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FANTASY GEEKS REALITY DEPRIVED; SOME ROTISSERIE OWNERS TURN HOBBY INTO SECOND JOB.


Byline: NORMAN CHAD Norman Chad is a Los Angeles-based sportswriter and syndicated columnist who is frequently seen on the sports channel ESPN. Alongside sportscaster Lon McEachern, Chad is perhaps the best-known commentator on the World Series of Poker for ESPN.  

Many of us have stayed silent for as long as we can. We can stay silent no longer. Fantasy football Fantasy football can refer to:
  • Fantasy football (American)
  • Fantasy football (soccer)
  • Fantasy football (board games)
  • Fantasy Football League
  • Fantasy Football (Australian Rules)
 freaks: Please take your stats and your charts and your sad-sack lives and go sit in a sandbox in your own backyard, out of sight, out of your minds and out of my harm's way harm's way
n.
A risky position; danger: a place for the children that is out of harm's way; ships that sail into harm's way. 
.

Fantasy football, an outgrowth of Rotisserie baseball, works like this: You read fantasy magazines, you draft players, you make deals, you chart games, you lose touch with life as we know it Life As We Know It is an American television drama on the ABC network during the 2004-2005 season. It was created by Gabe Sachs and Jeff Judah. The series was based on the novel Doing It by British writer Melvin Burgess. .

Some people call them ``fantasy geeks,'' I prefer to think of them as ``reality losers.''

In my local NFL NFL
abbr.
National Football League

NFL (US) n abbr (= National Football League) → Fußball-Nationalliga
 sports bar, one guy walks in every Sunday with his hair combed like Bobby Beathard, another wears Al Davis black and mutters profanities. These fellows talk up trades all week long, and THEY ACTUALLY THINK THEY'RE THE GENERAL MANAGER OR OWNER OF SOME NFL TEAM.

To these guys, it's not a weekend hobby, it's a second job.

(And make no mistake about it - these are all guys. Of the estimated 470,000 fantasy football participants in this country, 469,999 are men and the other is the Fabulous Sports Babe.)

Fantasy football is part of the numerical rubbish of the '90s, stats and figures signifying nothing. People don't reason and deduce any more, they just add and subtract. It doesn't matter who's ahead on the stadium scoreboard, it just matters who piles up the most yards and sacks.

This is all you need to know about this idle nonsense - in fantasy football, you want Jeff George.

So, please, if you have to do it, I implore im·plore  
v. im·plored, im·plor·ing, im·plores

v.tr.
1. To appeal to in supplication; beseech: implored the tribunal to have mercy.

2.
 you - do it in the privacy of your own home, just as The Man only listens to his ``Best of Toto'' tapes when no one else is around.

(New Jersey Sports Update: Giants 6-3, Jets 6-3, Nets 3-0, Devils 9-5, all in or near first place. Suddenly, the swamp-ridden Meadowlands feels like Taj Mahal Off The Turnpike. Footnote: If the Spice Girls can sell 19 million records, I guess it's not so hard to believe the Giants are above .500.)

(Family Affair Update: Bill Tobin is 0-9 as general manager with the Colts; Vince Tobin is 2-7 as coach of the Cardinals. The Brothers Tobin might be the most destructive sibling combination since Donny and Marie Osmond.)

As always, the following point-spread picks should not be used as the basis for any actual cash wager:

Bengals (-2) at Colts: OK, Indy, listen up: You're playing against lose-at-all-costs Bruce Coslet, whose mentor was fastest-ever-to-100-defeats Sam Wyche. This is what we call in the gridiron business a ``win opportunity.'' Pick: Colts.

Cardinals at Cowboys (-9): Sure, Michael Irvin was jobbed. Then again, Irvin usually pushes off more than a pickpocket PICKPOCKET. A thief; one who in a crowd or. in other places, steals from the pockets or person of another without putting him in fear. This is generally punished as simple larceny.  at Times Square. To save time and aggravation, Cardinals will simply plead ``no contest'' to all remaining road games. Pick: Cowboys.

Saints at Raiders (-10): His patience gone, Saints coach Mike Ditka now expects players to be in full pads at bed check. Raiders defense giving up 423 yards per game. What, they playing Nebraska every week? Pick: Saints.

