slattery, after explaining the school district's policy on use of alcohol, tobacco and drugs to the student, gently offered some unsolicited advice: "Do some work on capitalization as well as spelling and keyboarding."

Short humorous anecdotes, quips, quotations and malapropisms for this column relating to school district administration and school board governance should be addressed to: Editor, The School Administrator, 1801 N. Moore St., Arlington, Va. 22209-1813. Fax: [phone]. E-mail: [e-mail]. Upon request, names may be withheld in print.