FOR MANY FAMILIES, RACISM IS FACT OF LIFE.

Byline: SUE DOYLE Staff Writer

SANTA CLARITA - He had never said a word about being jumped at his elementary school and called names for the color of his skin.

It wasn't until the boy was getting fitted for new glasses a few days later that the scratches on his face were noticeable, and his parents asked what happened.

His story left Sharon and Tony Bailey at a crossroads. Should they confront the school? Tell their son to fight back?

Or should they teach him to accept that this will happen in life because he's black?

"You feel that this is 2006. How can this be going on?" said the Santa Clarita mother. "It's very uneasy and unforgettable for someone of color to be faced with this, in this day and age."

Generations of black families have faced similar situations with racism, whether it happens at school, at work or in confrontations with police. Experience has taught many not to respond, to stay below the radar and accept it, because reactions can lead to suspensions from school, job loss or arrest.

But some parents, like the Baileys, are not comfortable conditioning their children to accept this as fate because they're black. They wonder when the tide will turn.

Eboni Shields, a psychologist for the William S. Hart Union High School District, said it's a reality many black families have to deal with and that the avenues through which they choose to respond can get complicated. Children can get reputations if they fight back when confronted by classmates, and many parents are concerned about how their sons and daughters will be disciplined at school.

"You don't want your child stigmatized. You don't want them outcast, because you, as a family, have taught them to turn the other cheek as much as you can," Shields said.

The Baileys eventually did talk to school officials. But not before they sat down with their son and reinforced to him that he had many friends and was well liked by others in his class. They hoped their talk would make him braver and stronger to handle the situation when it strikes again.

Still others accept racism as a fact of life.

When Robin Adam's son was called racial slurs by some classmates in junior high, she told him to understand that it's going to be part of his life because he's black.

"I told him it's going to happen," the Canyon Country mother said. "He's going to have to deal with it. I know it."

For many parents, that message is a way to survive, even though many say they won't tolerate racism any more, said Thomas Parham, psychologist and director of the counseling center at University of California, Irvine.

"If you have to deal with a racist judge, teacher or police officer, you have to be able to hunker down a little bit, even though some say, `We're not going to take it any more,"' he said.

But after a while, the frustration that has been building inside of children from episodes of embarrassing name calling and hateful jeers will come to a boiling point and find its way out, one way or another.

Adams saw it happen to her older son, who in the end received the consequences many parents fear most.

The sophomore football player at Golden Valley High School in Santa Clarita was repeatedly taunted at school, and in February witnesses said he was jumped during lunch in a fight that sparked a brawl fought along black and Latino lines.

The fight resulted in the arrests of eight teens. Adams's son was transferred to another school, much to his parents distress.

Local schools that have been under scrutiny for racism have encouraged families to report these problems to administrators and have said there are penalties for all fist fighting, no matter who takes the first swing.

Parham said blacks have historically confronted racism in two ways: either take a stand to fight the system, or go along and blend in.

But the tensions blacks are now facing with Latinos, in schools and in prisons has changed the dynamics of what has historically been a black vs. white struggle.

"What you have now is a new dynamic. Not only are black kids trying to deal with racism and white supremacy in school, health care, law and criminal justice, but now they're seeing a growing tension that exists among people along the margin," he said.

Stephanie Moore can hear it from the windows of her townhouse as her children play outside in a neighborhood filled with many different cultures.

She said the kids sometimes make racial comments to one another when they're angry, but she's not sure if the children fully understand what they're saying.

But she knows full well the significance of those words and the history behind them. So when she hears it, she talks to her kids about it to build up their self-esteem.

Although the words don't hurt them now, she knows the day will come when they will, and she doesn't want them to be afraid.

"I basically teach them about their heritage and teach them who they are. That way, when someone they don't know attacks them, they won't get an inferiority complex," the Santa Clarita mother said.

Kim Willis, a school psychologist from the Antelope Valley, said that while growing up in Pacoima, she would cry to her mother about the racial slurs she was called in school.

But her mother, who was raised in the South and lived through marches and segregation, would shrug at the name calling, because she had experienced much worse. She told her daughter to deal with it.

Willis doesn't take the same approach with her children.

"I teach my kids how to work around it, how to work around people and how to navigate around society," she said. "They're everywhere. You can't change people, but you can change you."

sue.doyle(at)dailynews.com

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