Eye of the storm.

ZERO'S ENTRY into King of the Road all started about one year ago during the Zero summer tour. As the Thrasher King of the Road issue got passed around the van, it was clear that everyone wanted to be a part of the next one. One call to Burnett and it was a done deal. For the next two weeks the Zero team would be at the mercy of the weather, the road, each other--and the words "Fair and Binding."

JACKSONVILLE

THE START OF our King of the Road journey was the equivalent of stepping in a pile of dog shit before a big date. So we were supposed to start in Jacksonville, Florida. The only problem was our flight pattern led us straight into the eye of Hurricane Charlie. We heard through the grapevine that Real would be starting in Florida also, but that they had left two days prior to beat the Hurricane. Great. We all felt like we were already running late before the damn trip had even started. Nor did we know it at the time, but this little race with the Real guys would go on for nearly half the length of the country.

Our flight went great until Houston; that's when reality decided to make its first of many appearances. All flights into Orlando flashed "CANCELLED" on the tale-prompter, which meant our only option was to be rerouted to West Palm Beach and drive the rest of the way up to Jacksonville in two rented mini-vans. OK. that's doable. The problem started when we arrived in Florida--our luggage never got the memo. and we were left: stranded with no luggage and only two skateboards. Yep, only two people had the foresight to bring their boards carry-on. Very professional.

Two boards, two mini-vans, and two hours later we stopped on the side of the road to open our KOTR package when it was finally 11:59pm on Friday, August 13th. Everyone huddled around Jamie as he opened the package and skimmed through the challenges. Then we hit the road completely energized.

There would be frequent cell phone calls between vans as we read off challenges. "Someone has to wear pads for a day!" Jamie would say via cell phone to the other van. Or, "Tommy's got to make out with a 40-year-old!" The Backyard Pool list of tricks was looking especially rough. With no Rattray to help us, we figured we'd have to work overtime to make up for a blank pool page. Who else on Zero can do inverts in a backyard pool? I don't remember seeing any of those in anyone's sponsor-me videos. At the first Waffle House we spotted, we grubbed Jamie's favorite delicacy, then immediately got to work on flatground tricks in the parking lot of an adjacent gas station. We knocked out about three tricks, and it was off to Jacksonville.

Jacksonville was our first City Challenge, and it was pretty chill: skate Kona park with Mike Peterson, drop in on the tombstone, and have a coffin race. Before heading to the park we had to pick up a generator that was purchased from Black Box a week in advance. If we were all astronauts, Black Box would be our mission control. We had Wiggins back at the Box monitoring our progress. This was definitely a team effort.

On the way to Kona park we knocked two things off the In-The-Van Challenges list. First, merely five minutes after picking up the generator, we found a hitchhiker. Turned out Steve just got out of jail and needed a lift downtown to his irate girlfriend. No problem, you're worth 20 points. With Steve uncomfortably stowed in the rear corner seat we suss a primer grey '81 full-size Ford with a confederate flag sticker on the back window and a couple of Jerry Springer-like teenagers in the cab. They looked like the perfect ingredients for the 50-points Show Your Tits Challenge. Evidently, five dollars cash money goes a long way in the South for a healthy dose of all-natural eye candy. We even got two takes at it, because the footage in the first take wasn't good enough (a reoccurring theme during the trip). One of the minivans missed the whole thing so Cole had to give us a recap: "If Barney Rubble had a set of fits, that's how they'd look," he explained. Not sure if that's good or bad....

We roll into the Kona parking lot to find Mike Peterson there to greet us. Before everyone even unloads the van, Brockman already handled dropping into the tombstone. So far so good. By far the highlight of the coffin race was the starter girl that everyone on the team was eyeing but wouldn't talk to. The coffin race down the snake run at Kona was brutal. Even more brutal was that the poorest dude on the squad, Tommy Sandoval, lost and had to buy everyone else Kona dogs. It was almost poetic in a way that Jamie won and the new kid on the team lost. This was the first of many dues that Tommy would have to pay during the course of the trip.

