FOR CONCERNED DADS, `TOMMY' OFFERS HOPE.Byline: Brad Stetson Bradley Leon Stetson is an American writer born at Edwards Air Force Base in Southern California in 1963. He has written widely on social, political and religious topics including Human Dignity and Contemporary Liberalism (Praeger 1998, see Classical liberalism), Special to the Daily News ``Tommy & Me: The Making of a Dad'' by Ben Stein Benjamin Jeremy Stein (born November 25, 1944) is an American writer and commentator, Emmy Award-winning actor, comedian, and game show host. He was also formerly a lawyer, law professor, and White House speechwriter. He is the son of noted economist and writer Herbert Stein. (The Free Press, 166 pages; $23) Our rating: Four Stars If you were to ask five different people the question ``what's Ben Stein famous for doing?'' you'd probably get five different answers. He's the excruciatingly monotone-voiced teacher at the beginning of the movie ``Ferris Bueller's Day Off,'' slowly repeating ``Bueller, Bueller...''; or he's the equally dull science teacher from ``The Wonder Years'' television show; or he's the commercial face of ``Clear Eyes'' eyedrops; or he's the TV game show host on Comedy Central's ``Win Ben Stein's Money''; or he's a former speech writer for Richard Nixon who now writes conservative social commentary. The fact that each of these answers would be correct bespeaks the manifold manifold In mathematics, a topological space (see topology) with a family of local coordinate systems related to each other by certain classes of coordinate transformations. Manifolds occur in algebraic geometry, differential equations, and classical dynamics. talent of Stein, who is also a lawyer, a professor at Pepperdine University Pepperdine University is a private institution of higher learning affiliated with the Church of Christ in unincorporated Los Angeles County, California, United States. The university's location overlooks the Pacific Ocean and is adjacent to the city limits of Malibu. , an author and an economist. Is there anything this man can't do? A few years ago, he would have answered that question with a dejected de·ject·ed adj. Being in low spirits; depressed. See Synonyms at depressed. de·ject  ed·ly adv. ``Yes, I can't be a good
father.'' Shortly after he and his wife adopted Tommy, a baby
boy, this full-fledged renaissance man Renaissance mann. A man who has broad intellectual interests and is accomplished in areas of both the arts and the sciences. Noun 1. withdrew into a childish shell of selfishness and fear, moving out on his family and isolating himself in his Malibu bungalow bungalow [Indian bangla,=house], dwelling built in a style developed from that of a form of rural house in India. The original bungalow typically has one story, few rooms, and a maximum of cross drafts, with high ceilings, unusually large window and door , deeply regretting his foray into Verb 1. foray into - enter someone else's territory and take spoils; "The pirates raided the coastal villages regularly" raid encroach upon, intrude on, obtrude upon, invade - to intrude upon, infringe, encroach on, violate; "This new colleague invades my fatherhood. But, as Stein explains in this charmingly personal and insightful memoir of his maturity into fatherhood, ``Tommy & Me: The Making of a Dad'' he came to his senses and assumed the role of an attentive father, nurturing his son - literally moment by moment - and largely forming the boy's personality and values. As Stein says of the effect his recovery had on him, ``Once I stopped resisting the responsibility of fatherhood, once I got my priorities straight about fatherhood as compared with everything else, my life was far easier, calmer, and better, not harder and more painful. It's a lot better at 3 in the afternoon and incomparably better at 3 in the morning.'' Stein's witty narrative takes us on a tour of the little confrontations, heartfelt desires and tender moments every dad - or mom - regularly experiences: the battle over bedtime bedtime Sleep disorders The time when one attempts to fall asleep–as distinguished from the time when one gets into bed ; Stein's yearning that his son treat other people decently; the simple joy Stein feels when his son, without being asked or prodded, naturally reaches out for his hand as they walk together. This is a book written by a man who has thought a lot about fatherhood, and who, through his mistakes, has come to understand the profound gravity of being a dad. Thus the book is also a handbook of advice to fathers, and not merely a collection of Stein's experiences. The most important advice Stein offers to men is simple: Spend as much time as possible with your child. Rejecting the concept of ``quality time'' as nonsense, Stein believes only by hanging around your child can the familiarity and intimacy that makes for a rich relationship truly take shape. Indeed, this is perhaps the point in the book that comes through most strongly. Several times while reading ``Tommy & Me,'' I put it down in mid-sentence to go and just sit with my three children as they idly played in the living room, or watched a video. Stein is a master at communicating the importance of a father's constant presence in a child's life, and the first statement of the book's appendix, ``The Ten Commandments Ten Commandments or Decalogue [Gr.,=ten words], in the Bible, the summary of divine law given by God to Moses on Mt. Sinai. They have a paramount place in the ethical system in Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. of Fatherhood,'' urges just that. Other guidelines include: ``Do not allow your children to be rude,'' ``Do not expect your child to make up for your losses when you were a child'' and ``Look for the good in your child and praise it.'' For fathers who feel that they have failed, Stein's honest and inspiring story offers hope and some possible ways to succeed. |
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