Excuses for not going skating.

NOT GOING SKATEBOARDING? Why would you not want to go skateboarding? Shit, I don't know ... Maybe you're too hung over, maybe your lower back hurts from sitting at a desk all day, maybe you'd just rather sit on the couch and drink tall boys and watch reruns of Dynasty. All I know is sometimes you don't feel like skateboarding. Which is fine. But you know when your friends call and ask if you're "in," you better have a good excuse why you're not rolling. Otherwise the synonyms for women's genitalia are gonna start flying. So what do you tell your boys without losing their respect? Shit, I don't know. But for fuck's sake, don't use any of these excuses:

1. TELL YOUR FRIENDS you can't go skateboarding because you have to go to Pottery Barn because they are having a "ridiculous" sale. Remind them about that duvet cover you've had your eyes on.

2. OR TELL THEM that you can't go because you have an appointment with your stylist and how she'll go completely freaking mental if you cancel. Mention what a "Diva" she can be sometimes.

3. YOU COULD ALSO tell your friends that there's just no way you can go skateboarding with them because you are just waaaaaay tooooooo sore from your Pilates class.

4. OR SAY SOME shit like, "There's no way in hell you'll find me on that board today. My complexion has gone all ruddy and this humidity is playing murder with my hair. Boyfriends, you're on your own."

5. TELL THEM SKATEBOARDING sounds good, but there's an all day marathon of Sex and the City on HBO. Be sure to fit the phrase "sassy little bitches" somewhere into that excuse.

6. SAY ANYTHING about "not wasting 150 dollars on a pedicure."

7. TELL YOUR HOMIES, "I'd love to go ride with you guys, but I really need to go buy some new scented candles for my rumpus room." An in-depth explanation of the soothing powers of Lavender is definitely in order here.

8. EXPLAIN HOW there's just no way you can ride because your fedora and sport coat aren't ready to be picked up from the dry cleaners until Wednesday.

9. OR ASK WHERE your friends are planning on skating and no matter what they say, respond with, "Oh, sorry, I only ride Skate Plazas these days. Everything else is so Nasty Nancy." If your friends really are skating a Skate Plaza just tell them you can't go because your hormones are "all freaking out."

10. IF YOU FUCKED UP and told your friends that you wanted to go skateboarding when you really didn't and they're coming to your house to pick you up, just apply a facial mud mask and answer the door wearing it. Tell your friends that all you need is "two short hours before you're exquisitely exfoliated."