TEAM ZERO JACKSONVILLE CHALLENGES

Skate Kona with Mike Peterson

One person must drop in on Kona's big tombstone

Have a coffin race down the big snake run ...

Last place buys Kona dogs for everyone

ATLANTA

OUR TWO VANS rolled into Atlanta at five in the morning after a two-hour detour through Thomasville. By doing this, not only did we score points for visiting a city with the same name as a team member, but we also got a sampling of two underage punk girl's asses!

Everyone was skating flatground at a closed gas station when a car with two punk chicks drives up. "We need you to show us your ass out of the window of a moving ear!" we ordered them.

"I can't pull my skirt down since it will rib my stockings!" One of the girls complained.

"Who cares! Just charge!" was the general response. When used at the right time, the same tagline that could push someone into skating the biggest rail can also be handy in other areas of life. Besides, is there really any better way to pass the boredom of small town living at two in the morning than to show two van loads of sweaty strangers your bare asses? I think not! (It actually took some extra coaxing--but who cares? Twenty points!)

The next day we finally traded in our mini-vans for one big Chevy van at the Atlanta airport. Jamie's friend Joel would be our tour guide and the first spot of the day, by unanimous decision (except for Tommy's vote), was a ditch. Yawn; however, just minutes later we found ourselves exiting the freeway early to check out a 12-stair. Yes, now this is what I signed up for. The spot was perfect, because it not only had a 12-stair but also a manual pad and a small eight-stair rail. While Tommy skated the 12, Allie and Jamie got a couple tricks on the eight, as Cole and Bodiford nearly finished up the entire manual page on their own. Way to go team. In about an hour we managed to X off about 12 tricks. Right before leaving, Tommy backside 180'd the massive dirt gap from parking lot to parking lot. As the sun lay low on the horizon, we all jetted over to the MLK rails where Cole had the line with a lipslide 5-0 kickflip in Dying to Live. That spot was perfect for the 13 tricks down 13, plus we could at least get on the scorecard with the most-rails-in-a-row challenge.

Good thing we had two filmers at MLK, because stuff was going down in all directions. No sooner after Jamie rode away from the barefoot front board for the fifth time, the rest of the dudes began rolling away from the 13. Bodiford's ballpoint was running dry as Tommy, Allie, Cole, Brockman, and Jamie each contributed a few moves apiece, adding up to 16 tricks total as the scene faded to black. The funny thing was that all this went down on the same two boards, plus Joel's filming board.

Now nighttime had fallen, and so had the rain. A short stroll around the city looking for a rail to skate in the rain was useless so we found an underground parking garage to get the last two tricks that weren't landed the night before. Everyone pretty much sat around and watched Cole try the switch backside 360 kickflip over and over. I think that was the first time a lot of us saw Cole actually get frustrated, but come on, that trick is from hell! Before breaking his last board he nailed it. Meanwhile, Jamie got the call that our bags had finally arrived at the Atlanta airport. After two days of riding two boards and donning the same clothes we could finally get our belongings.

Before heading back to the hotel we hit up one last spot where Tommy and Bodiford got some final tricks for the day. We were getting so much done so fast with awesome random challenges thrown in for fun that we were sure we would win. Little did we know that everything would soon change the next day in Birmingham.

THE STARTER

CHRIS COLE came out swinging early in the trip. He came into it the most eager and earnest. managing to knock off huge portions of the more technical flatground, ditch, and ledge tricks.

