FOR MANY SINGLES, LIFE ISN'T ALWAYS ONE BIG SITCOM.

Byline: Loraine O'Connell Orlando Sentinel 

Tom Tempia of Orlando, Fla., and a group of friends used to gather on Thursday nights to watch - what else? - ``Friends,'' NBC's megahit about a bunch of singles who schmooze and look for love.

But unlike Monica, Rachel, Ross, Chandler, Joey and Phoebe, Tempia and his pals have lives of their own - hectic lives that got in the way of that weekly get-together.

``Now I tape it,'' says Tempia, 30, a city planner.

Plenty of singles are fans of ``Friends'' and similar shows peppering the airwaves - ``Seinfeld,'' ``Caroline in the City,'' ``The Single Guy.'' But do those programs really reflect the average single person's experience?

Not nearly as much as TV programmers would lead you to believe.

Despite media attempts to categorize and label them, singles are not a monolith. They run the gamut from students to high-earning professionals, entertainers, blue-collar workers and folks just squeaking by. Some own their own homes; some live with roommates. Some are divorced - with and without kids.

Like singles anywhere, some are quite content with their unattached status.

For instance, Cheryl Casey, 29, and her friends are ``career-oriented and content with our lives,'' says the Orlando woman. They figure marriage and family will happen in due time.

Other singles are ready - nay, eager - to settle down and start families.

``For both men and women, by the time you get to 30 you're starting to realize that if you want to have kids, career, family, time's a-wasting,'' says Susan Cummings, 28, a Disney performer who hopes to hit it big doing stand-up comedy.

In terms of lifestyle, some singles do hang out with groups of friends, a la the TV depictions.

``I can call some friend and say, `Let's go to this movie,' '' says Cummings of Leesburg, Fla. ``I don't really worry about having to have a date. It's something you learn in college - that you don't have to be in a one-on-one relationship, that it's all right to have friends of the opposite sex. Then, a couple of years down the road, you look back and you're 28 and still hanging out with a group of friends.''

Only one thing is certain about single life these days: The number of unattached Americans has grown dramatically. Census figures show that in 1970, 28 percent of Americans 18 and older were single; in 1990 it was 39 percent.

The reasons have been well-documented: high divorce rates, more opportunities and higher incomes for women, changing roles for men and women.

``People want to maintain their autonomy and freedom,'' says Valerie Patterson, founder of Dinner Dates, a fine-dining club for single professionals. ``A guy doesn't need a wife to have dinner on the table; a woman doesn't need his paycheck.''

There's no question that attitudes toward single life have changed. No longer are single men regarded as pathetic bachelors and single women as miserable old maids - except by themselves occasionally.

Michele Weiner-Davis, a licensed clinical social worker in Illinois and author of ``Divorce Busting'' and ``Fire Your Shrink,'' says the whole perception of singledom has changed.

``Instead of looking at being single as an interim or transitional period until we find partners, singles are really looking at it as a wonderful part of their lives.''

Tempia, the city planner with the busy life, agrees.

``There's more acceptance now of singles,'' says Tempia. ``Twenty years ago, if I was 30 years old, people would look at me and go, `What do you mean you're not married? What's wrong with you?' Today some people look at you and go, `Hey, you're a smart man!' ''

People definitely are waiting longer to tie the knot. The median age at first marriage rose by three years between 1975 and 1993, census figures show. It now stands at 24.5 for women, 26.5 for men.

Doug Gordon, 32, is a radiologist in Cocoa Beach, Fla., and the author of ``The Losers Guide to Life,'' a parody of the dating nscene. He notes that one reason people used to find mates early and stay with them was that ``sex wasn't something that grew on trees.''

Today, however, he says, ``if you're single, it doesn't mean you're celibate.''

Some experts have ascribed the burgeoning numbers of singles to fear of commitment in the face of high divorce rates.However, like most singles interviewed for this story, Carrie Ulvestad just wants to do it right when she marries.

Because her parents' marriage was such a good example for her, Ulvestad is optimistic that she'll succeed.

``I have a real good chance at doing it well because of my upbringing,'' says the 28-year-old trade show coordinator.

Despite the images on TV, though, Ulvestad says, finding people to pal around with - much less to date - can be tough.