The only thing I've ever won is a pink toaster... and even that was broken.
The closest I've ever come to a big prize was a few years ago. It was half time of a match during York's hideous nosedive to relegation. I thought I'd lighten the mood by participating in the 'cross bar challenge'. To win the pounds 300 on offer, I had to hit three penalties against the bar. Easy.
While both my first two were successful, my third is still on the way to the moon. I also pulled my groin taking it.
At least I managed to lighten the mood.