BIRMINGHAM

JUST THREE HOURS AWAY from where Jamie grew up in Dothan, Alabama, our next stop was Birmingham. We had three hours to kill in the van, perfect to mark off more In-The-Van Challenges. With the moving-car punk butts out of the way the night before, we took it easy and warmed up with getting a trucker to honk his horn. Silly. Next we set to work on getting an elderly person to flip us off. We were trying really hard but it seemed that old people in the South are just too darn nice. Instead of showing us the finger, many of them would instead give us a beaming thumbs up with a smile. People from the South just aren't as rude as your average Mercedes C-Class-driving Republican from Orange County, Jamie tried in vain to explain to everyone. Still, nobody could really understand this amazing phenomenon, especially James. The usually docile Brockman kept insisting on making a sign taunting "Flip us off, old tuck!" After a heated argument the idea was abandoned, leaving Jamie visibly irritated. No doubt James took the sign home to entertain himself on his own time.

Before we got into town Jamie called Ben Gilley to show us some stuff and hook us up with some potential ladies for the Make-Out Challenges. We struck gold when he called a chick--excuse me, woman--from the Harley dealer he frequents.

"She's a 44-year-old redhead biker chick!" Gilley said. She didn't even hesitate to say yes.

We arrived in Birmingham and hooked up with Gilley outside Faith boardshop. For those who don't know, Ben has a custom Harley that's as gnarly as he is. With the sound of his exhaust echoing off the brick buildings of Birmingham, he led us to a nearby wallride spot. The crew split up and dropped Allie off to get a Thrasher tattoo, while the rest of the squad scoured the town to make a pole jam. We finally found several potential poles in an abandoned lot under the freeway. Obviously, the easiest way to make a poll jam is to ram it with the van, but the first blow from the van's rear bumper barely bent it at all. The second blow was off the mark and folded the middle part of the bumper like a sheet of Reynold's Wrap. On the third and final blow, Jamie had created a perfect specimen of a pole jam. After the session we swung by the tattoo parlor just as the last letter of Allie's "Skate and Destroy" was injected into his bicep.

Remember how everything was good up until Birmingham? Just before we left to make the pole jam, the Real dudes pulled up to skate a flatbar with Ben Gilley. It turned out Birmingham was also one of their City Challenges, with one of the tasks being to skate a rail with our tour guide. They were so desperate to skate with Gilley that they actually had scouts scouring the city to find him. After nearly a day of searching, they finally tracked him down and showed up at Faith while we were all happily joking around outside. That sucked. The entire Real team (besides Darrell) was all business. No one really talked to each other. They just set up a flatbar, skated it with Ben for 10 minutes, then were out.

The last thing we heard was Jasin Phares uttering, "We got shit to do. We're on a tight schedule here." This was the first time in the trip that we came in contact with another team, and that moment would change the entire dynamic of the trip. This whole time we had never even thought about how any of the other teams were doing, but based on that encounter it was clear that they were probably doing a hell of a lot better than we were. Despite already completing huge chunks of the book, we had catching up to do.

SUCKFACE SANDOVAL

TOMMY SANDOVAL IS SKETCHY. He'll lip the 20 then take a loogie straight to the face. It is this admirable sketchiness that made him a perfect candidate to bring along on King of the Road. Whether she was a 44-year-old biker chick from a Harley shop or a 20-something store clerk, details really didn't matter. In 12-hours time he single-handedly racked in all the points of the make-out challenges Sure, there definitely were points involved, but on a tow occasions he went for it even if the girl didn't have the required ID Good times!

So the chick is five years older but no photo ID: "We're both here, lets do this. You just got two girls in Alabama to show you their ass. Why not go for the make out, too?

"You only live once" he said.

LITTLE ROCK

SEEING THE REAL GUYS and how serious they were really cut into our sleep time over the remaining week and a half. Now we were all in stereotypical Zero mode: steady chomping until the rooster crows at sun up.

By this point, everyone was well adjusted to functioning at night. It was day time in Little Rock and everyone seemed pretty lethargic. Despite the shitty scenario, Cole muscled through it to cross off some tranny tricks at the local skatepark. We then found a tour guide who took us to a ditch under a freeway. The ground was pretty rugged for 51s, but within a couple hours all of the ditch tricks were done-again--mostly due to Cole's tenacity. On the walk back to the van Jamie got a second wind and ollied off the roof without much thought. A quick bit of spot recon would end with Tommy getting a couple rail tricks and Cole hammering out a few more moves on a high ledge. Like the Real team, at this point we, too, were on a tight schedule, which would lead us to Tulsa later that night to complete our City Challenge.

