EVEN JOHN IRVING'S TOUCH CAN'T QUITE MAKE `CIDER HOUSE' RULE.

Byline: Glenn Whipp Film Critic

Saying that ``The Cider House Rules'' is the best John Irving adaptation to ever hit the screen is a little like saying that lethal injection is our most wonderful form of capital punishment. With Irving movies, what are the alternatives? The bittersweet and brainless ``The World According to Garp''? The witless ``Hotel New Hampshire''? The sappy ``Simon Birch''?

Clearly, Irving has not been well-served by cinema, which could be why he decided to write the screenplay for ``Cider House'' himself. And while the movie is a decided improvement over the recent six-hour stage version, ``Cider'' remains a pretty thin coming-of-age tale that frames its moral concerns in ways that are a little too obvious. It's a decent film that's hampered by its own illusions of grandeur.

``Cider House'' follows the story of Homer Wells (Tobey Maguire), a young man who grows up in the sheltering atmosphere of the St. Cloud's Orphanage in Maine. Homer is the favorite of the orphanage's director, Dr. Wilbur Larch (Michael Caine), but as he grows older, he begins to feel confined. He also doesn't approve of Dr. Larch's side business - performing abortions.

When Candy Kendall (Charlize Theron) and Wally Worthington (Paul Rudd) pay a visit to the good doctor, Homer decides to adopt them and liberate himself from St. Cloud's. Homer sees the ocean for the first time, picks apples with a group of itinerants and falls in love with Candy after Wally leaves for Air Force duty in World War II. He gradually forgets St. Cloud's, but Dr. Larch can't shake the memory of Homer (although he tries, using generous doses of ether).

It's all pleasant enough, with the low-key Maguire turning in another fine performance, albeit one that is growing somewhat familiar. The story's conflict comes when Homer is confronted with a situation that tests his long-held views on abortion. If there's little question about Homer's choice, it's because Irving has so completely stacked the deck in his story, producing a situation that would probably make Pat Robertson jettison his beliefs.

Thus, instead of delivering a truly provocative film, Irving's ``Cider House'' stands as a pretty slight tale of moral relativism. Swedish director Lasse Hallstrom displays an eye for wintry landscapes, which is appropriate, given the film's cold and somewhat distant tone. Nobody, save Caine, makes much of an impression, and his screen time is too scant to truly make you care about his complex character.

Miramax, the film's distributor, will undoubtedly spend millions of dollars selling ``Cider,'' as this is the Oscar-hungry studio's only real chance for academy gold. If they somehow manage some nominations for this modest movie, it will be time for other studios to wave the white flag and rename the Oscars in Harvey Weinstein's honor.

The facts

The film: ``The Cider House Rules'' (PG-13; mature thematic elements, sexuality, nudity, substance abuse and some violence).

The stars: Tobey Maguire, Charlize Theron, Michael Caine.

Behind the scenes: Directed by Lasse Hallstrom. Screenplay by John Irving, based upon his novel. Released by Miramax Films.

Running time: Two hours, five minutes.

Playing: AMC Century 14 in Century City; Laemmle's Sunset 5 Theatres in West Hollywood; Laemmle's Monica in Santa Monica.

Our rating: Two and one half stars.

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Photo

Photo: Homer (Tobey Maguire) and Candy (Charlize Theron) fall in love in ``The Cider House Rules,'' for which John Irving wrote the screenplay.