EDDIE MURPHY'S A WHOLE LOTTA WOMAN IN 'NORBIT'.

Byline: Nathaniel Bell

Correspondent

In the nerve-shredding "Norbit," Eddie Murphy yields to that peculiar tendency among comics to dress up like a fat lady. The last time he slipped into such a drastic disguise was "The Nutty Professor," where he played an entire family -- mama, papa, granny and grandpa. That was a comic tour de force; "Norbit" smells faintly of desperation.

The title hero (played by Murphy as a fragile, luckless nerd) is an orphan who gets bullied into marrying the mountainous Rasputia (also Murphy, scarily convincing under mounds of prosthetic flesh), who proceeds to dominate him body and soul.

Life thereafter resembles a series of mental and physical humiliations until his childhood sweetheart (Thandie Newton, aptly cast as a model of feminine beauty) shows up with plans to buy the local orphanage. Norbit's innocent love for her allows him to stand up to Rasputia's scheming brothers, who aim to turn the orphanage into a strip joint.

Though Murphy plays three characters in all (he's also a Chinese restaurateur), it is Rasputia who monopolizes attention whenever she's on screen. With her assortment of fluctuating hairdos and breasts so large as to be indistinguishable from the rest of her body, she's one of recent cinema's most memorable grotesques. In the film's only successful set piece, she demonstrates why there's a weight limit to ride the super slides at Raging Waters.

If "Norbit" had simply been a movie about two physically incompatible lovebirds locked in holy matrimony, it might have proved endurable, even sweet. (Imagine a movie consisting solely of the romantic exchanges between Miss Piggy and Kermit in the Muppet movies.)

But Murphy, who conceived the story with his brother Charles, insists on turning Rasputia into the Queen of the Harpies, evil incarnate, the devil in a muumuu. Unfaithful but also insanely jealous, she cheats on Norbit with a dance instructor (Marlon Wayans), flattens the neighbor's dog, and finds creative ways of making her husband's life a living hell. At least Miss Piggy, who shares Rasputia's pretensions to glamour, was genuinely in love with her reluctant sweetheart.

"Norbit" isn't funny, but it generates a considerable amount of suspense setting up Rasputia's next horrifying appearance. Even when she's not in the frame, her presence is felt in every corner of every room. Perhaps the filmmakers should have opted for a Halloween release, where Rasputia could take her rightful place among the season's ghouls.

NORBIT - One and one half stars

(PG-13: crude and sexual humor, some nudity and language)

Starring: Eddie Murphy, Thandie Newton, Eddie Griffin, Cuba Gooding Jr.

Director: Brian Robbins.

Running time: 1 hr. 42 min.

Playing: In wide release.

In a nutshell: This fat lady doesn't sing.

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Photo:

It's Eddie Murphy as both the nerdy title character and his beloved Rasputia in the extremely unfunny "Norbit."