THE THOMAS GUIDE 

JAMIE THOMAS was Zero's guiding force all throughout King of the Road. From handling driving, directions, contacts, hotels, organizing footage, and skating, he did more than was humanly possible. If it weren't for him the rest of the team would still be in Utah hanging out with Tully.

TULSA

YEE-HAW! Tulsa, Oklahoma at 2:00am! Peter Ramondetta and Ernie Tortes are both from this town, which means we were coasting down Main Street straight into the heart of Real country. In Birmingham we had the home court advantage. Now we were in enemy territory. So light up them Marlboros--we were out-of-our-minds deliriously tired and had to complete our City Challenge tonight, folks.

Driving through the center of town, we spotted the Real team van in a vacant parking lot next to a bar. Tight schedule my ass! We took it upon ourselves to fuel the flames. Jamie ran up and put a King of the Road sticker with "Zero or Die!" Sharpied on it. Why not? Bring it on. We opened our new City Challenge envelope and had to do three things--skate a skate-proofed spot, skate the big rail from a Cardiel Anti-Hero ad, and make a three-person board jumping a three-stair with three people. Knowing the Real team was so close, he had a revived motivation to get the stuff done and get the hell out of there.

In the parking lot where we opened the City Challenge were banks with a flatbar at the bottom so people couldn't skate the slopes. That was their idea of a skate-proofed spot. Perfect. Everyone found interesting ways to skate it anyway, but while that was going on Cole picked away at another manual trick. Meanwhile, Allie was getting directions from a random lurker to the Cardiel rail. After snacks we successfully found the rail and set up with Brockman and Allie, while Cole and Jamie left to get supplies to build a three-man skateboard at three in the morning. We were actually lucky that we got to the rail so late and that the place was closed. We still got kicked out, but not until we claimed a very important 50-pointer down the thing.

Everyone regrouped and looked for wood and a three-stair around downtown. Jamie and Cole managed to buy a hammer and nails at a 24-hour Wal-Mart, along with a set of pads and a helmet for later. The plan was to simply lay three boards parallel to each other, then connect them with a couple pieces of wood as a tangent. We essentially made a flying wing. After finding a legit three-stair, the contestants all took turns until we got a clean ride-away worthy for video. We got it both long-lens and fisheye, and kept doing it until the thing shattered. There was talk of tiding off an eight-stair, but a couple ride-ups made everyone realize how stupid that would be. I mean, we're gnarly, but not that gnarly (try that with your friends some time). By now it was 6:00am and the sun was starting to come up. Exactly four hours after our arrival in Tulsa our city challenges were completed. On our way out of town we saw that the Real van hadn't budged. Amped on what we had just accomplished, everyone barged out of the van to take a team photo with the Real van, We couldn't help but feel triumphant.

TEAM ZERO TULSA, OK CHALLENGES

Skate the black 12-stair rail from Cardiel's "We Run Tings" Anti-Hero ad

Build a throe-man skateboard. With three men riding it, jump a three-stair

Skate a skate-proofed skatespot

DENVER & CARBONDALE

IT WAS A 10-HOUR DRIVE into Denver, and boy was it brutal. The favorite topic of conversation was wondering whom would be our Mystery Guest. Everyone was throwing out possibilities--Sean Sheffey, Knox Godoy, Andy Roy, Nate Sherwood, Lavar McBride, Bill Danforth. All this added to our anxiety, though it didn't shake our objective. Just outside Denver at a McDonald's parking lot, Cole and Allie finished off the manual page. In the brisk Denver morning, Cole, Jamie, and Matt went downtown to find an eight-stair while everyone else slept.

