Facing life without him: the emotional tragedy of widowhood can be compounded by poor financial decisions.

"I'M MANAGING, BUT I MISS JOSEPH," SAYS EDWINA LITTLEPAGE, WHOSE HUSBAND OF NEARLY 30 years died almost a year ago. As if the emotional toll of losing a spouse isn't, difficult enough, there are also financial pressures. "Not only did I have to learn the lay of the land, I had to pay for it," she adds.

Her husband, who was 60 when he died, handled the family finances, making investment decisions and paying the mortgage and utilities. A retiree, he liked managing the money, which allowed Littlepage to concentrate on operating two day-care centers she owns in Oklahoma City. Because her husband also oversaw her business finances, Littlepage has hired a payroll company and is working closely with a certified public accountant.

Unlike many widows, Littlepage's life insurance proceeds were adequate, so she's not struggling to pay the bills. Littlepage's challenge, however, is to get a grasp on her financial life. After her husband died, she had to search for key financial records and documents. She's still trying to reconfigure a filing system for paying bills and maintaining records.

As a result, Littlepage hired a financial planner to help guide her through the investment process and other money matters. Even though her husband passed without writing a will, it didn't cause major difficulties because the couple's assets were held in joint tenancy. Littlepage has been engaged, however, in more comprehensive estate planning to help simplify matters for her children in the event of her death.

In short, Littlepage is putting her life back together.

WHEN THE UNEXPECTED HAPPENS

Half of all women become widowed by 65, and the average age of a widow is 56, says Kathleen Williams, president of Oklahoma City-based Williams Financial Services Group Inc. "As women age, the road to poverty begins after their husbands die," says Williams.

Most couples never seem to get around to having the often unpleasant discussion about death and money. However, you'll need to put your hands on documents such as life insurance policies, Social Security cards, bank and brokerage statements, and other materials to establish benefit claims. "It could take a few days to a few weeks for an insurance claim to be processed, so you might have to go a period without money," says Deena Katz, a certified financial planner with Evensky Brown & Katz in Coral Gables, Florida.

* Anticipate hassles. You'll need to get a copy of your husband's death certificate, especially if you need to gain access to bank and investment accounts in his name. And if his name is on car insurance, homeowner's policies, and other such documents, you'll need to put those in your name as well.

ASSESS YOUR FINANCES

Once you've gathered all your documents, you can begin to make sense of your financial situation and how much money you have to manage. "On average, a widow receives $25,000-$30,000 in insurance proceeds that typically last three to five months," says Williams. And for those who are fortunate to receive more, there's often confusion about how best to use the money, she adds.

Much like divorce, widowhood often leads to a change in lifestyle. You will likely have to make adjustments t reach your long-term financial goals. If you and your spouse had a household budget, you should revise it t reflect the change in income. If there's a significant gap, you may need to consider part-time work or a second job. Depending on your age, you may have to adjust your retirement plans and college financing for your children.

Slow Down

What you don't want to do, say financial pros, is rush into any major life decisions. Unless your situation is dire, you should probably wait six months to a year before you con sider selling the house, moving, or any other such steps.

* Don't move so fast to pay off his debts. Realize that you are not responsible for your husband's debts before marriage. "Creditors might try to make you pay but know your rights," asserts Ginita Wall, a San Diego-based certified financial planner and director of the Women's Institute for Financial Education (www.WIFE.org).

One top priority: Determine whether you need lift insurance. If you have no dependents then it's not an issue. If you do, you need coverage, or you may need to increase it if the sole responsibility for caring for children or other relatives falls on you. Because your husband's income is now unavailable, you will need to review your health insurance coverage and consider disability and long-term care policies--especially if you're in your 50s. "Realize that you may live a long time and you don't want to be a burden," says Katz. "Long-term insurance gives you more choices and flexibility."

KEEP YOUR HEAD ABOVE EMOTIONAL WATERS

* Avoid the feeding frenzy. As a widow, you're vulnerable--and financial predators know it. You may get all sorts of surprise visitors, such as realtors, urging you to sell your home because they can get you a load of money, or financial gurus trying to get you to buy the latest and greatest investments with insurance proceeds.

As tough as it may be, it's important to get over the feeling of guilt that often accompanies widowhood. It car lead to major financial mistakes. "One widow whose husband had died in an accident and gotten a huge settlement felt so guilty that she did everything to try and get rid of the money, giving it to the surviving children and charity. Such behavior is to your own detriment. That money has to last," says Wall, who also serves as an advisory board member for the GE Center For Financial Learning (www.financiallearning.com).

PREPARE FOR THE FUTURE

* Rethink your estate plan. Update your will and other documents in which your husband is a beneficiary. You will also need to give someone else your durable power o attorney, which will permit him or her to make decisions about your financial matters or, in some cases, healthcare if you're incapacitated.

Furthermore, if you haven't been much of an investor, get off the sidelines. You're likely to live a long, healthy life and you don't want to outlive your money. "Single women retirees over age 65 receive only $106 per month in interest income from their assets on average," says Williams.

You'll need a lot more than that. Evaluate retirement holdings and realize that some investments appropriate for dual-income households might be too risky for mature singles. Don't feel wedded to past investment choices made by your deceased husband. "Just because he owned a certain stock for 20 years doesn't mean you have to keep it," advises Katz.

You may feel a little sheepish as a solo investor, but remember that being too conservative can cost you in returns. Find an appropriate mix of investments that will meet your needs for growth and security. It may pay to get professional help as well.

BACK TO BUSINESS

Littlepage is lucky. Lack of money isn't her biggest concern. But she cannot afford to ignore her business, "She's more dependent on that business now and must not let anything fall through the cracks," says Elaine Bedel a certified financial planner in Indianapolis.

Littlepage will also need to plan now for the day when she may want to sell the business and retire. It won't hurt to start exploring a variety of options. And even though she is in relatively good financial shape, she shouldn't get too comfortable. "She could live to be 90," says Bedel. "What seems like a lot of resources today may not last. Spending, saving and investing should be done with that reality in mind."

WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW

1. Make sure both you and your spouse are insured, whether through your employer or additional insurance. You may want to investigate short- and long-term disability to cover you in case you need to take an unexpected leave of absence.

2. Draft a will and designate people that you trust to be responsible for carrying out your wishes, especially if you have children together. Also, apply for your spouse's Social Security benefits for yourself and/our children.

3. Don't make any major financial decisions until at least six mouths to one year after your husband's death. This way, you decisions will be based on thoughtful plans, not emotion. Also if you have the wherewithal to make financial decisions immediately after your husband's death, ask that donations be sent to a college education fund for your children in lieu of flowers.