Florida will kill us all: Tampa Am Trip 2007.Orlando THERE'S NO USE even trying to explain the original intent of this trip. To spell it out This article or section contains unconfirmed rumors and/or speculation. Information must be and based on . Please remove rumors and speculation and discussion from the article. now would only be acknowledging how ridiculous the idea was, and how sadly it fell off course. There's no point, really. Let's just say it involved pleasure boats and a Suzuki Samurai and leave it at that. For the purpose of this article, let's pretend that no other plan had even occurred to us other than to fly cross-country to attend the Surf Industry of America trade show in fabulous Orlando, followed by a week of street-style, before ending at the 2007 Tampa Am. Volcom hosted a pro mini-ramp contest on a ramp that was about 200-feet wide with all sorts of exciting obstacles all over it. I really intended to shoot it, but pulled a Late Larry and got denied platform access. Rune McTwisted off the over-vert extension, and Karl Beard tore it to first. None of our guys made the cut, but I did spot Florida legend Buck Smith Buck Smith (born July 22, 1965 in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma) is a professional boxer in the cruiserweight (190lb) division. Although Smith has never been considered more than a journeyman fighter, he is one of boxing's all-time knockout kings with 118 KO's [1], and is also in the crowd. Guess he couldn't get on the deck either. We skated Tim Kulas' killer homemade bowl and those brick quarterpipes, the likes of which haven't been skateable anywhere else in the United States United States, officially United States of America, republic (2005 est. pop. 295,734,000), 3,539,227 sq mi (9,166,598 sq km), North America. The United States is the world's third largest country in population and the fourth largest country in area. since the early '80s. The fact that they were even built is amazing, so our getting to shred them uninhibited uninhibited /un·in·hib·it·ed/ (un?in-hib´i-ted) free from usual constraints; not subject to normal inhibitory mechanisms. for over two hours during a trade show weekend should count as a minor miracle. And all the tricks Javier Mendizabal did? That's just his regular shit. Salad Orgy ELISSA STEAMER Elissa Steamer (b. July 31 1975, Fort Myers, Florida) is an American professional skateboarder currently residing in San Francisco, California. History Elissa Steamer began skateboarding in 1989, turning pro in 1998 when she won the women's street section at Slam City Jam IS DEFINITELY TUNED IN to life's finer things, and in Orlando she narrowed her focus on a restaurant called Souper Salad, or Salad Crazy, or something like that, and wouldn't shut up until we took her there. The difference between one of these all-you-can-cram salad restaurants and a more conventional, non-salad-themed smorgasbord is the smug look on the patrons' fat faces as they lurch along in the line. "I just love it because it's all so fresh and healthy!" they'll exclaim ex·claim v. ex·claimed, ex·claim·ing, ex·claims v.intr. To cry out suddenly or vehemently, as from surprise or emotion: The children exclaimed with excitement. v. , as they carefully select their sliced red peppers and miniature corn on the cobs. "Beautiful!" But like our crew, they'll abandon their one-third-eaten mountain of ranch-soaked greens in the first eight minutes, and quickly fill a second plate with the other crap they offer--namely microwave pizza, Texas toast Texas Toast is a thicker variation of pre-sliced packaged bread of the 'Wonder Bread' variety[1]. The name is somewhat misleading as it is not toast when it is sold this way. , macaroni macaroni: see pasta. and cheese, chili, and similar items that look straight out of a junior high cafeteria. Top that off with an Oreo-heavy trip to the ice cream suicide station and you're looking at a healthy 2,500-calorie "salad" fit for a massive infarction. Elissa left completely satisfied. Miami TRY AS WE MIGHT to escape the South Beach Best Western pool area and hit the streets, a minimum of 8 to 10 of our 16 waking hours was spent posted up under the gently fluttering white umbrellas. As soon as one half of our crew got motivated to go skate, they'd discover that the other half had just left to get pizza. Then when the pizza people got back, that would remind the first group that they too were hungry and should probably go get some pizza. Having finished their slices, the first pizza group would decide that the best way to get the grease off their finger was to go for a quick dip in the ocean. Then Elissa would go take a nap. Then it would start sprinkling. Then it would get dark. Once it got dark, that would mean it wouldn't be out of line to go for a quick beer, thus setting off an entire other set of distractions. Sooner or later, we'd all end up back by the pool where, under best circumstances, we'd make a plan and go skate, and worst, well, you can imagine. Actually, none of it was that bad. There was no worst part. In fact, fucking around by the pool was the best part of the whole trip. I don't even know why I'm trying to paint it as anything different. Miami's great. Go there and get weird. Dill JASON Jason, in Greek mythology Jason, in Greek mythology, son of Aeson. When Pelias usurped the throne of Iolcus and killed (or