Excuses for still not having a mini-ramp in my backyard.

I MOVED INTO A NEW HOUSE about 10 months ago and I told all my friends that the first thing I was going to do was to build a mini-ramp in the backyard. Oh man, I went on and on about it. About how sick it was going to be and about all the tricks I was going to learn on it. I really talked that shit up. And here it is almost a year later and I haven't even gotten as far as buying a bag of nails. But every time I run into one of my friends it's always the same question. "Hey Sieben, how's your ramp coming along?" Here's how I've been handling that shit lately:

"ADAM HASN'T BUILT MY RAMP YET." When I was first talking about building my ramp, my friend Adam Young said that he would help. And he totally knows how to build ramps and I don't. So I guess I figured at some point he'd just come over and build a ramp for me. This is probably the lamest excuse I have and I don't really like using it because it makes me feel like a total man woman.

I HAVE THIS OTHER EXCUSE where I sort of ramble on and on about how much it's going to cost to put a top layer on it that can endure the Texas weather. This excuse usually just elicits a blank stares followed by, "You're never going to build a ramp, are you Sieben?" from whomever I'm talking to.

SOMETIMES I JUST SAY that the ramp actually is done but that I'm not letting anybody skate it until after the Todd Falcon demo at the opening ceremony which coincides with the opening ceremony of the Olympic Winter Games in February of 2006.

Actually I've never really said that shit. But I guess this article would probably be funnier if I just made stuff up instead of typing what I really say. Because in actuality, my life is just as boring as yours. I just make up crap to sound like I'm more interesting than a normal dude.

YEAH, SO SOMETIMES when my friends ask me if my ramp is done, I just say, "What? A ramp, dude? Are you serious? Dude, I totally quit skateboarding to get serious about my Dungeons and Dragons career. I'm a fucking level 12 dwarf thief now, dude. Get over it."

OR LIKE, I say, "Shit dude, why would I build a ramp when they just built that new park in Shanghai? I'm just going to start skating there, man. Because like, it's really big. Have you heard about how big it is? Because dude, it's big. I mean, have you seen the photos?" I'd probably go on like this for about four or five minutes. Because you know, like, how big it is. Seriously. It's big.

I COULD ALSO be all like, "Huh? Oh my ramp? Yeah, I'm gonna get it going pretty soon. It's just that this whole K-Fed and Britney Spears thing has really got my attention right now. I mean, the bitch looks like she should be working behind the counter of a Dairy Queen these days. You know?" And then my friends would probably look at me and just kind of shake their heads in disappointment and walk away. Forever.

OR SHIT, I could be all like, "Dude, mini-ramp? Are you serious? That was so last week. I'm saving up now to build a six-flat-seven double set. You know I'm filming for my video part now, right? I mean, you saw my sports coat, right?"

OR I COULD BE LIKE, "Oh, you didn't hear? I'm a snowboarder now. Yeah, totally into snowboarding. I mean, I still have to work out all the details with my parents setting up a trust fund and all that. But besides that I'm totally a snowboarder."

Aw man, I'm sorry. There's probably some snowboarders who are reading this, huh? Shit dudes. I'm sorry. It's just that since nobody rollerblades anymore it's hard to find dudes to be mean to. Nothing wrong with some fresh tracks in the sick pow pow I suppose. Wait, do y'all still have to wear those diaper pants?

MAN, I GUESS this article is probably long enough now. Maybe I should add one more excuse though just to be safe. OK, like when my friends ask me how my ramp is coming along I totally say, "Ramp? No, I said I was gonna build a mini-ranch. Like for Shetland ponies and shit." Man, that excuse sucked. I should have quit while I was ahead.