Erase those holiday blues: helpful hints for holiday happiness.

Kristin, a 36-year-old teacher and mother of two school-aged boys, is a devoted homemaker, a dedicated employee, and active in her church. Yet two weeks before Christmas, she became so distraught with feelings of emptiness and depression that she visited a psychologist for the first time in her life. "1 don't know what's wrong with me," she cried. "I've tried so hard to plan the perfect Christmas for my family and students. I've baked eight different kinds of cookies just like my mom used to do, and decorated three trees, Nobody even notices all my hard work."

Holidays are portrayed in the media as the most wonderful time of the year. The truth is, "the most wonderful time of the year" often intensifies underlying feelings of inadequacy, unresolved interpersonal conflicts, and financial crises. The result, even for people, such as Kristin, with the purest of motives, can be heightened sensitivity, depression, and emotional outbursts.

If you are significantly depressed or have thoughts of suicide, contact a mental health professional as soon as possible. But if your depression is a transient, milder form of the blues, here are some tips to help you through the holidays.

1. Put memories to work for you. At holiday time, seasonal sights, sounds, and smells evoke a lifetime of memories, both pleasant and not so pleasant. During the holidays, people tend to focus on only the happy memories. Then they discover that the present holiday can't compete with their edited past. One way to avoid this is to make a list, before the height of the season, of both negative and positive memories. When you review the list during the hustle and bustle of the season, you'll gain a new, more balanced perspective on past holidays.

2. Look inward rather than to others for seasonal joys. People who look to others for affirmation set themselves up to be martyrs. During the holidays, our perceptions make our reality. It is important to recognize that life is 10 percent what happens to us and 90 percent how we respond to it.

3. Focus on blessings, not burdens. Instead of composing a "things to do" holiday list, make a "things to be thankful for" list. Post it on the refrigerator to encourage family involvement.

4. Approach the season like a child, giving yourself permission for spontaneity and wonder. Do something you enjoyed as a child, such as ice skating. Or take time out for a special pleasure you've been putting off. Even if you have 100 things to do, you'll likely emerge refreshed.

5. Take the dollars out of gift giving. Give a gift that is, as Emerson advised, a portion of yourself. Consider gifts without a price tag--gifts of encouragement, time, or instruction. When you live to give, you're less likely to be disappointed if you don't receive.

6. Put first things first. Pray about what really matters to you and prioritize your holiday activities accordingly. Sometimes when you work harder, you actually accomplish less. But when you focus on the details of events most important to you, you'll feel less depleted and more satisfied with performing selected activities well.

7. Keep your expectations realistic. lf you've recently experienced a significant loss, are physically ill, or are under considerable financial stress, don't expect Christmas to be the same as in years gone by. Yet recognize your new potential for growth in difficult times. Plan for simple tasks of the holidays to be special, despite adversity. For instance, each day write a note to someone who has been a joy during the past year. Feelings often follow actions; when you express gratitude, you'll feel grateful.

8. Remember that being alone and being lonely are not the same thing. You don't have to fit into the "traditional" family mold to enjoy the holidays.

9. Participate in healthy behaviors. The lack of rest, erratic eating patterns, and harried schedules add stress. Allow yourself sufficient rest, a well-balanced diet, moderate physical exercise, and solitude. And each day, to prevent burnout, take time to participate in at least one activity that makes you feel good about yourself.

10. Resolve, as Dickens said, to "honor Christmas in your heart and try to keep it all the year." Designer Alexandra Stoddard observes that "many people have a tendency to save up 95 percent of their money and effort to spend on 5 percent of their lives-- festive occasions such as birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays, and the special, more public places in the home." Instead, she says, "the way to live a beautiful life is to make the daily 95 percent of your life wonderful" (Living a Beautiful Life, Alexandra Stoddard [New York: Avon Books, 1986]).

Roberta L. Messner, RN.C., Ph.D., C.P.Q.A., is quality management nursing coordinator at the Veterans Administration Medical Center in Huntington, West Virginia. William A McDowell, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist and professor at Marshall University in Huntington, West Virginia.