FISHER DELIVERS, BUT THE REST IS JUST A 'TEASE'.

Byline: Glenn Whipp Film Critic

You certainly have to give Craig Ferguson (Mr. Wick on ``The Drew Carey Show'') style points for the original premise of his new comedy, ``The Big Tease,'' which follows a Scottish hairdresser on his quest to be recognized as the best hairstylist in the world. It's too bad, then, that Ferguson and the filmmakers couldn't follow through and deliver a movie that didn't rely on stock cliches about L.A. culture and haircutting.

While Ferguson can often be an appealing presence as Crawford Mackenzie, the Rocky of hairdressers, the movie itself comes off mostly as a bad comb-over, a busy exercise in fashion that simply cannot hide the bald spots in its storytelling.

``The Big Tease'' is shot as a mockumentary, much in the vein of ``Waiting for Guffman'' and ``This Is Spinal Tap,'' only without either film's eye for original detail. We first meet Crawford in Glasgow, where he exuberantly learns that he has been invited to compete in the prestigious Platinum Scissors competition in Los Angeles. Crawford says good-bye to his mates and his mum and flies to L.A., only to learn that he was invited as an audience member, not as a contestant.

Undeterred, Crawford sets about, camera crew in tow, to win a place in the competition. Along the way, he acquires the help of Sean Connery's piercing publicist (Frances Fisher, who delivers the film's standout performance), a shady limo driver and assorted other fruits and nuts native to Los Angeles. Baiting him at every turn is the reigning Platinum Scissors champion, Stig Ludwiggssen (David Rasche), a haughty hairstylist who seems to have modeled his own appearance after Fabio. Drew Carey, David Hasselhoff and various supermodels and hair gurus make cameo appearances.

Ferguson has lived in Los Angeles since 1995, but you wouldn't know it by the way he and co-writer Sacha Gervasi look at the city. The film is one long parade of Southland stereotypes - bald women, Koreatown drive-by shootings, skateboarders and shallowness - that sorely lacks inspiration. The broadsides on Angelenos' vanity are more on the mark. Ferguson to Fisher's publicist on their first meeting: ``You're using a non-soluble finishing rinse held in place with a flammable stiffener. Are you mad?'' One makeover later, she's putty in Crawford's expert hands.

Of course, a little Crawford goes a long way. Like Myles Berkowitz, the real-life protagonist in last February's faux-documentary ``20 Dates,'' Ferguson's Scottish hero wears a bit thin after a while. By the time this 87-minute film ends, you won't be sorry to see him return to Scotland, leaving Southland streets free of Scottish hairdressers. Now if only we could be rid of those skateboarders and bald women ...

THE FACTS

--The film: ``The Big Tease'' (R; language).

--The stars: Craig Ferguson, Frances Fisher, Mary McCormack.

--Behind the scenes: Directed by Kevin Allen. Screenplay by Sacha Gervasi and Craig Ferguson. Released by Warner Bros.

--Running time: One hour, 26 minutes.

--Playing: Laemmle's Sunset 5 Theatres in West Hollywood; Mann Criterion 6 in Santa Monica.

--Our rating: two stars

CAPTION(S):

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Photo: Craig Ferguson as Scottish hairdresser Crawford Mackenzie, with his model, Veronica Webb, in ``The Big Tease.''

Box: THE FACTS (see text)