Yes[ Phelps calls to tell us our Mystery Guest is none other than '80s vert legend Jeff Grosso. Later that morning we picked up a bewildered Jeff. We were also the first to greet Girl's Mystery Guest stand-in, Peter, holding a sign that read, "Hi, my name is Jason Jessee." We couldn't help but laugh--nervously realizing that that could have been us. And whew, thank God it wasn't! Best of all, it was the Gift team that was bestowed this great misfortune. We couldn't help but smile with glee as we presented Peter to the anticipating Girl squad. I still can't decide who looked more bummed, Koston or Burnett.

After introductions we were off to the Denver park to open our City Challenge. On the way we stopped at the now famous bank-to-wall and nearly finished off the wallride page, while Jamie went gorilla grip over everyone. All the other teams were already at the Denver park when we arrived. Everyone had a pretty relaxing time skating and swapping stories, but we were careful not to give away too much info. It turned out that all the teams had the same list of City Challenges for Denver and Carbondale. Right before leaving we found a redhead's board that surprisingly hadn't been focused yet, so Jamie stepped up and handled it. Later it turned out you couldn't clearly see what was going on in the footage because there were too many lurkers in the way. So the next day we focused another ginger's board simply for the sake of the footy. And yes, it was just as funny the second time.

It began to rain, so we all left to find a rail to skate. The rain didn't bother Brockman much, at least not with his umbrella. We checked out a lot of spots around Denver but it was just too wet. It was now dark and still raining, so we decided to skate the indoor ESPN park just outside of town. A reluctant Jeff Grosso skated the indoor bowl and served up some good old-fashioned inverts. After popping out of the bowl after stretching out an eggplant, Jeff just shook his head in amazement.

"I can't believe this!" he said. "One month ago I was literally DOA at a hospital after an overdose, and now I'm in Denver skating a bowl with the Zero team! And Jamie Thomas is filming me!" Both of our prayers had been answered.

TEAM ZERO CARBONDALE CHALLENGES

Pick up Mystery Guest in Denver

Check in with Phelps at Carbondale Run event no later than 10am on Saturday the 21st Get a photo wearing Phelps' glasses Beat Mic-E arm wrestling 

Do an entire run with a plate of food in one hand and beverage in the other

Everyone roll in on the hack of the cradle

THE GORILLA GRIP BOARD

Before people figured out how to ollie there was the Gorilla Grip; gripping your board with your toes and simply leaping upwards. Well, it sounds that simple anyway. After one disappointing try with a modern-shaped board, Jamie had the genius idea to make a special board that would better suit this challenge. With a couple hacksaw slices and some sanding, our custom Gorilla Grip board was born. Utilizing the sleek cubic forms of a retro design, Jamie managed to loft an impressive vertical leap of at least a couple feet. For the remainder of the trip, we were careful not to let any of the other teams see our special prototype board. Although Chris Cole took the board home with him for further testing, there is still no word on whether or not the shape will be put into production in 2005.

AFTER THE CARBONDALE CONTEST we drove hack to Denver that same night to try and skate street. It was obvious at that point the tides were turning for the worse again. Everyone was dead-beat tired, but Brockman was a champ and served up some tricks that I don't think even he knew he had. Cole was absolutely fried from all his late nights and Tommy was still incapacitated from an earlier fall. I think it was also beginning to dawn on Jeff just what we were in for.

The next day we woke up to a full day of dreadful street skating. Cole was without rest and completely over it at this point. Somehow he managed to purge his last bit of energy into a front blunt shove before turning his heel into mush on a kickflip attempt down 16. Just as Cole was starting to crack, Tommy was obviously feeling better, because he back-lipped a gigantic 16 straight out of the van riding Cole's board. Nice to have you back, Gunz!

