FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD, MAKE IT STOP; SOME TIPS FOR MOMS, DADS AT WITS' END : MIXED FEELINGS.

Byline: Lori Moody Daily News Staff Writer

From the day she was born, Alexandra Gettings ruled her kingdom. Her constant cries could be heard across the land - or, at least beyond the walls of her parents' Calabasas home.

Her mother tried rocking and cradling her in her arms. Baby Alexandra would not relent.

Her mother tried setting her in an infant seat atop a humming washing machine. Alexandra just kept crying.

Her mother even paid good money for a stuffed bear with a simulated heartbeat designed specifically to stop a baby's crying. Alexandra's wailing did not abate.

Then one day, her mother discovered Alexandra's one place of peace - the master bathroom.

``She wouldn't cry in there, I think because of the fan noise and bright lights,'' said Anne Gettings, 36. ``My husband and I laugh because we would eat in there ... it was so nice to have peace.''

When it comes to consoling a crying infant, as Gettings has found, necessity is often the mother of invention.

Since the beginning of history, moms, dads and other caregivers have searched for ways to soothe that little bundle of gloom. These days, they're trying everything from swaddling the baby to store-bought battery-operated gizmos.

``Babies crying is a major issue,'' said David Silvera, who, with his wife, Idelle, owns Sharper Baby in Woodland Hills. ``It's a nightmare for parents not to get any sleep.''

Many a sleep-deprived parent has wandered into Silvera's baby accessory store, desperately looking for something - anything - that might console a crying baby.

Inventors and marketers have responded with all kinds of products promising sweet dreams: vibrating infant carriers for $39.99 to $59.99; ``Gentle Vibes,'' a battery-operated device that can be attached to a bassinet or crib for $19.99; a tape player to play music for the crib for $29.99; womb-sound stuffed bears for $29.99; musical pacifiers for $6.99; and music tapes and CDs for $9.99 and $14.99.

At the Right Start, a chain of baby stores based in Westlake Village, parents often turn to ``For Crying Out Loud,'' eight nine-minute tracks of sounds, including vacuum cleaners, hair dryers and a restaurant on a cassette tape and CD, said Gerald Mitchell, vice president of merchandising.

``I think the beauty in the product lies in its simplicity,'' he said. ``It really captures the day-in and day-out surroundings that an infant is exposed to.''

Martha Stone and Pam Johann, two Bay Area moms, produced ``For Crying Out Loud,'' after Johann joked that she would pay $100 for a recording of a vacuum cleaner, a sound that helped calm her son, Peter, according to Stone, 33, of San Mateo.

``It's a homegrown solution repackaged as a high-tech tool,'' said the mother of Sarah, 17 months. ``Nobody is really certain why it works. As my partner says, if you have a crying baby, you don't care why it works.''

Nothing can replace Mom. Unless, maybe, it's something that sounds like Mom.

That's the thought behind ``nite nite - the Comfort Bear'' sold through actress Jean Kasem's Burbank-based nursery accessory manufacturing firm, Little Miss Liberty of Beverly Hills.

The $29.95 bear comes equipped with a sound-activated device, that according to the brochure, provides ``soothing biological sounds recorded from a mother's womb.'' Kasem recently introduced a crib ``Wonderbumper,'' with a similar sound-activated device for $49.95.

``It works best on colicky babies and babies who have trouble adjusting outside the womb,'' she said.

Dr. Glenn Irani, a Tarzana pediatrician, said that as a last resort he has suggested SleepTight, a device that attaches to the baby's crib.

The device, which sells for $89.95 and $124.95, consists of a vibration unit and a sound unit that simulates a car ride at 55 mph. The vibration unit is placed under the crib and gently rocks it. The sound unit is attached to the side of the bed and provides the rushing sound of wind passing a closed car window, according to the manufacturer, Sweet Dreams Inc.

``I have patients who swear by it,'' Irani said, ``and some who thought it was an $80 rip-off.''

The endless stream of new gimmicks to calm a crying baby leaves some doctors with mixed feelings.

Barry Lester, director of the Infant Crying and Behavior Clinic at Women and Infants Hospital in Providence, R.I., said if a product works to stop a baby's cries, great. But if it fails, parents should not be upset with themselves.

