Fears about tears? Why crying is good for you.

At a community hospital in a Chicago suburb an 8-year-old girl asked, "May I cry, or should I be brave?" Her question came moments before she was taken into surgery for a leg amputation.

In New York City an editor received a phone call and dissolved into tears. When coworkers expressed concern, he reported his mother had just died. Flowers were sent to him, and then it was discovered that the death was not his mother but his beloved cat.

These examples demonstrate the conflicting feelings people have about crying. On the one hand, shedding tears can show deep love and concern. On the other hand, some see tears conveying lack of discipline and courage.

Yet, at one time or another everyone cries. Perhaps no other element of living has so much mystery and confusion linked to it as the human tear.

In spite of mixed feelings about tears, poets and novelists have known intuitively that crying is somehow good for us. For example, Shakespeare wrote: "To weep is to make less the depth of grief." And Tennyson once wrote about a woman who learned her military husband was killed: "She must weep or she will die."

Amazingly, science is beginning to confirm the accuracy of such statements. For the first time in history, researchers are verifying that crying is for us because tears appear to reduce tensions, remove toxins, and increase the body's ability to heal itself. In short, scientists are drawing the conclusion that people who are able to cry may enjoy better physical and emotional health.

Here's how experts answer some of the most common questions about crying.

1. Why do people often feel better after crying? Alan Wolfelt, Ph.D., and a professor at the University of Colorado Medical School, works primarily with people who are mourning the death of a loved one. "In my clinical experience with thousands of mourners, I have observed changes in physical [appearance] following the expression of tears .... Not only do people feel better after crying; they also look better."

And according to Dr. William Frey, a biochemist and director of the Dry Eye and Tear Research Center in Minneapolis, the reason people feel better after crying "is that they may be removing, in their tears, chemicals that build up during emotional stress." His research indicates that tears, along with perspiration, urine, and the air we exhale, rid the body of various toxins and other wastes.

As far back as 1957 it was discovered that emotional tears are chemically different from tears that result because of an eye irritation. Emotional tears contain more protein and beta-endorphin, one of the body's natural pain relievers.

Margaret Crepeau, Ph.D., and professor of nursing at Marquette University, has studied the subject of tears from both physical and emotional angles. She claims that healthy people view tears positively, while people plagued with various illnesses see them as unnecessary and even humiliating. Dr. Crepeau states: "I found that well men and women cried more tears more often and at more times than did men and women with ulcers and colitis."

Consequently, in the school of nursing at Marquette University nurses as well as those in training are urged not to automatically provide tranquilizers to weeping patients, but to allow the tears to do their own therapeutic work. Dr. Crepeau states "Laughter and tears are two inherent natural medicines whereby we can reduce duress, let out negative feelings, and recharge. They truly are the body's own best resources."

2. Why do women cry more than men? Is it true that women cry more often than men? Dr. Frey and his colleagues worked with 331 volunteers, aged 18 to 75, asking them to keep a "tear diary" for 30 days. Women reported crying four or five times more than men during this period. The reason has more to do with body chemistry than cultural conditioning, states Dr. Frey.

He notes that women have serum prolactin levels much higher than men. Prolactin is a hormone connected with the production of tears as well as breast milk. "Hormones may help regulate tear production and have something to do with crying frequency."

Interestingly, studies show that there is no difference in crying patterns between boys and girls up to the age of puberty. "Then, between the ages of 12 and 18," says Dr. Frey, "women develop 60 percent higher levels of prolactin than men, and they start crying nearly four times more often."

3. How often do people cry and why? People shed tears far more often than is realized. According to Dr. Frey and the "tear diaries," the following appears to occur:

* Sadness accounts for 49 percent of tears;

* Happiness for 21 percent;

* Anger for 10 percent;

* Sympathy, 7 percent;

* Anxiety, 5 percent;

* Fear, 4 percent.

But these statistics do not tell the whole story. Tears reflect a profound humanity. One man, a driven and successful executive, broke into tears on the subway while reading about the debilitating poverty of a homeless mother with four children. A woman who is a high powered attorney in Chicago weeps whenever she hears a Mozart concerto.

4. What if you can't cry? Since research is giving credence to the idea that good health is connected to the shedding of tears, those who are unable to cry should look more closely to see if they are unconsciously blocking the flow of tears.

For some this may mean therapy. One woman, normally a noncrier, who grew up in a family in which keeping a stiff upper lip was the rule, found herself crying deeply almost every time she met with her therapist. She says,

"There were latent feelings all bottled up inside of me and years. After every teary session I felt better and better."

5. Should tears be controlled? The simple answer is no. Very few people overreact and cry for the wrong reasons. The fact is, most people would do better to let go and have a good cry periodically.

Experts agree that it is unwise to make a habit of holding back tears.

A word of caution, however, for those who cry every time they're criticized, have a fight with a friend, or experience normal work frustrations.

One therapist says, "People who cry easily should feel glad they're able to be in touch with their feelings. But if they're crying a lot in response to criticism, they should try to get some help. That kind of crying is an alarm bell that warns of some deep hurt or loss of self-esteem that is triggered whenever anyone says anything negative."

Perhaps the best advice about tears comes from Charles Dickens, who has Mr. Bumble, in Oliver Twist, declare that crying "opens the lungs, washes the countenance, exercises the eyes, and softens down the temper. So cry away."

Victor Parachin writes from Elk Grove Village, Illinois.