FROM PREMISE TO PLOT, THIS ONE'S A GIANT ERROR.

Byline: Bob Strauss Film Critic

``Beautiful'' is ugly. Much of that is intentional and, I guess, for the extended amount of screen time that star Minnie Driver and director Sally Field (yes, that Sally Field) immerse us in the life of the least likable woman on Earth, their film deserves some kind of admiration for sticking to its sour guns for so long.

But it even cops out on the studied distastefulness in the end, resulting in one of the most morally bankrupt conclusions in modern cinema (and that's pretty bankrupt indeed). Aside from that, ``Beautiful'' is plain old creepy from start to finish.

But this tone deaf, halfhearted lampoon of beauty pageantry-cum-misfired protest against our superficial glamour culture has a bigger problem than any of that. It just isn't emotionally persuasive for a second.

We meet the insufferable Mona at age 12 (played by Colleen Rennison), already obsessed with transcending her white-trash background via beauty contests. Though no natural cutie and severely fashion-impaired, her single-minded determination seems somewhat admirable, even if it does get her ripped off by a shady consultant (Kathleen Turner in a throwaway cameo). When she makes friends with Ruby, a dorky new girl at school, you even think that Mona, however skewed her priorities, has some redeeming qualities.

Once Driver takes over the role, though, the hope of any virtue not normally associated with polished steel is quickly dashed. She only befriended Ruby (played as a teen and adult by the always winsome Joey Lauren Adams) because the girl could sew, and Mona somehow sensed she was also the ultimate, enabling doormat. While our self-made beauty goes about sabotaging her equally vicious (and stereotypical) fellow contestants, Ruby supports their household with a nursing job and, of course, makes all of her roommate's costumes.

Most startlingly, Ruby pretends she's the mother of Mona's illegitimate daughter, Vanessa (Hallie Kate Eisenberg, that blues-beltin' Pepsi commercial kid). Most ridiculously, Mona, between staging fake good works and endlessly strategizing her big jump from small-town Illinois pageants to a national contest, lets nary a sentiment slip over, despite years of living with the child she won't acknowledge (``contest rules'' provide the thin justification, if you were wondering).

Now, we all know that some women are capable of abandoning their children, that others can hate their children, and that in more judgmental eras some have given up the tasks and title of mother due to social and family pressures. But to live with your kid and pretend she's not your own without a single regret or a second thought (until, at the 11th hour, the plot requires it)? Can't buy it for any price.

The credited screenwriter, Jon Berstein, at least realized that Mona's need for a tiara wasn't enough to hang a whole screenplay on. So a murder charge is trumped up against - who else? - good-hearted Ruby, a vengeful TV talker (Leslie Stefanson) goes out of her way to get the embarrassing goods on Mona, and there's even a last-minute attempt to show the pageant process some respect as a questionable engine of class mobility. But Field, who seems determined more than anything to bury her ``You really like me!'' gushiness with this movie, flubs every potentially meaningful moment.

As for Driver, whose company co-produced ``Beautiful,'' she gives a technically impressive and effectively scary performance. But then, so does the Terminator - and he was more interesting in the second movie, when he was programmed to process at least rudimentary human feelings.

``BEAUTIFUL''

(Rated PG-13: language)

The stars: Minnie Driver, Hallie Kate Eisenberg, Joey Lauren Adams.

Behind the scenes: Directed by Sally Field. Written by Jon Berstein. Produced by John Bertolli and B.J. Rack. Released by Destination Films.

Running time: One hour, 52 minutes.

Playing: Citywide.

Our rating: One and one half stars