EVERY CONCEIVABLE OPTION AFTER LONG BATTLES WITH INFERTILITY, TWO FAMILIES FOUND ALTERNATE WAYS TO REALIZE THEIR DREAMS.

Byline: Evan Henerson Staff Writer

AS THE 20th CENTURY drew to a close, the Luckinbill/Fitzmaurice household took on a motto: ``Procreate in '98''

Lisa Fitzmaurice and her husband, David Luckinbill, had been married a year, and they wanted children - two, if possible. Fitzmaurice, a vice president of sales for a large health-care company, was 37, but despite common wisdom that a woman's chances of having a baby decrease as she moves toward 40, all indications were good for conception.

``I had the hormones of a 20-year-old,'' says Fitzmaurice of Santa Monica. ``I was thin, I had never smoked. There was no reason for me not to get pregnant.''

No reason, except inexplicable fate. ``The biggest problem there, of course, was age,'' said Dr. Alan DeCherney, Fitzmaurice's doctor and a professor of obstetrics and gynecology at UCLA. Fitzmaurice and Luckinbill tried to conceive for six months before beginning fertility treatment. Six cycles of artificial insemination were followed by two in-vitro fertilization (IVF) procedures. Fitzmaurice produced a small number of eggs, making her already-slim 17 percent chance of conceiving a child with IVF even lower.

The hormones got Fitzmaurice so wacked out that Luckinbill eventually confessed: ``I want my wife back.'' The IVF required Fitzmaurice to spend time in the hospital. Given recent studies that suggest hormone therapy can increase a woman's risk for breast cancer and heart disease, Fitzmaurice now wishes she hadn't taken so many.

The couple's insurance paid for artificial insemination, but not for the IVFs, which can cost up to $10,000 per cycle. The finances of their fertility efforts were manageable, but each failed attempt produced a fresh disappointment.

``My doctor said, 'It's almost as bad as having cancer,' '' said Fitzmaurice. ``Every month I would get my period, it was like a death again, living with the ups and downs, the hopes and the sorrows.''

``It's a tremendous roller coaster for a couple, and of course the hormones don't help,'' said DeCherney. ``Usually it's young people who are used to getting what they want. This is the first time in their lives when they perceive that their destiny is out of their control.''

By the end of the eighth unsuccessful procedure, Fitzmaurice looked at her husband and declared that she had had enough. Luckinbill agreed. The family switched its motto from ``Procreate in '98'' to ``Adoption is an option.''

The last fertility cycle ended in February 2001 and the couple decided to take the summer off. Fitzmaurice and Luckinbill started the adoption process in October. Less than three months later, their son, Ethan, was born in Las Vegas. Mom and dad met their son when he was 4 days old and brought him home less than a week later.

``We were just so relieved,'' said Fitzmaurice. ``Working through the thought process of adoption, we realized what a great thing it is for a baby. Ethan is going to have a wonderful life compared to what he had.

``If I hadn't gone through (infertility treatment), I would not have been able to outright adopt,'' she added. ``I had a preconceived notion that it had to be our biological baby.

``We're very blessed. He doesn't really look like me, but he kind of does.''

Sibling substitute

The most difficult part of Lori Cangemi's road to motherhood was seeing her sister, Renae Kerner, experiencing labor pains.

``I wanted that pain so badly,'' says Cangemi, 40, of Agua Dulce. ``I didn't want her to feel any pain. She just smiled through the whole thing. After the second baby came out, she was laying there all groggy. She looked at me and said, 'We did it.' ''

Indeed, this was very much a family affair.

When doctors determined that Cangemi could not carry a child to term, Kerner - Cangemi's younger sister - offered to serve as a surrogate. After more than seven years of trying to start a family, Cangemi and her husband, Danny - a special-effects coordinator - became parents to twins Colton and Cassidy in December 1999.

Kerner, an officer with the Glendale Police Department, had two teenage children and was recently divorced. ``She lives close to me and we've always been really close,'' says Cangemi. ``It was convenient for her.''

Doctors had determined that endometriosis - the growth of tissue outside the uterus preventing an embryo from implanting - had kept Cangemi from carrying a child to term. However, her eggs were healthy, as was her husband's sperm (``good swimmers,'' says Cangemi.) ``I could make great embryos, and my sister offered to carry our children. We got really lucky and it turned out perfect.''

``She had looked at her previous options not working for her and went into surrogacy understanding this was her best and most realistic chance,'' added Dr. Gary D. Hubert, co-director of Fertility and Surgical Associates of California in Thousand Oaks and Encino. ``Having her sister made it a lot easier.''

And cheaper. While hiring a surrogate can cost as much as $50,000, the Cangemis' and Kerner's insurance covered the costs of the pregnancy. Cangemi provided some financial assistance to compensate items like lost overtime income.

``I just did things to help out along the way, things I would have done anyway,'' says Cangemi. ``She needed a new washing machine, so I bought her one. Things like that.''

Over seven years of trying to conceive, Cangemi began with the simpler, less costly treatments before moving into medication and surgery. Before going with a surrogate, the Cangemis tried cycles of artificial insemination and IVF. A surgical procedure to correct the endometriosis did not help.

``With in vitro, it seems like the time goes by so quickly,'' said Cangemi, ``but every year, you're getting older and your eggs are getting older.

``Every doctor tells you something different,'' she continued. ``I found a wonderful doctor (Hubert) who said, 'We can try one more time, and keep a really close eye on things, but I don't think it's going to work.' I could always tell he was telling me the truth.''

Cangemi still encounters myths and ignorance about surrogate birth. No, she was never concerned her sister would want to raise Cassidy and Colton after the delivery. Yes, the twins are the Cangemis' biological children even though Kerner delivered them.

``There are still some people who refuse to believe this can actually happen,'' she said, ``that you can use someone else's embryo, put it in a different person and it can grow. Some people believe these are my sisters' kids. It's silly.''

She doesn't anticipate any problems explaining it all to her children when they are old enough to understand.

``I'll be very straightforward,'' says Cangemi. ``We'll talk about how babies come out of the tummy, but maybe say something like my tummy was broken, so we put them in Aunt Renae. To me, the truth will always be the best thing.''

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8 photos

Photo:

(1 -- 3 -- cover -- color) ON THE COVER: From top: David Luckinbill and wife Lisa Fitzmaurice; twins Colton and Cassidy Cangemi, children of Danny and Lori Cangemi; Fitzmaurice with son Ethan. (4 -- cover -- color) dreams fulfilled

Two couples' difficult journeys to parenthood

(5) Lisa Fitzmaurice and David Luckinbill adopted their baby, Ethan, after years of failed fertility treatments.

(6) Luckinbill feeds a curious Ethan as Fitzmaurice looks on. ``We're very blessed,'' she says.

(7) Danny and Lori Cangemi found a surrogate - Lori's sister - to carry twins Colton, center left, and Cassidy.

(8) Lori Cangemi says her twins will know all about their unconventional birth when the time comes.

Charlotte Schmid-Maybach/Staff Photographer