FILM PROFILE: NANNY STATE.Byline: BETH NEIL NEIL Nuclear Electric Insurance Limited NEIL Network Engineering and Integration Lab They have populated classic films since way back when, providing care and comfort for privileged children. But given the dark characters some nannies possess, it's a wonder that any parent would entrust their precious offspring to one. This week sees the release of Nanny McPhee, starring Emma Thompson Emma Thompson (born 15 April 1959) is an Emmy-, BAFTA- and Academy Award-winning English actress, comedian, and screenwriter. She is also a patron of the Refugee Council. Biography Early life Thompson was born in Paddington, London, England. as a pug-ugly childminder who uses her magical powers to tame the seven tiny terrors in her charge. Here, BETH NEIL looks back at the celluloid stars who've done their bit for nannydom. PETER PAN (1953) NAME: Nana DESCRIPTION: Large, shaggy and - quite rare amongst nannies - a dog. SPOONFUL OF SUGAR? OK, if you let magical nannies look after your kids you get lots of fun and adventures. But who on Earth would allow a dog be their children's nanny? What would the school run be like? And can a canine help with homework? Makes the rest of Peter Pan look like a flight of fancy. BROLLY RATING: 0/10 MARY POPPINS (1964) NAME: Mary Poppins DESCRIPTION: Prim and proper, but likes a bit of rough and hangs around with chimney sweeps on rooftops. SPOONFUL OF SUGAR? As sweet as they come. Walking into the Banks household, Julie Andrews (left) brings calm to the chaos. And with a laugh, a song and a bit of magic, even the kids are able to tidy up. Meanwhile, dad learns how to get the most out of life... by flying a kite. BROLLY RATING: 9/10 THE HAND THAT ROCKS THE CRADLE (1992) NAME: Peyton Flanders DESCRIPTION: Mary Poppins turned mad crack whore. SPOONFUL OF SUGAR? Rebecca de Mornay (left) took on the lead role of a nanny out for revenge in this Curtis Hanson thriller. The Bartel family engage Peyton - a psychotic loon loon, common name for migratory aquatic birds found in fresh- and saltwater in the colder parts of the Northern Hemisphere. Its strange, laughing call carries for great distances. Like the grebes, loons float low in the water and their legs are placed far back. of the highest order - not realising she has a massive grudge against the mother. Big mistake. BROLLY RATING: 7/10 MR NANNY (1993) NAME: Sean Armstrong DESCRIPTION: Brainless brain·less adj. Unintelligent; stupid. brain  less·ly adv.brain hulk in a no-brainer. SPOONFUL OF SUGAR? Ex-wrestler Hulk Hogan's highly debatable skills as an actor were seriously put to the test in this challenging role (right) as, erm, an ex-professional wrestler. Here, he is hired as a nanny/bodyguard to two brattish kids. As much fun as a being put into a half-nelson by Ann Widdecombe. BROLLY RATING: 1/10 MRS MRS - Modifiable Representation System. An integration of logic programming into Lisp. ["A Modifiable Representation System", M. Genesereth et al, HPP 80-22, CS Dept Stanford U 1980]. DOUBTFIRE (1993) NAME: Daniel Hillard. DESCRIPTION: Cross dressing, fake Scottish, girdle-wearing freak. SPOONFUL OF SUGAR? Divorced Daniel Hillard (Robin Williams, right) misses his kids, so he comes up with the most inventive way of spending more time with them. Donning a wig, prosthetics and a frumpy frump n. 1. A girl or woman regarded as dull, plain, or unfashionable. 2. A person regarded as colorless and primly sedate. dress, he transforms himself into Mrs Doubtfire, a devoted housekeeper his ex-wife hires on the spot. Williams loses vital marks for describing himself as an English nanny and then proceeding to speak with a Scottish accent throughout the movie. BROLLY RATING: 6/10 THE PACIFIER (2005) NAME: Shane Wolfe. DESCRIPTION: An armed nanny who provoked audiences to pull the trigger on Vin Diesel's career. SPOONFUL OF SUGAR? A disgraced Navy Seal (Diesel, below) goes undercover as a nanny to protect five children from enemies of their recently deceased scientist father. And - would you believe it? - he finds it tougher looking after the kids than taking down an entire Al Qaeda training camp single-handed, armed only with Swiss Army knife. BROLLY RATING: 1/10 NANNY McPHEE (2005) NAME: Nanny McPhee. DESCRIPTION: Mary Poppins crossed with a warthog. SPOONFUL OF SUGAR? The Brown kids should, by rights, all be the subject of Asbos if not prison sentences. They torture and terrorise Verb 1. terrorise - coerce by violence or with threats terrorize coerce, force, hale, pressure, squeeze - to cause to do through pressure or necessity, by physical, moral or intellectual means :"She forced him to take a job in the city"; "He squeezed her for their nannies with gay abandon until McPhee turns up to whip them into shape using magic. Based on the books by Nurse Matilda, this is a sweet treat for all the family. BROLLY RATING: 8/10 AND IN REAL LIFE... JO FROST DESCRIPTION: A slightly scary Norland Nanny gone to seed in C4's Supernanny. SPOONFUL OF SUGAR? Nanny knows best. Seems to genuinely care about the troubled families she's helping. Frost's (above) tried and tested formula continues to work a treat with the little horrors she deals with week in, week out on the hugely popular TV series. BROLLY RATING: 8/10 DAISY WRIGHT DESCRIPTION: Sienna sienna: see ocher. Miller's one-time love rival. SPOONFUL OF SUGAR? Daisy (right) saw to the needs of Jude Law's three children. But when she saw to the needs of Jude himself she was shown the red card. Jude was forced into a public apology in a bid to save his relationship with girlfriend Sienna. It looks like it didn't work. She may have made a mint out of selling her story, but how many women are now going to let Daisy within a country mile of their hubbies? BROLLY RATING: 2/10 CAPTION(S): STUNNER stunner device used in abattoirs to stun an animal so that it is unconscious when it is bled out. concussion stunner a captive-bolt, nonpenetrating device, activated by a standard bullet. : Emma Thompson in Nanny McPhee |
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