After an upper like a 16-stair back lip. we prepared for a big downer in the form of a long-ass drive to Salt Lake City, Utah. Even though it was on the way to our useless City Challenge in Boise, Idaho, Salt Lake City was a complete waste of time. But who knew? It rained mostly the entire time and Mormon aliens kicked us out of all the spots. The only good thing about SLC is Tully. And that's a fact!

Next up was the agonizing City Challenge detour through Boise, Idaho.

TEAM ZERO BOISE, IDAHO CHALLENGES

GERSHON TRIBUTE: skate the park under the bridge wearing a sweat suit and sweat bands until you sweat as much as Gershon

Go tubing on the Boise river, build a special tube set-up for your beer cooler

Skate the hubba ledge Josh Harmony crooked grinded in his Thrasher interview

IDAHO

TEN DAYS INTO a skateboard trip without drinking a single beer is straight up against the rules. Boise would be our savior, and Jeff Grosso was our sober sponsor prescribing the Natural Ice.

Overall, Boise was a bummer of a stop. It was hours off course to San Francisco and we heard through the grapevine that there ain't shit to skate. In tune with our jacked sleep schedule by this point of the trip, we arrived at 6:00am and woke up by mid-afternoon. We only had a few City Challenges, but we wanted to get this stuff done quickly and hit the road for the Strawberry pool in Lake Tahoe.

A quick trip to Wal-Mart supplied us with everything we needed to sweat as much as Gershon, and to make a modified beer cooler raft fit to sail the Boise River. On the way to Wal-Mart we happened to pass by the Harmony hubba, where we got a quick skate on.

The Gershon Tribute looked really rough for Jamie. Like ripping a tasty fart in the middle of a long drive, the Gershon Tribute was one of those things that seems funny at first--but give it a few minutes and it's pure torture. Jamie hated life after about an hour of trying to sweat through his puffy new Starter gear.

Just as Jamie's sweatsuit reached maximum saturation, everyone else (besides Grosso) tapped into a couple 24-packs of Natural Ice and Budweiser. Up until then, no one had time to drink at all, which was part of the challenge. We would be cheating if our beer cooler flotation device didn't have beer in it. But we don't run like that.

With most everyone tanked and soaked, the 10-hour nighttime drive to Lake Tahoe was unanimously the worst of the entire trip.

THE JEFF GROSSO INTERVIEW

I CAN'T BEGIN TO EXPLAIN how stoked everyone was on our Mystery Guest, Jeff Grosso. His presence throughout the second half of the journey gave our team a much-needed second wind. This guy is down-to-earth, funny as hell, and above all, he fucking rips! We couldn't have asked for anything more. His name is Jeff Grosso. He's 36 and rides for Red Kross skateboards.

For who and when did you turn pro?

I turned pro for Schmitt Stix in Mobile, Alabama. That was 1986. I just had my 18th birthday, dropped out of high school, did everything wrong.

Who have been your major sponsors over the years?

Variflex, Powell Peralta, Schmitt Stix, Santa Cruz, Lucero Limited, which would later become Black Label.

When would you say your prime years were as a pro?

My pro career went from 1986 to 1990. By 1990 it was all over. By 1989 I was pretty fucking inebriated. I had a bad cocaine problem, way too much booze. I wasn't really placing in contests too well anymore. I was plagued by injuries because I was partying way more than I was skating. But four years back then was a pretty damn good run.

How'd you get involved in KOTR?

Phelps called me out of the blue to interview me for that 540 article in Thrasher. I wrote the thing in Thrasher about the 540 and he called me back and was all jazzed on it. Then he called and asked, "Hey, you want to go on King of the Road?" And I didn't even hesitate to say yes.

So you knew what KOTR was?

