EX-QBS OFTEN SACKED BY CRITICS.

Troy Aikman ought to have his head examined, letting someone talk him into a new career in TV broadcasting. Steve Young, too.

First, there's been no medical evidence that proves post-concussion syndrome has a cause-and-effect relationship with a successful run in pregame-discussion symposium. Stem-cell research is around the corner.

But there's even more scrambled logic here. Don't these two realize this is a business that puts the publicity rush on to sign the hottest pre-owned NFL quarterback, only to leave their backside unprotected when the critics come on the blitz?

Even with replacement refs, the field would have been safer for Aikman and Young this weekend. They'd end up hearing fewer voices in their heads than Anne Heche does.

Calling an audible doesn't always work in TV for those who leave a future Hall of Fame center for the Center of Performing Arts. The camera's red light when Joe Montana took a seat on the NBC turned out to be his kryptonite. Boomer Esiason was left exposed on ``Monday Night Football,'' and only through radio did he regain any of the public's confidence. Jim Kelly is the most recent play caller-turned-road kill.

Going back a few years now, Bart Starr, Johnny Unitas and Sonny Jurgensen were kept alive on life support by TV and quickly tripped over their three-step drops - thankfully, before their hero-worship factor faded.

You can count Phil Simms, Joe Theismann, Terry Bradshaw (who was no Madden at the start before he found a studio home) and HBO's newest star, Dan Marino, among the lucky ones. But it's no wonder John Elway ran and hid when ABC sniffed around and showed interest.

Aikman, who left the NFL behind at 34 after a few too many shots to the head, works for Fox now. He's teamed with former teammate Daryl ``Moose'' Johnston and Dick Stockton on the No. 2 team that debuts Sunday with the Chicago-Baltimore telecast. Young, who left his memory in San Francisco after some shots to the grill, begins fulltime on ESPN's Sunday- morning pregame crew.

Esiason, who resurfaces as a TV talker on Fox Sports Net's ``NFL This Morning'' zoo crew, had a chance to confer with Aikman recently about what goes on in this bizarro biz.

``Sure, I've been through a lot, and I've told him that it'll be a lot like playing quarterback - you learn as you go,'' Esiason said. ``It's definitely a different medium and very subjective. There will be critics. But Troy is a big boy and has lots of opinions.''

Aikman's opinion, for now, is that based on a few games he did for Fox during the NFL Europe season, plus a few this exhibition season, he won't blink too much in the new spotlight.

``I'm very fortunate to have someone like Boomer to ask advice, and I've got a lot of friends in this business, like Phil Simms (one of the few who have succeeded),'' Aikman said. ``The one thing Boomer has said, in football, you know whether you did a good job immediately. As a broadcaster, a lot of subjectiveness goes with it. That'll take getting used to.

``A lot of guys have given this a shot, and all I can say is I'm going to work as hard on this as I did as a player and I believe the rest will take care of itself.''

Young concedes that TV work can be chicken soup for the concussion- plagued QB who continues to feel he can get in the huddle.

``If you're not going to play, this is a great way, and a great group of guys to talk football and feel you're part of the action,'' said Young, who turns 40 next month.

``Yes, I miss football. I wish I could play until I'm 60. It's like a surgeon saying, 'You're 38, you gotta go.' It's my expertise and now I've lost my expertise, but I can gain part of it back with the show.''

Just make sure you find guys who can block this time.

Fox's addition of Aikman and ESPN's hiring of Young are just a few of the interesting roster tweaks for the network NFL coverage that begins in earnest Sunday. A brief rundown for those who need a special alphabetized chart:

ABC

Years doing the NFL: 32

Key changes: A new ``Monday Night'' producer, Fred Gaudelli, moves over after 10 years at ESPN because Don Ohlmeyer came back for one year, shook everything up, got some buzz going, then left.

Key note: Eric Dickerson remains employed holding a microphone and, worse, speaking into it.

Key quote: ``What I tell people (who don't understand Dennis Miller) is don't worry about the ones you don't get, enjoy the ones you do, and remember, there's a ballgame going on,'' said Miller's booth partner, Dan Fouts, who hopes to speak more this season.

