FLEISS KNOWS HER STUD FARM CLIENTS WON'T BE WOMEN.

Byline: MARIEL GARZA

Infamous Hollywood madam and famously abused girlfriend Heidi Fleiss has left town. Apparently Los Angeles just isn't debauched enough for the Hi-Fli, and she's headed to Nevada, where she plans, at some point, to open a business called Heidi's Stud Farm.

The studs on this farm will not be of the equine version but hunky men in tight-fitting pants employed to service the various needs of women clients. You know, gigolos.

I say good luck to Heidi. She's going to need it. A lot.

Heidi told the Las Vegas Review-Journal that men are clamoring to work at the stud farm. Sure, what dude wouldn't want to get a check for engaging in his favorite hobby?

Just one problem: Most women just aren't that interested in anonymous flings, especially not if they have to pay for them. If we were, prostitution and pornography wouldn't be such huge businesses.

The Hollywood Madam, of all people, should know this. She spent years making money by providing men - including famous and rich men who should have no problems picking up women - with prostitutes.

Once she was busted and her story made her a celebrity, she continued to make money through the sale of books and products that exploited the libidinous imbalance between men and women.

The popularity of television programs such as ``Desperate Housewives'' and the reality show ``Girls Gone Wild'' - combined with the skanky antics of Paris Hilton and Britney Spears - might indicate a sexual liberation of women. The message is that women of all ages these days are just as sex-obsessed as their male counterparts.

But, like most things on television, this is little more than fantasy. I base this on my long experience as a woman and many years of listening to and observing my female friends and family members.

Oh, sure, women might say they would love nothing more than a toss in the hay without any complications. They might watch ``Sex and the City'' and feel inadequate because they aren't picking up men in cool bars every other night for guilt-free and perfectly safe trysts.

But when it comes down to it, no woman I have ever known could stop her feelings from getting in the way.

If Fleiss wants to make a place where women could buy what they can't get from the men in their lives, she should consider recasting her business plan as a ``cuddle spa,'' but with a better name.

The menu would include services including, but not limited to, a night of spooning (while fully clothed, of course), hourly back rubs, candlelit bubble baths and deep talks about where this is going. Even that would be a gamble because who wants to cuddle with a stranger?

Fleiss might find that most her stud farm clients are the same folks who keep Playgirl magazine in business - and they ain't women.

Simply put, in many simple and irrevocable ways, women are not like men. It's important that women be treated equally in pay for the same work and be given promotion and advancement commensurate with their skills and talents.

But there are some things in which we don't want parity. Heidi's stud farm is one of them.

I suspect Fleiss knows this but also knows the concept would make a great ``reality''-TV show pitch. I know I'd watch it.

Mariel Garza

mariel.garza(at)dailynews.com