Oh yeah. When the first KOTR issue came out I was in rehab. I hadn't read a skateboard mag in quite some time 'cause I was all messed up. Somebody gave me a Thrasher to read and that just happened to be it, the King of the Road issue. I was so jazzed on it 'cause it got me so pumped on skateboarding. Just the whole concept of King of the Road is pretty awesome. I was like "Man, what a cool idea, kudos to Thrasher ... Drehobl and the M16 board." So he asked me to do it and I didn't even hesitate. I was like, "Fuck yeah, I'm totally into it!" Then the whole thing sort of dawned on me, and I sort of have performance anxiety and I totally had a panic attack, just going nuts. I called up the guys at Black Label and I was like, "What should I do? I'm gonna suck."

"You gotta go," they said. "Thrasher calls and you gotta go. That's what you do." So I started trying to skate to get ready for it. And then I hurt myself. I seriously thought they were gonna try and make us old vert guys learn to kickflip down stairs. You know, make us do stuff we don't know how to do. The new guys would have to teach the old guys and vice versa. I couldn't do that. I'm just completely retarded when it comes to that sort of stuff. I never sat down and evolved like that.

It never really dawned on me, the whole backyard pool thing. I'm not really a backyard pool skater; I've never really claimed to be good at that kind of thing, but it was still better than trying to skate street. My head took it in a million different directions. I blew my back out and I was in bed for a couple of weeks. Then I had all that overdose stuff happened. Phelps called me back, and I was like, "Look I can't go. I'm bedridden."

He's like, "You're going whether you can skate or not." I skated two days for the first time in a month and a half before I got on the plane.

A week before, I saw an ad in Thrasher about Carbondale. I went on the Internet and saw a picture of the park and started freaking out, 'cause on the Internet it just looked big and scary and vert everything. Up until I got hurt I was only skating chest-high little mini-ramps and stuff. I hadn't skated vert much. I was a fat-and-out-of-shape pile. I was going nuts, like, "I'm gonna suck and they're all gonna hate me. Truckers are gonna beat me up in Carbondale. This is serious stuff!" Such anxiety. I called Lance Mountain and he sort of curbed my anxiety a little bit.

So you had no idea what team you'd be with?

No. I called Lance 'cause he was sort of in charge of getting all the old guys together and we had an idea. He said I'd probably get assigned to Real, which was cool, 'cause I sort of already knew a few of those guys. We figured Lance would be on Girl, I'd be on Real, Ben would end up on Zero, and Jason would go to Almost Or something. I'm actually pretty glad how it worked out. Not to slap Real, but since I don't drink and stuff and I saw they were just raging. So I'm glad I ended up going with you guys, because it would have been a Lot rougher just for me to be in a van full of ragers. I can't deal with that; I don't do well.

Did you recognize anybody else that was on Zero?

Nah. I heard about Chris Cole. I heard his name, but I'd never be able to pick him out of a crowd. He was one of the first guys to warm up to me.

What did you think when Jamie asked if you were up to skate the skatepark bowl that very first night after getting off the plane?

Super freaked out! Lance sort of gave me a heads up before I left about Jamie, 'cause we had never met before. I'm a fan. I've been reading skateboard magazines since I was real little. Once my whole ride was over and the '90s hit I turned back into a fan. I was at Carbondale listening to Jamie Thomas and Eric Koston talk about their affiliation with Tony Hawk Pro Skater, and I'm sitting there like, "Man, this is fucking cool!" You know? I'm sitting with Eric Koston and Jamie Thomas and they've got their companies and their shoes--and they're talking video games. I get to be a fan again, rye never had a character in a video game! So besides all that all I knew is that those Zero guys were gnarly. Lance was like, "He's super cool but he has a really gnarly work ethic. They'll be working to get their stuff done." He runs a real tight ship, which was totally awesome. I come from the whole beer background; that's the way my teams always were.

I saw the writing on the wall by the way we were driving around so maniacally. I thought the trip was gonna be a little different and I'd be able to skate more and be able to session places. But all that got set aside because there were so many rail tricks that still had to be done by the time I got there. But that in itself was a mindblower. I'd never seen anything like that in real life. Just the fact that they would eat giant meals, drive, then jump straight out of the car and go jump down something. It was like, "Fuck, why don't you guys just call it quits for the day? It's raining. Get a good night's sleep, regroup in the morning and get a fresh start on things." But as days went by Jamie's perseverance really added up.