CBS 

Years doing the NFL: 42

Key changes: The crowded studio show subtracts the intelligent Craig James from the equation (sending him to analyze games with Kevin Harlan). That leaves Mike Ditka, Jerry Glanville and Randy Cross to argue among themselves.

Key note: The studio show stays outside but in a better location. It was practically in a back alley near Fifth Avenue in downtown Manhattan because the Trump Tower was being renovated. Now that the renovation is complete, the stage moves to the plaza at Fifth Avenue and 59th Street and fans are seated like a studio audience, rather than standing behind and waving to the cameras.

Key quote: ``In an hour show, there just isn't enough time for four analysts,'' CBS executive producer Terry Ewert said. ``By the time the fourth guy talked, we forgot the question sometimes.''

ESPN

Years doing the NFL: 15

Key changes: The league hasn't decided whether or not ESPN's Sunday-night game coverage can include the XFL-introduced ``SkyCam,'' that remote-control camera that hangs over the field on cables during live action. The network experimented with it in the exhibition season. Suzy Kolber goes to the sidelines to replace Solomon Wilcots (a defection to CBS) on the Sunday-night telecast, which also has a new producer (Jay Rothman) and director (Chip Dean).

Key note: Chris Berman starts his 16th season as the morning ``Sunday NFL Countdown'' pregame show host, which is one year longer than Brent Musburger's sojourn at CBS from '75 to '89.

Key quote: ``It's a tremendous tool and I hope we can use it, because I thought it offered a perspective unlike anything anyone else is doing,'' game analyst Joe Theismann said of ``SkyCam.''

Fox

Years doing the NFL: Eight

Key changes: On the ``Fox Box'' strip across the top of the screen, an instant-score graphic with a sound effect will inform viewers of the latest changes from games around the league.

Key note: Back in '99, Pat Summerall told the network he wanted to retire after the 2001 season, when his contract runs out. Now he's not sure. There's been crazy rumors that even if the 71-year-old sticks around after Fox's coverage of this season's Super Bowl, he could be paired with someone other than John Madden, his partner going back to 1981 at CBS. Maybe Joe Buck could be Madden's new No. 1-team partner.

Key quote: ``It makes the most sense to get through this season, see how Pat is feeling, then discuss things then,'' Fox executive producer Ed Goren said. ``We just want Pat's career to end on a high note. I just want him to be happy.''

SOUND BITES

WHAT SMOKES

--The Dodgers' Web site received more than 400 get-well e-mails for team broadcaster Ross Porter, who had hoped to be released Thursday night from the hospital after surgery to repair a nasal passage. A link on the site (www.dodger2001.com/guestbook/porter.htm) will stay up to take more fan interaction.

--What does a Dave Smith and Arnie Spanier pairing do for you? AM-1150 will try it on for size, starting Monday in the 3-7 p.m. drive-time slot. Smith's former afternoon partner, Tomm Looney, returns to morning news updates, replacing Steve Carbone, who recently replaced Ben Maller.

--A re-launch today of ESPNEWS might not seem like much to those who don't have it - it's in 23 million homes, compared to 40 million for ESPN Classic, 80 million for ESPN2 and 84.7 million for ESPN - but it's significant because of how it could lead to adjustments made on the other channels if these ideas snowball. After five years of settling in as the company's 24-hour all-sports news channel, they've decided to keep the bottom-line news update ticker on during commercial breaks, add more analysis and try to tie in the Web site more. The screen might also get a bit more cluttered, but if it's info you want, the buffet line begins here.

WHAT CHOKES

--Who wants to be an airhead interviewer? As if he needs more exposure, Regis Philbin, Notre Dame's self-proclaimed No. 1 fan, has been allowed to do a sit-down interview with Irish coach Bob Davie that will air during halftime of Saturday's ABC North Carolina-Texas game telecast. ABC later covers the Notre Dame-Nebraska game from Lincoln, Neb., somehow without Philbin in the booth.

--Gotta wait until this morning to hear the announcement on ``Good Day L.A.'' (7-9 a.m.) as to which NFL game Fox Channel 11 will carry this weekend. Each Thursday night at midnight, the phone and Internet poll (www.fox11la.com) shuts off. The choices for week one were Chicago- Baltimore, Carolina-Minnesota and Tampa Bay-Dallas.

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