Panthers at Broncos (-7-1/2): Broncos G Brian Habib, thinking he was removing clump of turf from RB Terrell Davis' face mask Face mask
The simplest way of delivering a high level of oxygen to patients with ARDS or other low-oxygen conditions.

Mentioned in: Adult Respiratory Distress Syndrome
 last Sunday, inadvertently pulled off his left eyebrow. Pick: Broncos.

49ers (-4-1/2) at Eagles: It looks like I might've been wrong on 49ers Coach Steve Mariucci. But, geez geez  
interj.
Used to express mild surprise, delight, dissatisfaction, or annoyance.



[Shortening and alteration of Jesus1.]
, would you put someone at the controls of a 767 who's never even flown in a plane? Pick: Eagles.

Bears at Vikings (-9-1/2): Bears' Dave Wannstedt is a decent coach, but at this point, if he ordered two eggs over easy This is an article about the pub band. For the egg dish see Fried egg.
Eggs over Easy is one of the earliest pub rock groups of the 1970s. They began recording in 1970 (see 1970 in music) with producer Chas Chandler (of the Jimi Hendrix Experience), but various label problems
 with a side of bacon Noun 1. side of bacon - salted and cured abdominal wall of a side of pork
flitch

gammon - hind portion of a side of bacon

side of pork - dressed half of a hog carcass
, he'd get a tuna salad sandwich minus the pickle. Pick: Vikings.

Giants at Oilers (-3-1/2): If the Giants win the NFC NFC
abbr.
National Football Conference
 East, I will swim the Hudson River buck-naked from Fort Lee to Tarrytown while carrying Harry from Hackensack on my back. Pick: Oilers.

Chiefs at Jaguars (-4-1/2): Trying to pass-rush Mark Brunell with four linemen is like trying to cut down a redwood with a bread knife. Pick: Jaguars.

Patriots (-3-1/2) at Bills: If Pete Carroll were a butcher, I'd almost certainly become a vegetarian. Don't forget: Patriots 5-4 en route to 8-8. Pick: Bills.

Seahawks (-2) at Chargers: In regards to Chargers coach Kevin Gilbride - to be honest, I was with Buddy Ryan on that one. Pick: Seahawks.

Buccaneers Buccaneers can refer to:
  • Buccaneers Rugby Club: A semi-professional rugby union team based in Athlone, Co. Westmeath, Ireland
  • The Tampa Bay Buccaneers, founded in 1976, still exist
  • The Los Angeles Buccaneers played only in the 1926 season
 (-3-1/2) at Falcons: Various ancient cultures sacrificed virgins; modern-day culture sacrifices Falcons coaches. Pick: Buccaneers.

Lions at Redskins Redskins can refer to:
  • Redskin (slang), a controversial term referring to Native Americans
  • The Washington Redskins, a United States football team.
  • Redskin (subculture), a socialist or communist skinhead
  • The Redskins, a 1980s English left-wing soul/punk band
 (-4-1/2): If Scott Mitchell were a crossing guard, no one would ever get to the other side of the road. Pick: Redskins.

Rams at Packers (-14-1/2): Packers have no-huddle offense; Rams have no-offense huddle. Pick: Packers.

Jets at Dolphins (-3): For his next trick, Bill Parcells will revive the Ottoman Empire. Pick: Jets.

Ravens at Steelers (-7): Ravens game film now features ``Pop Up Videos.'' Pick: Ravens.

Last week: 9-5.(x)

Season record: 70-60-4.

((x) Who's that train a'coming? At 20-8 the past two weeks, The Man, that's who! Choo-choo)

CAPTION(S):

Photo

Photo: Coach Mike Ditka and the 2-7 Saints are 10-point underdogs for Sunday's game against the Raiders.

Daily News File Photo
COPYRIGHT 1997 Daily News
No portion of this article can be reproduced without the express written permission from the copyright holder.
Copyright 1997, Gale Group. All rights reserved. Gale Group is a Thomson Corporation Company.

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Article Details
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Title Annotation:SPORTS
Publication:Daily News (Los Angeles, CA)
Date:Nov 9, 1997
Words:879
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