FIGHT BACK : STAY-AT-HOME-DADS CHANGE NATURE OF AMERICAN FAMILY.

Byline: David Horowitz 

Years ago, there was something peculiar about the idea of men staying at home while their wives went out to work every day, as if it violated some basic tenet of American family life. But the structure of the American family is changing, and today, some 2 million fathers stay at home with the children while their wives work outside the home.

One reason is that men are no longer considered the sole breadwinners of the family. Researchers at the University of Michigan and University of Wisconsin found that less than half of American men in 1992 earned 70 percent or more of the family income. As more women have entered the workplace, and their earnings have increased, they've acquired the status of ``co-providers'' - full partners in the household economy.

Men also are discovering that there is more to life than going to the office every day. In 1988, American fathers spent an average of only 26 minutes a day with their children. Today, that's more than doubled - which seems to indicate that men finally are beginning to appreciate their role as parents and child-care providers. It's often cited by stay-at-home husbands as their primary reason for exchanging roles with their wives; they want to spend more time with their children.

Housework is not fun, but men are at least capable of doing it. I realized years ago that I actually enjoy grocery shopping, and I like to think that I'm pretty good at it. Unfortunately, studies show that even when fathers stay at home, their wives still do most of the laundry, cleaning and other household chores. (Social evolution is a slow process.)

Making the transition is not always easy. Many men feel isolated staying at home, deprived of the professional interaction to which they were accustomed at work. They may feel their role within the family has somehow been diminished. Wives may experience jealousy that their role as the primary parent is being co-opted by their husbands. These are issues that couples need to work out before making major changes in their family responsibilities.

It helps, of course, if the person staying at home is also contributing to the family income. That may involve operating a home business or telecommuting. Many so-called house husbands are either self-employed or work for businesses that allow them to work from home by means of a computer and modem.

Telecommuting is a growing trend with some obvious advantages and serious limitations. There's no morning commute to the office, no dress code, no need to be miles away when you're needed at home.

On the other hand, it means finding a business that lends itself to this type of work and an employer who encourages working off-site. Telecommuters must be extremely self-disciplined not to be distracted working at home. There's also a tendency among telecommuters to overwork and separate themselves from their families, even though they're in the same house. Many telecommuters also say they miss the interaction with their colleagues and support services provided by an office.

House husbands may remain a minority among American men for years to come. Social norms simply don't change that rapidly. But it at least offers families additional options in assigning roles and responsibilities. And if men finally begin to appreciate the fact the housework is work, women may say, ``Well, it's about time!''