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Dr vernon's Casebook: My sexy wife clicked as a camera club nude model.



Byline: DR VERNON COLEMAN

QA FRIEND asked my wife if she would stand in as a nude model at his camera club, because the one they'd booked had backed out. My wife asked my opinion and, as I didn't mind, she agreed. I went with her as a chaperone chaperone /chap·er·one/ (shap´er-on) someone or something that accompanies and oversees another.

molecular chaperone
 - and because I was turned on by the idea of strangers photographing my wife.

The model turned up after all. But my friend asked my wife to pose as well. Just as I was getting turned on by the idea of her posing with another woman, I learned it was a hunky hun·ky 1  
n. pl. hun·kies Offensive Slang
Used as a disparaging term for a person, especially a laborer, from east-central Europe.
 bloke. I could see he admired my wife's figure but he behaved like a perfect gentleman.

Now one of the photographers wants my wife to star in a movie he is making. We are keen and he says he'll pay her a fee. What do you think?

ATHE ATHE Association for Theater in Higher Education  movie is more likely to be Briefs Encounter than Brief Encounter and there's a pretty good chance it will be a blue one. Find out beforehand exactly what your wife will be expected to do. Since your wife is being hired for her body rather than her acting skills, nudity is pretty obviously going to be expected.

But will she be expected to have sex with her other stars? The two big questions are: What do they want and how far does she - and you - want to go?

QI REPRESENT a group of livestock farmers who feel you have probably done as much as anyone to damage the interests of British farmers. Your name is mud here. I hope you feel ashamed of what you have done.

AIT is a great delight to me to see some farmers suffering financially. One sincerely hopes the Government will remain as stony-hearted to their pleas for special treatment as the farmers have remained when they have been begged to treat the animals in their care with more respect.

QMY husband got into debt with two bookies. He then forced me to sleep with them to pay them off. He told me that if I didn't, they'd break his legs and he'd give me a good beating.

The worst was I enjoyed it. The sex was raw, exciting and much more satisfying than anything I've ever done with my husband.

We do it once a month, it's over in less than five minutes and he just falls asleep and leaves me lying there frustrated.

These men made sure I enjoyed it too. Both want to sleep with me again and I am very tempted.

AYOUR husband forfeited the right to your respect when he asked you to sell your virtue to save his legs. He is a bully and a disaster as a husband.

If you give in to temptation your marriage will be a sham. But it's not Marriage of the Year as it stands. Dump him and scamper off with one of the bookies.

QWHY are phone boxes grey? The red ones were distinctive and easily spotted. Last week a man collapsed and I wasted valuable time looking for a public phone box when there was one just 50 yards away, which I hadn't noticed.

AEVA AEVA Australian Equine Veterinary Association
AEVA Australian Electric Vehicle Association
AEVA Advanced Extra Vehicular Activity (NASA)
AEVA Alberta Equestrian Vaulting Association (Canada)
AEVA Asset Economic Value Added
 Legova (48-22-46), my most unreliable source, suggests British Telecom may have camouflaged all its phone boxes by painting them grey, because it is embarrassed about its obscenely high profits. Making phone boxes difficult to find reduces the number of calls made and helps keep profits down to levels which don't arouse too much ire among customers or politicians.

QMY new boyfriend cannot get an erection. I have tried everything without success. It is very frustrating for both of us. He drinks a lot. Do you think this could be the cause?

AALCOHOL and many other drugs can cause impotence. Stress and anxiety can cause it. And it is not uncommon for men to have difficulty when they are in a new relationship, because they are anxious to perform well.

Ring my advice line on impotence 0901 560 7858 (calls cost 60 a minute, UK only).

QMY mother takes Distalgesic, but doesn't know why. She's swallowed a dozen or more tablets a day for 15 years. She gets her pills on repeat prescriptions. She hasn't seen a doctor for years. Indeed the one who originally prescribed it retired seven years ago and she hasn't seen his replacement.

ASHE could well be hooked on it. The doctor who has handed out prescriptions for seven years to a patient he has never met is a disgrace to what is laughingly known as the medical profession. In any civilised country he would be put in the stocks and subjected to a daily barrage of rotten fruit and vegetables.

For information about possible side effects relating to Distalgesic (aka Co-Proxamol), see my Faxback lines below.

QI'M ashamed to admit I sneaked a look at my 16-year-old daughter's diary and was astonished to find she is having a very active sex life.

I wouldn't dare say anything to her - she'd never trust me again - but reading about what she's getting up to reminded me of the fun I used to have. Her diary turned me on. My sex life with my husband has been in the doldrums for several years.

How do I persuade my husband to get interested again? And how do I explain my renewed interest in sex? I can hardly tell him about the diary.

AWAIT until your daughter is out for the evening, rent a saucy video, buy a bottle of wine and a pair of stockings - and a suspender SUSPENDER, Scotch law. He in whose favor a suspension is made.
     2. In general a suspender is required to give caution to pay the debt in the event it shall be found due.
 belt if you haven't got one - and tell your husband you've decided it's time you rediscovered your lost love life. For more on this subject telephone my advice line How To Make Sex Better 0901 560 7852 (calls cost 60 a minute, UK only.)

