Fanzine: Yanks talking balls.

Byline: Fanzine editor: ANDREW McINNES

NO matter how hard they try, American footballers will never be able to talk a good game.

By that I mean Yanks who play `soccer' or `saccer' asthey call it, notthe huge big guys called things like Fridge.

Take Tim Howard's post-match interview on Saturday for example. The Manchester United keeper was doing fine until he said: ``Yeah it was a good performance second half, we were tight defensively and offensively.''

Despite hosting the World Cup in `94 a huge cultural barrier still prevents Americans learning the correct football lingo. But maybe the players aren't to blame if you consider a typical football report from the US media.

Here's a snippet from Soccertimes website: ``Howard sat in favor of Roy Carroll who logged a clean sheet for United (5-1) which recorded a 2-0decision over Germany's Stuttgart (4-2) to win European Champions League's Group E. U. S. keeper Kasey Keller and Tottenham emerged victorious 52 from a wild shootout with Wolverhampton Wolves.''

Eh? Give me Archie MacPherson any day.

News just in from Iraq. The American soldiers responsible for capturing Saddam were all big golf fans.

As they approached the deposed dictator's hide-out the troops were heard shouting: ``Get out the hole!''

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