Florida's insane: all I have to say 'bout Florida is that it's one strange place. I can't even describe the awkwardness about it, but it is the East Coast tropical getaway. Git chu-sum, boy!

FIBER RIDER @ HILER'S

This obstacle lies deep in the Florida swamp forest at a dude named Hiler's. This project has nothing to do with Tim Payne, and Tim even left me several messages stating this matter, even though he did build the Fiber Rider. You gotta know these dudes somehow, and it's an invite only spot. I think they take this really seriously and have guns and stuff. I heard them in the distance as I was shooting film and missed my target 'cause I ducked.

"His name is Al Partanen" did a number of tricks in the Fiber Rider at Hiler's, and this is only one of them. I didn't even get a chance to skate this thing because of all the Kodak moments or I would tell you what it was like. I almost fell walking on it, so it was definitely a slippery slide. I almost got in a fight with Beau 'cause he kept getting in my shot. I used to listen to Bad Brains a lot too. I felt like doing a stage dive onto his death lens.

ORLANDO

Gaddamm! Look at this thing! Look at his face! I wish I was Matt Moffett doing this Stalefish in Orlando. I don't even know what else to say. All I can do is imagine my head pasted in front of Matt's. waving at the camera, saying, "Hi, my name is Brayden. Do you like the size of my stalefish? That's great! So, do you like the size of my stalefish? Would you mind standing on your toes for me? The Orlando park looks just great from up here! You got anything to drink? Maybe I'll fly over to Will's shop for some T-shirts. When I come down, let's go bowling and leave that sketchy dude at the park," Did I mention that it's OK to say that this park was built by Team Pain? And no, I don't think you can bring your guns.

ST. AUGUSTINE

St. Augustine is one of the funnest parks built by Team Pain. Everything connects, and I wish I was as good as Kyle Berard is at skating this park. Remember to change your name if it's Kyle Berard and you do backside hurricanes, and to change shoes you were the same Halloween shoes as "His name is Al Partanen." Mike Peterson tears this place up as well. I've never seen anyone do a transfer like Mike's in my life--20 times too, due to the fact that I had to wait on Beau again. "Tis park makes you wear helmets sometimes, and luckily we were excused, or Mike's photo would have ended up with Kulas' and Berard's, back on my light table.

DAVE'S POOL IN JACKSONVILLE

I love this photo I feel like I made Al do this here crailslide, nut I'm glad I did. Sometimes BGP's are good I'm going to use BGP's as much as I can from now on. I thought Dave's beer was jumping out of the can at first, but I soon realized that it was his shirt. How rad would that have been?

This crew put up a specific sign saying that us here photographer s and videographers could only shoot it we grinded. I think I did an edger, which sort of counted 'cause the pool was still drying from the light rain This is also not to be mentioned as a Team Pain project. This here is Dave's pool, and Dave and his boys built this thing by themselves, boy "His name is Al Partanen" is doing what is known as a backside lipslide over the shallow stairs. First one I've ever seen.

SARASOTA

James is one fast motherfucker. Can I say motherfucker? Look at Lance Mountain's face. He's saying: "Woah!, that's one fast...." Well, he probably wouldn't say motherfucker, especially in front of that kid on the right who is saying: "Goddamn, that's one fast mothertucker!" This dude makes everyone want to skate. Way to keep the photo girls on their toes, James. She's actually looking at me though; checking the photo gear, getting wet. The pool guys are stoked on the realness of this pool in a skatepark. I like the checkerboard tile. I need some for my bathroom. I'm building a pool there. Will you build it like the one in Sarasota, Team Pain? Maybe the skate patrol at Sarasota won't make me wear' my helmet if it's at my house.

I like the sunset in these photos as well. Maybe they are '80s? I can't believe this is getting run even though he's wearing a helmet, but the helmet police were pretty strict at Sarasota. They got us Checkers, though, Do they have Checkers in California? Well, all I gotta say is spicy fries, I'm getting hungry. Maybe it was in reference to the checkerboard tile in the pool? Josh Maready's rock-fakie is pretty crazy, I almost got soft-served carving this 'tang, and he's all upside down free-fallin' and shit. Remember Tom Petty? He had that song in the '80s, with Kete Rosecrans on a mini-ramp, "And I'm fine ... free refills."

TALLAHASSEE

Tim Payne, of learn Pain, respectively, isn't too hyped on this baby of his that much I like it, though. I always have fun in Tallahassee Maybe because I suck, and it has cool lines for suckers. Ben Andrews did this handplant and inspired everyone else with us to try and learn them I wish I had video footage of it all.

What in the Sam-Hell! Lord a-willin' and the creek don't rise! What do you think yer doin' Mike Peterdong? Whatchya' call this here trickeroo? Looks like sum Gator Hater shit to me. Wher'er the Crawfish boy? Git chu sum. Better put some Louisiana hot sauce on it! Mike Peterson was born, raised, and currently lives in Florida.

OVIEDO

Matt comes through with a frontside 'cane at the Oviedo park without a helmet, dawg! Boo-yeah! These dudes at this park are ultra weird. They followed us relentlessly around the park checking our helmet situation. They even made Tim pay, even though "Team Pain" built the thing. They based their $12.00 price at a PUBLIC! park by a "going out of business" park down the street. Great! This park is already doing such a great service for the community. It's a great way to make it so kids with no money have nothing to do so you can get those Dockers. You need five workers at a skatepark to make the two kids that can afford to go there wear their helmets. This has everything to do with the community, and nothing to do with GREED! Free Oviedo!

You should read Free Oviedo's profile on Friendster. It is a male park, looking for all types of relationships from female parks. I'm looking for some female parks too. Free Oviedo is also in an open marriage, but with what park? Freeskateparks.com is a site where you should add to the list of' complaints, hopefully being re-directed to some sort of city official or council. Rodney Jones busted out a few on this here obstacle, including this here three-flip lip when I was drunk, I love the way Rodney skates.

HILER'S SECRET SWAMP

Tim blasted out of the bowl at Hiler's like it was nobody's bin-ness. This dude rides vert like street. I don't really know what that means, but it's true. The sessions at Hiler's were so hyped that people were skating 'til dark. Imagine yourself in a 14-ft deep end with no light; Shieeot's schetchy biz, kid. I didn't even bring my board out of the car; I might have gotten shot for only doing three-flip blunt fakies in the deep end. Did I mention that this is definitely NOT a Team Pain project? Did I mention that I might get my ass kicked by Tim Payne himself? I'm buying some guns! Also. remember not to wear helmets when taking photos of back Smiths, and to always change your name if it's Tim Kulas.