Etiquette on the board: learn why Miss Manners says rules are meant to be enforced not broken.

SYNDICATED COLUMNIST AND AUTHOR JUDITH Martin, better known as Miss Manners, has offered advice on etiquette for more than two decades. She's not surprised that concerns about business etiquette are on the rise in an environment that she describes as "hands-off and driven by spontaneity." When you step into the boardroom, one of your first tasks may be assisting the board chair in counteracting these practices in defense of order and productivity. Martin shared her insights with ASSOCIATION MANAGEMENT on effectively managing board meetings.

ASSOCIATION MANAGEMENT: What's the best way to address bad board behavior?

Miss Manners: First of all, you should worry about really good behavior from a board. It means no one's paying attention. But, of course, you can't condone bad behavior.

ASSOCIATION MANAGEMENT: What is the responsibility of the board's leaders in addressing etiquette?

Miss Manners: Most boards are made up of your typical mix of people:

* those who do all the work;

* those who do no work but always have an opinion;

* those who say it can't be done because there's no precedent; and

* those who say it can't be done because we'll get sued.

This is a naturally contentious mix, and things can get nasty. You need a firm hand at the helm. The key to managing board meetings is allowing people to talk, but putting limits on time and relevance. Someone has to--politely and firmly--be in charge.

ASSOCIATION MANAGEMENT: Why are organizations sometimes reluctant to address etiquette issues?

Miss Manners: People are reluctant to be in charge. Whether it's the host who does not require guests to RSVP, the parents who allow their children to misbehave in public, or the chairman who fails to maintain order, as a society we've given in to a hands-off policy that allows people to abdicate responsibility. This approach doesn't work.

ASSOCIATION MANAGEMENT: So the problem won't go away if you ignore it?

Miss Manners: Despite our discomfort at criticizing others, someone has to take responsibility for enforcing the rules. Guests want to know what to expect. Children appreciate limits. Staff want to know what's approved and what's not.

People work so closely together that seemingly trivial things become important. If there are problems with inappropriate behavior, you have to do something about it. You want to maintain order and standards so that this behavior is not disruptive to getting business done.

ASSOCIATION MANAGEMENT: Why is etiquette important?

Miss Manners: Without etiquette, different points of view don't get heard, and differences won't be resolved. Etiquette enables people to air their differences in a respectful way without arguing. You have to hear various alternatives before you can make a wise choice.

Unfortunately, people are operating in a no-rules environment where there's an emphasis on being spontaneous about expressing your opinions. We have to learn to express our ideas in an orderly fashion about the issue at hand, and certainly not about other people.

Apryl Motley is senior editor of ASSOCIATION MANAGEMENT. E-mail: [e-mail].