FOR SCHWIMMER, IT'S `D' - AS IN DETESTABLE.

Byline: Marilyn Beck & Stacy Jenel Smith

``Friends'' star David Schwimmer takes to the stage at L.A.'s Century City Playhouse March 4 in ``d girl,'' playing a Hollywood character he knows well - and couldn't detest more.

The drama, written and directed by Roger Kumble, with whom Schwimmer studied theater at Northwestern University, tells the story ``of a young woman new to the industry, her journey and the loss of her soul along the way,'' says Schwimmer.

``I play her friend - someone who represents all that is evil and manipulative and sick about the industry. And that's a lot.''

Why should Schwimmer, the star of a hit series, the director of a film (Miramax's upcoming ``Dogwater''), have such cause for bitterness?

``Everyone acts like it was sudden stardom for me with `Friends.' Well, I've been here for eight years, auditioning, working, waiting on tables - and watching people go down in flames.

``There are so many lying, manipulative people in this town who don't care as much about content or art as business - it turns people into ogres.

``I play a character consumed by the business, who wants more and more. There's never enough. Like others I've seen, he abuses people - you see that so much it makes you want to run screaming from Hollywood. ... People who exert their celebrity or their power on people who can't fight back.''

Interestingly, Schwimmer is looking forward to getting into the character in the play that co-stars Billy Crystal's daughter, Jennifer.

He figures, ``It should help me exorcise some of my cynicism, take some of the experiences I've had and help me shake them off.''

Tickets can be purchased by phoning [phone].

The big-screen scene

``This will absolutely not be an art-house picture,'' stresses Mandalay Entertainment chief Todd Black about the film version of Victor Hugo's ``Les Miserables'' that gets under way April 1 with Liam Neeson, Claire Danes, Uma Thurman and Geoffrey Rush. The story, set in Paris in the 1800s, will not be updated. It will remain faithful to the Victor Hugo classic. But, says Black, ``It will be an event picture, a big, Hollywood classy production - that's why I cast it the way I did.'' He was particularly lucky with the casting of Rush, a front-runner in the Best Actor Oscar race for ``Shine.'' Says Black, ``We signed Rush before the buzz about him even started.''

``Les Miserables'' is just one of several major projects Mandalay is getting ready to begin. In September, Sharon Stone will star in the remake of John Cassavetes' ``Gloria.'' (Gena Rowlands received an Oscar nomination for the 1980 original.) March 31 is the start date of Randa Haines' ``Shut Up and Dance'' with Vanessa Williams. And ``Wild Things'' with Kevin Campbell and Robert Downey Jr. rolls in Miami on April 26. According to Black, Mandalay isn't fretting over Downey's casting. ``He's sober, clean as a whistle. I had a couple of meetings with him and he's cleaned himself up.''

Words and music

John Tesh has returned the advance he received to write an autobiography for William Morrow. ``They were kind enough to say `We'll hold on and wait for it,''' reports the composer-musician and former ``Entertainment Tonight'' anchor. ``But I didn't feel people would be that interested. Besides, if I wrote a book now, I'd feel like I was dead,'' adds Tesh, who will trek from PBS station to station next month as his new ``John Tesh: The Avalon Concert'' special and album are used as pledge drive bait. He's moved a step away from his former ``Entertainment Tonight'' TV clean-cut look and is sporting a raffish, musicianly beard - much to the dismay of his wife, actress Connie Selleca. ``It's not her favorite thing,'' he confesses. ``This is sort of the way I looked in college.'' He says, ``I promised Connie I'd shave it off every three weeks.'' He adds, ``And that's about how often I get kissed.''

Switching hats

Ken Olin, whose ``EZ Street'' is returning with a renewed push from CBS, isn't sitting around waiting to learn how the series will fare. Next month he directs ``Push,'' an ABC pilot about a former Olympic gymnast who takes over the coaching of an elite gymnastics team. As the story evolves, he soon must contend with matters ranging from team members using steroids - to coming out as gay.