imprisoned) Aeson and most of his descendants, Jason was smuggled off to the centaur Chiron, who reared him secretly on Mt. Pelion. DILL WAS ONE of the first pro skaters I ever shot photos with when I moved to California in the late 1990s. Although our relationship was perfectly amiable, I was a total novice trying to get my shit together (in photography and the world of professional skateboarding), and I've always felt like he and I were never really on the same page. I felt like we never really clicked, whatever the hell that means. In the following years, I've admired Dill from afar as he morphed from an average-seeming weed-and-rap-obsessed crooked grinder Grinder A slang term for a person who works in the investment industry and makes small amounts of money at a time on small investments, over and over again. Notes: into a very interesting character with his own sense of style and take on skateboarding. So it was on this trip that we were to become reacquainted. After about two half-conversations, I realized that our lack of connection 10 years earlier had nothing to do with my inexperience or shyness. It had everything to do, however, with the fact that Dill has little or no interest in anything not dealing directly with Dill. In fact, I've never met anyone who can steer the topic of a conversation towards themselves so effortlessly and consistently. "Does anyone want to go get pizza?" you might ask. "Did you know I fucked Chef Boyardee's daughter?" he'll respond. It's really amazing. But rather than get irritated, you can't help but just kick back and enjoy the show as the conversation jettisons off into a monologue--usually one far more interesting than whatever you were previously talking about anyway. It must be one of those traits that celebrities master. Which is why I realized that Dill and I are never going to be bros. I'm just not cut out for it, and that's fine. I've always been better off as a fan. Swamp Fever swamp fever: see leptospirosis. I'VE GOTTEN SICK every single time I've gone to Florida. While the plane ride, hotel AC, sweaty high fives, and general swampiness of the Tampa area are all likely culprits, I point the snot-covered finger directly at the stagnant bog of sewage that runs directly in front of the park. This fetid fetid /fet·id/ (fe´tid) (fet´id) having a rank, disagreeable smell. fet·id adj. Having an offensive odor. fetid having a rank, disagreeable smell. drain, the famous Tampa Moat, which a nude and very drunk Brian Schaeffer once leapt into from the skatepark roof, consistently out-produces the actual park in terms of photo gold and sustained laughs. But it's still, as the name suggests, a moat--ie--a river of liquid so disgusting and dangerous that no one should dare cross it. Treat it like hot lava. Like hot, shit-scented lava. Clifford put us up in the soundly hepatitis-free Marriott, which I saw as a good first sign of staying healthy. At the contest, I further insulated myself from germs by adopting the embarrassing "nucks" form of greeting rather than an adult handshake. "'Sup, bro?" I mean, how much staphylococcal staphylococcal pertaining to Staphylococcus spp. staphylococcal clumping test used as a means of measuring the quantity of fibrinogen-split products in a sample of blood. bacteria could really be transmitted by two men just tapping knuckles? By day three I felt like I'd surely beaten whatever sick I could have possibly contracted, and jockeyed aggressively at the moat's edge to photograph the poor confused contestants as they traded their health and dignity for a shot at a prize drawn from the SPOT shop's bargain bin Bargain bin refer to an unsorted selection of merchandise, particularly softwares, tools and CDs, which have been discounted in price. Reasons for the discount can range from the closure of a production company to a steep decline in an item's popularity in the aftermath of a fad or . It was then that I leaned in a hair too close, just in time to watch a child fall with a mucky splash and personally catch a slorping line Of gray moat water directly up my right nostril nostril /nos·tril/ (nos´tril) either of the nares. nos·tril n. A naris. nostril either of the two apertures (nares) of the nose that lead into the nasal cavity. . I immediately tried to farmer-blow it back out as I ran to the skatepark bathroom in search of soap--a pointless gesture as that room is the second-most disgusting place in Tampa after the moat (and where the soap dispenser might have been, there was instead a crudely drawn vagina). In the end, I rubbed some of the snack bar hand sanitizer sanitizer a sanitizing product capable of cleaning and disinfecting; usually a formulation containing a disinfectant and a detergent. around the edges of my nose and waited. Within 20 minutes my sinuses were filled with concrete, and I was swallowing back phlegmatic phlegmatic /phleg·mat·ic/ (fleg-mat´ik) of dull and sluggish temperament. phleg·mat·ic or phleg·mat·i·cal adj. 1. Of or relating to phlegm. 