Family violence - a tragic story.

Obsessed with Amy, Charles controlled her every move. Petrified to tell anyone her secret fears, Amy continued to wear a facade. To the outside, this was a wonderful marriage. But inside, Amy feared that the 38 revolver Charles wore in his boot would eventually take her life.

One day at work Amy cautiously talked to a friend. Amy told her that she thought her husband might hurt her if he became angry enough. She then laughed a less-than-convincing laugh, in hopes of minimizing the appearance of being weak or crazy. Her coworker was not convinced. She told Amy that she did not have to stay in an unsafe environment. Amy could not imagine leaving Charles. Besides, he made a great deal more money than she did, and the thought of being a single parent, with 4-year-old Mikey, seemed more than she could bear.

Reluctantly Amy took the number of the shelter for battered women. She hid it in her wallet, certain that she would never use it.

Two weeks later Charles came home drunk on a Friday evening. Stress on the job seemed to overwhelm him. When Amy tried to find out what had happened at work, he told her it was none of her business and began waving his revolver in the air. Amy knew that she could no longer stand the tension that was building and asked Charles to put the gun away. She saw his hand fly through the air toward her.

The next thing Amy knew, she was lying on the kitchen floor, bleeding from her nose. Her right eye was throbbing with pain as she tried to open it and focus. Charles had passed out, with the gun tucked beside him on the couch. She grabbed Mikey and ran out the door. Amy knew that if they did not get away, she would not live through the next episode.

She drove to a pay phone and frantically searched her wallet for the shelter number. "Yes, we have two beds available tonight," the voice on the other end of the line said. "Please come right over."

In the shelter Amy learned that she and Charles were trapped in a cycle that would not stop by itself, and that she did the right thing by seeking help. Amy cried herself to sleep that night, wondering what Charles would do when he sobered up and realized that she and Mikey were gone.

The Cycle.

The next morning Amy attended a class at the shelter. She learned that the cycle of domestic violence has three main stages. The first stage is the tension-building phase, which can last from weeks to months to years. The second phase is the actual battering incident. This is usually triggered by a stressful event or series of events. Amy learned that battering is not just physical, but can be verbal and psychological. The last phase is the remorse stage--the hearts and flowers phase. This is when the perpetrator feels sorry for what he or she has done. The person is afraid of losing control of the victim. Promises are made, along with attempts to be on better behavior for a while. This is the phase in which the victim has the most control.

Without learning new skills to express and deal with feelings, the couple will most likely move back into the tension-building phase. As the intensity progresses, the cycle will increase more rapidly.

Women leave on the average of four to seven times as the cycle progresses. At some point the remorse phase can be eliminated from the cycle. A victim is more likely to leave at this point; however, six out of seven victims are at risk of being seriously injured or killed if they leave during this time. Their perpetrator may become obsessed with controlling them and rationalize, "if I can't have you, no one will."

Amy did not want to believe that she and Charles could be living in such a sick relationship. The pain was especially great when she thought about Mikey and how he would most likely repeat this type of controlling behavior in relationships as he became older. He might view this response to anger as "normal."

A prison without walls.

The counselor at the shelter helped Amy realistically look at her options. If she were to leave Charles, she would have to go back to school and increase her job skills. Her minimum-wage job would not come close to supporting her and Mikey. Child care alone would take three fourths of her paycheck.

After five days Amy decided to go back to Charles. She still was not certain that she and Mikey would be safe. However, she began to feel that Charles might not make it without her. And the fear of being along was more than she could bear. Charles told Amy that if she ever left again, she better get far away because he would track her down and kill her. Amy knew in her heart that she had made a big mistake by coming back.

Cautiously evaluating her every move, Amy did all that she could to appease Charles. She could no longer drive the car. He took her to and from work every day. Even a quick trip to the grocery store had to be with Charles. Amy was in a prison without walls. Yet the walls were so thick, she knew escaping would be nearly impossible. She thought of leaving from work, but Charles made it clear that he would take Mikey from her if she did "anything stupid."

A few weeks after returning home, Amy began to feel the tension building to a breaking point between her and Charles. She remembered that the counselor at the shelter told her not to leave without a plan, unless her life was in immediate danger.

Trying to escape.

Late one night Amy packed a change of clothes for her and Mikey after Charles had gone to sleep. She put the $300 that she had saved in her purse and put her treasured cat, Princess, in her carrier. Amy remembered being told that if pets were left behind, they would most likely be abused. She knew that Charles was cruel to Princess when he was in one of his moods.

Amy's heart raced as she lifted Mikey out of his warm bed. They slipped out the back door, quickly dashing to the old Plymouth parked on the street. Charles would not be as angry with her, she reasoned, if she took the older car. After loading Mikey, Princess, and their bags in the car, she cautiously started the motor. It seemed to take forever to get that cold engine to turn over. A couple blocks away, Amy turned the headlights on. Her goal was to get as far out of town that night as possible before Charles realized they were gone.

The counselor at the shelter had told her that unless both people in an abusive relationship were willing to get outside help to learn healthier communication skills, the relationship would most likely deteriorate. Amy began to cry as she recalled what Charles had said. "Only you have a problem. I do not have a problem. No shrink will play mind games with me!"

Mikey fell asleep on the front seat of the car. As Amy continued to drive and think about her longing to live "happily ever after" with Charles, she did not pay attention to the headlights coming up behind her. By now she was miles out of the city. Her first jolt of reality came when the vehicle behind her rammed her bumper. Her screams woke Mikey up. Another jolt, then another. Amy's car sailed off the embankment of the road.

The ambulance attendant quickly worked on Mikey and Amy. Before Amy took her last breath, she said, "Find Charles; it was Charles."

Matching paint and damage to Charles's treasured pickup, authorities eventually arrested Charles and charged him with vehicular homicide. Mikey was adopted by his grandparents.

Amy became a tragic statistic. According to the American Medical Association, family violence is the number one health problem in our nation today. If you or someone you know is caught in the cycle of domestic violence, get help. It will not stop by itself. For further information on domestic violence or how to obtain help, call your local Coalition Against Domestic Violence or a local shelter. In an emergency, call 911. Your phone call could save a life.