``On the one hand, I would say anything that works,'' he said. ``On the other hand, I don't want to encourage parents to rely on crutches and substitute things for themselves. People can over-rely on products. It's one thing to use it as an aid and another thing to overuse it.''

Not every baby will respond the same to a gadget. Old-fashioned methods have worked and continue to work for many parents, says Holly Calig, a registered nurse who teaches prenatal classes at Columbia West Hills Medical Center.

``I think that parents, before they have their babies, think, `How am I ever going to understand what this cry means?' '' Calig said. ``It's impossible to tell them they will. They will understand cries through tone, endurance, through the pattern of the cry.''

Of course, every baby is different. Their fussy times vary. What works for one might not work for another. But, usually, the cause of crying is fairly fundamental.

``Parents have to look at the real basic issues, at why babies are crying: Are they wet? Are they hungry? Are they cold? Hot? Sick? Or the big one that parents don't give enough credit for: Are they crying just to make noise? Babies do that, they blow off energy.''

Many families find that their babies seem to fall apart in the late afternoon or early evening.

``This is the time of day when parents are busiest, attending to dinner, mail, when babies are handled the least amount,'' Calig said. ``They're sensitive to this and know this is a change, they're not getting enough attention.''

While singing helped comfort two of Teresa Maynes' three kids, it was the last thing that her middle child, Julian, now 3, wanted to hear as a crying infant.

``I would sing and he would get more agitated,'' said Maynes, 34, of Burbank. ``I finally figured it out by trial and error.''

At Lester's clinic, a team of pediatricians and mental-health professionals help families deal with the stress of a baby who has colic or cries excessively. Once possible medical disorders are ruled out, the medical teams provide families with coping techniques for potential long-term effects, such as sleep problems for the child, as well as the relationship between the child and parents and issues affecting the parents' relationship.

``We do have mothers who say, `I was ready to throw this kid against the wall, outside the window,' '' Lester said. ``I think it's a common feeling but rarely verbalized for obvious reasons. Part of what we try to work on is acknowledging to the mother that these kinds of feelings are normal and appropriate. If you have a kid like that, it's perfectly normal to hate this kid. You can have these feelings and still have enough control not to act up on them. It's important to acknowledge the feelings and work through the guilt that goes along with it. I think that helps them not act upon it.''

For Gettings, coping with Alexandra's nonstop crying was something she just got used to eventually.

Luckily, her newborn son, Stone, has a milder temperament. When he fusses, all it takes to calm him is a pacifier or his baby swing.

``I always tell people he came from another side of heaven,'' Gettings said.

Timetable for a call to arms 

An infant's seemingly endless urge to cry can be a source of frustration for parents. But, there is light at the end of the tunnel as a child moves through the typical stages of development.

Here are some hints to help determine why your child is crying:

Six weeks - This is usually when crying peaks.

Four to six months - At this stage, babies can be relatively calm, although crying may come with the introduction of solid foods.

Eight to nine months - Stranger anxiety, expressed through crying, can set in now.

Twelve months - Attachment issues rear their heads at this stage; a child might cry when a parent is out of his or her sight.

Timetable for a call to arms

An infant's seemingly endless urge to cry can be a source of frustration for parents. But, there is light at the end of the tunnel as a child moves through the typical stages of development.

Here are some hints to help determine why your child is crying:

Six weeks - This is usually when crying peaks.

Four to six months - At this stage, babies can be relatively calm, although crying may come with the introduction of solid foods.

Eight to nine months - Stranger anxiety, expressed through crying, can set in now.

Twelve months - Attachment issues rear their heads at this stage; a child might cry when a parent is out of his or her sight.

CAPTION(S):

Box, 8 Photos

PHOTO or -- cover) How do you calm a crying baby?

(2 -- 7) no caption (baby cries, baby laughs, baby looks)

David Sprague/Daily News

(8) Gettings in the bathroom with daughter Alexandra, now 2. Says Gettings' wife, Anne, of the difficult early days life with their then-newborn daughter: ``She wouldn't cry in there, I think because of the fan noise and bright lights. My husband and I laugh because we would eat in there ... it was so nice to have peace.'' Fortunately for them, newborn son Stone is much more placid.

Shaun Dyer/Special to the Daily News

BOX: Timetable for a call to arms (see text)