FOX HAS SAY: NFL, STAY AWAY.

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH Media

Real answers to bogus questions from people who only vaguely sound familiar:

Q: If Los Angeles gets an NFL team, will that mean Fox needs more veteran play-by-play men to fill their roster?

- Pat S., Dallas

A: Don't count on Fox backing any sort of NFL expansion to L.A. Said Fox Sports CEO David Hill in this week's Sports Illustrated:

``If the L.A. Armadillos are 2-10 in December and getting blacked out, how does that help our business? As astute a business the NFL is, I can't figure this one out. What's changed in eight (now nine) years (since the Rams and Raiders moved)? I wish the NFL would understand that if there isn't a franchise in L.A., the sun won't sink into the ocean.''

But then, if L.A. ever had a team called the Armadillos, we'd be its biggest supporters.

Q: Got any job leads in the sportscasting business? Not that I need the work, but, you know ...

- Geoff W., Dullsville

A: Depends on how desperate you are to cram yourself into a coach plane seat and head east.

The new College Sports TV network will hold what it calls a ``walk-on'' tryout July 23 at its studios in New York City, giving at least one person a guest on-air spot during coverage of one of its events, with the chance of a future role with the organization.

More details and registration are on the network's Web site (www.cstv.com). A network rep said a nationwide contest likely will follow this one, with a possible audition to be held in Los Angeles.

Meanwhile, an ESPN series tentatively called ``Dream Job,'' along the lines of an ``American Idol'' competition, is currently on the drawing board. The winner will be guaranteed a one-year contract to be a ``SportsCenter'' anchor, but with it comes the reality that you'd have to live in Bristol, Conn., for 12 months.

Q: Spell ``vainglorious.''

- Max K., New York

A: Just look at the middle name on your learner's permit if you need help with that, Spelling Bee breath.

Q: I've got all this free time on my hands, and I'm in town, and I'm wondering (wink) are there any other reality shows in need of a real contestant?

- Clay A., West Hollywood

--Answer: Are you a hot golfer?

The Golf Channel has auditions Sunday at Lost Canyons Golf Club in Simi Valley for a series to premiere this fall called ``The Big Break ... Who Will Survive?''

The 10-week series pits 10 low-handicap golfers in a series of skills challenges, and one player is eliminated each week. The survivor will get to compete in a pro golf event that airs on The Golf Channel.

The audition Sunday runs from 9 a.m to 5 p.m. For more information, call [phone]. Candidates must have proof of a USGA handicap of scratch or better to be considered.

You're too late for the Golf Channel's other reality contest, ``People vs. the Pros,'' that airs live Monday (5-8 p.m.) from Lake Las Vegas. Two hundred amateurs divided into two age divisions are put in a three-day stroke-play competition against John Daly (age 49 and under) and Lee Trevino (age 50 and over).

North Hollywood's Noburu Nakahira, Simi Valley's Harry Moak, Castaic's Steve Argo, Ventura's Tom Dee, Calabasas' Donald Pistonik and Thousand Oaks' Tony Tesoro are in the field, either as sweepstakes winners or by a winning bid through an eBay.com auction.

Q: Any way you can put in a good word for me so I can get a job on the radio as Steve Hartman's partner?

- Vic J., K-PAX

A: Here's the only idea we got as far as Hartman's endless search continues at AM-1150/690: Don't hire anyone. The real suspense each day is finding out what new voice has volunteered to sit in for three hours and be drowned out. That gimmick in itself could generate a steady rating near the 0.3 threshold.

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no caption (book: ``The Golden Voices of Baseball'')

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SOUND BYTES

By Tom Hoffarth