EMPTY-HEADED 'BRATZ' ALL DOLLED UP WITH NO PLACE TO GO.

Byline: EVAN HENERSON

>LA.COM

At least they don't have the girls dolled up as the next freshman class at Lap Dancing Tech.

This is not, I grant, the most glistening of silver linings for an experience as mind-numbing as the movie "Bratz." But if you're not looking at wardrobe for characters whose doll-like inspiration boast "a passion for fashion," then what the heck else in this cinematic pile of piffle are you supposed to be looking at?

Not the people wearing the threads, certainly. Our squeaky-clean teen heroines -- cheerleader, jock, fashion plate/brain and musician -- are insipid without a whiff of edge. That they'll do the right thing and stand up for each other in the midst of school peer pressure is never for a second in doubt.

Not the secondary players. The witchy student body president looking to separate the Bratz is a Paris parody (where does she get the money, anyway?) who gets dumped into the swimming pool of her own sweet 16 party by an elephant. And what the heck is Jon Voight doing playing a doofus high school principal (and father to aforementioned villainess) who has to stare balefully at his own defaced bust?

In the story's climax, written by Susan Estelle Jansen from a story by Adam De La Pena and David Eilenberg, vindication -- and a scholarship -- comes via that new teen movie staple, the school talent show.

Yep, the makers of "Bratz" appear to have pirated Disney's "High School Musical," an experience which, laid side by side with "Bratz," comes off looking like "Gone With the Wind."

evan henerson, [phone]

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BRATZ - One and one half stars

>PG: thematic elements.

>Starring: Nathalia Ramos, Janel Parrish, Logan Browning, Skyler Shaye, Chelsea Staub, Lainie Kazan, Jon Voight.

>Director: Sean McNamara.

>Running time: 1 hr. 50 min.

>Playing: Area wide.

>In a nutshell: It stinkz.

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Photo:

Friends forever are Nathalia Ramos, left, Logan Browning, Skyler Shaye and Janel Parrish in "Bratz."