2. sand. Titans of the Pit JUST AS THEY'VE TAKEN OVER the feet of every skateshop employee in the US, Nike has grabbed the reigns of the Tampa event, which meant a fancy new street course, and even fancier entertainment in the form of a free concert starring post-punk, early-skate-video-favorites Dinosaur Jr. I'm honestly not sure if skaters even go to shows these days, but a big part of my youth was getting to see my favorite My Favorite is an independent synthpop band from Long Island, New York. They released two CDs: Love at Absolute Zero and Happiest Days of Our Lives. My Favorite broke up on September 14, 2005, when singer Andrea Vaughn left the band. bands play live. And since the music I liked leaned towards' the punk rock, a regular hazard of attendance was dealing with people who would get so excited about the songs that they'd want to take off their shirts, elbow your girlfriend in the throat, and then swirl around punching and kicking everything in their path. I saw Fugazi play at least 10 times, and there wasn't a single show where Ian didn't stop rocking to get the pit jocks to quit putting people in suplexes. Maybe it was my changing musical tastes (not too much crowd surfing crowd surfing n. The action or diversion of being passed by hand above a densely packed crowd, as at a rock concert. at Belle and Sebastian), or maybe the mosh pit mosh pit n. An area in front of a concert stage in which audience members mosh. maniacs all got DUIs and couldn't make it anymore, but I hadn't dealt with the swirling circle of fury in 10 years until the Nike Dinosaur Jr show. Now I don't want to get down on retard kids out having fun doing what they've seen on TV, but no sooner did Lou and J hit the stage than 8 or 10 grown men stomped through the fans who'd been waiting patiently for an hour, took off their shirts, and commenced the pit of pain. The typical course of events follows like this: big shirtless jocks start swirling and punching. People who waited for hours 'to be in the front get jostled, and start pushing the jocks back. Jocks, being jocks, get in the faces of the front-row pushers, flex on them, and maybe poke them in the chest. Stalemate. Jocks start up the pit again. At this point the heavier moshers will have worked up a good all-over sweat, which will soon be wiped, via their tattooed and zitty backs, directly to the side of your face when they stumble backwards into you. Next comes the evacuation of all but the sturdiest of front row diehards, giving clearance for stage diving Stage diving is the act of leaping from a concert stage onto the crowd below. It is the precursor to crowd surfing. Initially seen as confrontational and extreme, stage diving has become common at rock music performances. opportunities. I don't think they were expecting such a rowdy crowd at a corporate gig, so Dinosaur Jr had no security, allowing all comers all who come, or offer, to take part in a matter, especially in a contest or controversy. - Bp. Stillingfleet. See also: Comer to jump up willy-nilly, stare awkwardly at J Mascis for a few seconds, raise their fists in triumph, and then cartwheel back into the crowd, who generally parted to let them splat See asterisk. 1. splat - Name used in many places (DEC, IBM, and others) for the asterisk ("*") character (ASCII 0101010). This may derive from the "squashed-bug" appearance of the asterisk on many early line printers. 2. to the concrete. Someone karate kicks someone's girlfriend in the face on a stage flip, and the next thing you know people are whaling on each other. Most of the time this is the point where the band steps in, and, with all the authority of a substitute social studies teacher, Lou Barlow politely requested a ceasefire. Which might have gotten some results in the old days, but this is 2007 and none of the pit maniacs even knew who the band was anyway. "Fuck you, old man! Play some Foo Fighters Foo Fighters are an American rock band formed by musician Dave Grohl in 1995.[1] The group is named after a secret military operation during World War II which researched UFOs ("Foo" being the slang term for a UFO). !" From there it's an endurance test endurance test n → prueba de resistencia endurance test n → test m d'endurance endurance test endurance n of who will get tired first--the band or the jocks. In most cases, you'll walk from the last encore to find your former attackers already at the head of the beer line. And even if you're tempted to say something like, "Hey, thanks for kicking me in the eyeball See eyeballs and eyeball driven. ," don't bother. They'll have no idea what you're even talking about. Antwuan ANTWUAN CAME OUT of his shell at Tampa, shedding any lingering ideas that he was some sort of "gentle giant" as he pounded hard liquor hard liquor A popular term for beverages with a high–often > 30% by volume–ie, 60 proof alcohol content–eg, gin, rum, vodka, whiskey; HLs are preferred by alcoholics as a steady state of low-level inebriation is easier to maintain. See Standard drink. , got in fist fights, danced around the course during people's runs, and generally made a spectacle of himself. While some openly compared him to another famous contest trainwreck, Sean Sheffey, I don't think he's quite there yet. He may have hampered a few people's crooked grinds, but at no point did Antwuan don a bright blue wig, pitch a glass bottle full speed into the crowd, or whip someone's ass while completely naked in a hotel lobby at five in the morning. I'm not saying he couldn't do it someday. Sheffey was almost 30 when he threw French Fred off the Dortmund pyramid, after all. But Antwuan's still a teenager. He's got at least 10 years of hard skating before he needs to get that rowdy. The Worst Date Ever WHEN GOING ON