Fantasy baseball, ÔBeatÕ styleNews item: Throughout his life Jack Kerouac Noun 1. Jack Kerouac - United States writer who was a leading figure of the beat generation (1922-1969) Jean-Louis Lebris de Kerouac, Kerouac was obsessed ob·sess v. ob·sessed, ob·sess·ing, ob·sess·es v.tr. To preoccupy the mind of excessively. v.intr. with a fantasy baseball game he created (The New York New York, state, United States New York, Middle Atlantic state of the United States. It is bordered by Vermont, Massachusetts, Connecticut, and the Atlantic Ocean (E), New Jersey and Pennsylvania (S), Lakes Erie and Ontario and the Canadian province of Times, MayÊ15). The ÒKing of the BeatsÓ would meticulously track fictitious players with names like Wino Love and Heinie hei·nie n. Slang The buttocks. [Alteration of hinder2.] Twiett (though not, as far as we know, Old Bull Lee or Carlo Marx) who ÒplayedÓ on teams such as the Pittsburgh Plymouths, the Boston Grays and the Cincinnati Blacks (but not, alas, the Desolation Angels or the Mexico City Blues). ItÕs no secret Kerouac influenced the likes of Jim Morrison and Thomas Pynchon. But who knew his greatest influence might have been on novelist Robert Coover, author of the fantasy baseball classic ÒThe Universal Baseball Association, Inc., J. Henry Waugh, Prop.Ó? Kerouac also kept detailed statistics from the game, analyzed his playersÕ performances and even ÒcoveredÓ financial news such as contract disputes. This level of dedication — together with the hieroglyphic hieroglyphic (hī'rəglĭf`ĭk, hī'ərə–) [Gr.,=priestly carving], type of writing used in ancient Egypt. Similar pictographic styles of Crete, Asia Minor, and Central America and Mexico are also called hieroglyphics symbols used in the game — has led to speculation that Kerouac, author of ÒOn the Road,Ó ÒThe Dharma dharma (där`mə). In Hinduism, dharma is the doctrine of the religious and moral rights and duties of each individual; it generally refers to religious duty, but may also mean social order, right conduct, or simply virtue. BumsÓ and other important works, also might have been baseballÕs first sabermatrician. (For those more attuned at·tune tr.v. at·tuned, at·tun·ing, at·tunes 1. To bring into a harmonious or responsive relationship: an industry that is not attuned to market demands. 2. to the world of Bill Burroughs than Bill James, sabermatricians are people who analyze baseball through the use of in-depth, often esoteric, statistical studies.) Documents related to his long-running fantasy baseball league have been added to the Jack Kerouac Archive at the Berg Collection of the New York Public Library New York Public Library, free library supported by private endowments and gifts and by the city and state of New York. It is the one of largest libraries in the world. , although we can only imagine what excerpts from the ultimate Kerouac Retrosheet might look like ... ¥ ÒI first met Dean not long after my wife and I split up. You know, she could only take so much pillow talk about Fibonacci win scores.Ó ¥ ÒThe only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved — and not one of those cheap saves where the pitcher enters the game with a three-run lead and the bases empty and throws one measly measly said of beef, pork and mutton because infected meat has a speckled appearance thought to resemble measles (1) in humans. See also cysticercus. inning.Ó ¥ ÒPretty girls make graves, was my saying — and so do teams with lousy park-adjusted defensive efficiency ratings.Ó ¥ ÒI gaped into the bleakness of my own days. My average pitcher abuse points per game started (PAPGS) were off the charts.Ó ¥ ÒWe picked up two girls, a pretty young blonde and a fat brunette. They were dumb and sullen, but we wanted to make them. Geez geez interj. Used to express mild surprise, delight, dissatisfaction, or annoyance. [Shortening and alteration of Jesus1.] , talk about marginal lineup value.Ó ¥ ÒWe turned at a dozen paces, for love is a duel, and looked at each other for the last time. It was like the quintessential late-inning pressure situation (LIPS).Ó ¥ ÒHopping a freight out of Los Angeles at high noon one day in late September 1955 I got on a gondola and lay down with my duffel bag under my head and my knees crossed and contemplated the clouds as we rolled north to Santa Barbara. Yes! Another quality start, right there.Ó ¥ ÒI like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till I drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion. ThatÕs what happens when you spend too much time trying to predict the number of a baserunnerÕs equivalent air advancement runs (EqAAR), particularly without consulting the multiyear run expectancy matrix.Ó ¥ ÒWhere was Hassel? ... Where Dean? Where everybody? Where life? Hey, 11 more questions and this will be just like the Keltner List.Ó ¥ ÒHe almost blushed. Finally he came out with it: he wanted me to work Marylou. Whoa, kind of gives new meaning to the term value over replacement player (VORP VORP Victim Offender Reconciliation Program VORP Value Over Replacement Player (baseball statistic) ).Ó ¥ ÒWe had come from Denver to Chicago via Ed WallÕs ranch, 1180 miles, in exactly 17 hours, not counting the two hours in the ditch and three at the ranch and two with the police in Newton, Iowa, for a mean average of seventy miles per hour across the land, with one driver. Which is a kind of crazy record. In its own way, in fact, itÕs as remarkable as Addie JossÕs underrated record for best career WHIP (walks plus hits per innings pitched).Ó ¥ ÒThe bus roared on. I was going home in October. Everybody goes home in October. ItÕs a good time to tabulate (1) To arrange data into a columnar format. (2) To sum and print totals. the seasonÕs stats and begin preparing for next yearÕs draft. The Pittsburgh Plymouths have the first pick.Ó Jeff Haney can be reached at 259-4041 or at haney@lasvegassun.com. 
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