How was this tour similar and different from tours you used to have back in the day?

We were on a time frame on King of the Road. When I got in the van I was in full sensory shock. I mean, the day before I was laying hardwood floors.

What did you think of the roll-in at Carbondale?

Oh man. I totally feared the roll-in, didn't want to do it from the beginning. I knew Jamie was all of a sudden going to go, "All right everybody, lets go. We got to beat everyone back to Denver." The fact that we did it in the rain was the dumbest thing. Like, let's wait until the most fucked moment of the day when it's pouring to break out the skateboards and drop into this thing. I kept eating shit on it. I'm a pad guy so I don't know how to fall real well. And it's not like I could have put pads on with that crowd. Lance got me all psyched out about it. I talked to him about it and he was like, "It's pretty rough." Once the crowd gathered around I'm up there and look down and just see Lance with a look of fear on his face, like, "Go this direction!" Great, thanks Lance.

Tommy made out with a 44-year-old. What's the gnarliest make-out story from your era?

You'd have to ask Dave Duncan, he was the gnarliest slut from my era. The Alva guys always did real well. My gnarliest make out story was probably fucking a chick in an elevator that eventually led up to more fucking in Leon Sphinx's apartment (former heavyweight champion of the world). The chick was living with the guy. How was your first trip to Wal-Mart?

That place is evil.

THE HOME STRETCH.

THE FINAL COUPLE DAYS were a blur. It was as if our team was a giant wind-up doll, running strong at the beginning of the trip but slowly unwinding with every inch we traveled. At this point we only hoped that we would cross the finish line before lurching to a complete stop.

It's pretty safe to say that after miraculously checking off all the backyard pool tricks at the Strawberry pool, no one had much fun. Of course there were a few highlights here and there, but overall everyone was fried. Nevertheless, our focus shifted from crossing off the final tricks on the list to trying to get the biggest amount of Highest, Longest, Most Challenges. We spent the last couple days zig-zagging the Sacto, San Jose, and San Francisco triangle with Whiteley, Kyle, Joe Brook, and Duffel leading the way. It was then that Jamie began the arduous task of compiling two weeks worth of footage into one edit tape fit for judging--which was done late at night, early in the morning, and on every van ride between spots for nearly three days.

With very few soldiers fit for battle, the only guy who had anything left was Tommy "Gunz" Sandoval and Matt Winterberg, Zero's filmer. One way or another Tommy would cash in on Jamie's earlier challenge of $500 bucks to anyone who took five of the Highest, Longest, Mosts. Gunz handled the serious stuff while Matt took care of some of the kookier challenges.

I'm gonna go out on a limb now and say that Matt Winterberg shocked the entire skateboarding community when he landed a blindfolded fingerflip to boardslide down the 11-stair rail in Novato. Wait. Didn't someone do that already on that rail? I don't think so, bitch!

The closing moments of King of the Road literally came down to minutes. With the KOTR deadline less than an hour away, Tommy was rolling away from the biggest fakie ollie across town at Lincoln in San Francisco. Then it was a mad race for Hubba Hideout as Jamie was in the passenger seat juggling phone directions from Joe Brook while making the final tape edits. We finally made it with seven minutes to spare. And just like that, KOTR was all over. There was nothing more we could do.

The next morning we were told that we took the King of the Road title. Everyone had a strange mix of excitement, relief, and not knowing what the hell to do with themselves now that we didn't have a list to run our lives. Hopefully we'll figure that out before doing this all over again next year. Can't wait.

THE CLOSER

Tommy Sandoval, aka "Die Trying" and "Tommy Gunz." seemed to save his best for last. When no one else had the energy or health to carry the torch, he came through with nine categories of the Highest. Longest, Most.