A DATE, there's always a little anxiety. Will she laugh at my jokes? What if I get food stuck in my teeth? A typical concern for most normal people, however, is not: "What if we get so shit-house wasted that neither of us can talk, walk, or even stay awake for more than 45 seconds at a time?" This was the situation for a couple I encountered at the late-night pizza window in Tampa's Ybor City. As I was ordering my slice I noticed that the woman next to me had started to slump. Despite her date's attempts to steady her, she slid further and further down, pressing her chest against her slice and smearing it against the glass before flopping onto her ass. I looked at the dude and realized that he was almost as wasted as she was. "It's all right. She's my girlfriend," he kept slurring. I helped him get her into a chair, after which he feebly tried to revive her by feeding her a bite of his pizza. "You gotta eat something, baby!" he said while sticking the business end of the slice into Verb 1. slice into - move through a body or an object with a slicing motion; "His hand sliced through the air" slice through go, locomote, move, travel - change location; move, travel, or proceed, also metaphorically; "How fast does your new car go?"; "We her gaping, semi-conscious mouth. Though she was totally zorched and he could barely stand up straight, he next decided they should start walking and lifted her from her chair only to stumble backwards with her in his arms, both of them body slamming into the sidewalk At this point people had started to gather and gawk, and I couldn't help but take photos as the dude ate his pizza, while his lady lolled from one ridiculous pose to another. Readers of last year's Tampa article will know that this sort of photography is all the rage General Public's All the Rage was released in 1984 by I.R.S. Records. Track listing
"Hey! That's my girlfriend!" he repeated one more time. And even though he could barely walk, the drunk dude wobbled to his feet, snatched the camera from the surprised shutterbug shut·ter·bug n. Informal An enthusiastic amateur photographer. Noun 1. shutterbug - a photography enthusiast enthusiast, partizan, partisan - an ardent and enthusiastic supporter of some person or activity , and smashed it to pieces on the ground. The crowd gasped, and the fight was on. The broken camera dude grabbed the drunk dude and punched him in the face. As his glasses went flying and his brow spurted blood, the drunk dude fell backwards and sat directly on his girlfriend's head, who was positioned sitting Indian style behind him. The tussle continued for a few more cringe-worthy minutes--the drunk guy battling the shutterbug while still astride a·stride adv. 1. With a leg on each side: riding astride. 2. With the legs wide apart. prep. 1. On or over and with a leg on each side of. 2. his hopefully soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend's dome. Eventually the cameraman realized that no amount of pummeling the drunk dude was going to get his Elph back and moved on. "Great! Now I can't drive home!" the drunk dude wailed, as he searched for his broken glasses. I swear to God he said that. Finally a nice guy helped the two pathetic creatures on their way while his Guido buddies chided him. "Don't get none a that blood on you, Pauly!" The worst date ever was officially over, and so too was our trip to Florida. TAMPA AM 2007 RESULTS 1. Felipe Gustavo 2. Sierra Fellers Sierra Fellers (born December 30, 1986) is a professional skateboarder (as of early 2007) currently skating for Foundation Skateboards, Venture Trucks, C1RCA Footwear, FKD Bearings, Nixon Watches, and CCS. Sierra is also a devout Christian. 3. Grant Taylor 4. David Gonzales 5. Evan Smith Evan Smith (b. April 20, 1966) is the current Editor in Chief of Texas Monthly. Born in New York, Smith has a bachelor's degree in public policy from Hamilton College and a master's degree in journalism from the Medill School of Journalism at Northwestern University 6. Ruben Rodriguez 7. Chris Troy 8. Justin Figueroa 9. David Loy 10. Donovan Piscopo Javier Mendezibal relaxes his mind and floats upstream at Kulas' backyard trip-out [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Casually gnar, Javier whips a sugarcane at a spot that has no business even existing [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] After getting lost trying to find another spot, Eric "Fletch fletch tr.v. fletched, fletch·ing, fletch·es To feather (an arrow). [Probably back-formation from fletcher.] " Fletcher spotted this rail and switch frontside flipped it [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] After missing the cut in the street event, Ben Raybourn entered the vert and learned Mc Twists in 20 minutes [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] The Bruiser bruis·er n. Informal A large, heavyset man. bruiser Noun Informal a strong tough person, esp. a boxer or a bully Noun 1. from Belfast, Conhuir Lybb, can really crank a kickflip [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] David Gonzales gets fancy where most dudes just axle stalled [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Tampa's resident street star, Abdias Rivera, drops a frotnside flip at a spot he's skated for years. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] |
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