QRECENTLY I got a good job as a departmental manager and when my boyfriend picked me up he wanted to look around the offices. Everyone else had gone home so I took him on a short tour. I don't know why but having him there with me made me feel very randy.

I stripped off and we ended up making love on my desk. But I forgot the security cameras! Now everyone has seen the video which shows absolutely everything.

Do you think what has happened will affect my authority with the staff?

AONLY if you let it. Don't try to pretend nothing has happened but do make it clear that it doesn't matter a damn what anyone else thinks.

And if anyone - and I mean anyone - regards what happened as a weakness to be exploited, then come down hard on them very quickly.

Look on the bright side as well. You have proved that you are a very human boss. With a very nice, very pink bottom. OK! OK! I didn't mean that. Sorry.

FREE! The book that is too hot for shops

HEALTH MEMO

I EXPLAINED in July that I was in a difficult position because bookshops had refused to stock my book, The 101 Sexiest, Craziest, Most Outrageous Agony Column Questions (And Answers) Of All Time.

It was banned because it is too rude.

It contains the unedited, unexpurgated unexpurgated
Adjective

(of a piece of writing) not censored by having allegedly offensive passages removed

Adj. 1. unexpurgated - not having material deleted; "volumes of the best plays, unexpurgated"- Havelock Ellis
 sexy stuff from my columns of the last seven years.

The questions were selected by the Welsh Princess who had access to my original columns - before lawyers and sub-editors made them acceptable for a Sunday newspaper.

I'm delighted to say that she blushed for a month afterwards.

The book is definitely not for the politically correct, the unduly sensitive or the faint-hearted.

Since I couldn't sell the book I decided to give it away to readers.

The response was phenomenal. So many of you wrote in to claim your free copy that I ran out of books. I didn't think sending back cheques would be a decent thing to do so I ordered a reprint.

You can guess what happened. I reprinted vast numbers of the book and sent copies to everyone who wanted one. And now I've got some left over.

So I'm back where I started.

The book, published by Blue Books at pounds 9.95, probably breaks a fistful fist·ful  
n. pl. fist·fuls
The amount that a fist can hold.

Noun 1. fistful - the quantity that can be held in the hand
handful

containerful - the quantity that a container will hold
 of New Labour rules and regulations.

To obtain your free copy, just send your name and address and a cheque or postal order for pounds 2.95 (made payable to Publishing House) towards the costs of postage, packing and handling to: Dr Vernon Coleman's Free Q&A Offer, PO Box 30, Barnstaple, Devon EX32 9YU.

If you are brave enough to send for a free copy, I suggest you hide it in the garden shed and deny all knowledge of it, if the police come round.

Books will be posted in plain envelopes.

Offer valid for one month.

COMMENT

WHEN the Welsh Princess and I got on our train we were looking forward to a relaxing few hours, a snooze and lunch.

But the journey was a nightmare. We sat opposite parents from hell who allowed their children to scream, bang, shout and whinge whinge  
intr.v. whinged, whing·ing, whing·es Chiefly British
To complain or protest, especially in an annoying or persistent manner.
 every minute of the journey.

They had brought enough baggage to sustain an entire school for a fortnight and every time the train lurched we were showered with bits of food and small toys.

The parents probably excused their children's bad behaviour by claiming they suffered from the non-existent - but very useful for incompetent parents - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), formerly called hyperkinesis or minimal brain dysfunction, a chronic, neurologically based syndrome characterized by any or all of three types of behavior: hyperactivity, distractibility, and impulsivity. .

We moved seats.

Parents like these seem to believe it is their right to expect everyone else to put up with their ill-behaved children.

And to a large extent it's our fault. We reward people for having children and punish those who do not.

However rich, parents are given government cash in child benefit to subsidise the cost of educating, clothing and feeding their children. This is crazy.

Parents shouldn't get hand-outs. On the contrary, they should pay an additional tax for every child they have.

Then, maybe, they would show greater responsibility - because we never really value that for which we do not have to pay.

STRANGE BUT TRUE

A QUARTER of Americans are clinically obese.

AN Italian student has patented a condom fitted with a microchip. It warns of any tear during sex by playing music by Beethoven.

IN Thailand, it is illegal for a woman to leave home without wearing knickers.

FRENCH millionaire miser Samuel Tapan hanged himself in 1934 but not before haggling about the price of the rope he bought.

AROUND 6.3 million motoring offences are committed every year in Britain.

THINGS THEY SAY

IF it weren't for the optimist, the pessimist would never know how happy he isn't.

- Anon

DRUGS - THE REAL FAX

HAVE you tried my new Faxback service? If you want to know more about a drug you are taking, including possible side-effects, dial the appropriate number for an immediate fax report, plus 15 tips for patients taking prescription drugs and seven questions to ask your doctor before taking a drug.

Adalat 0906 752 4101

Amitriptyline amitriptyline /am·i·trip·ty·line/ (am?i-trip´ti-len) a tricyclic antidepressant with sedative effects; also used in treating enuresis, chronic pain, peptic ulcer, and bulimia nervosa.  0906 752 4102

Aprinox 0906 752 4104

Atenolol atenolol /aten·o·lol/ (ah-ten´ah-lol) a cardioselective ß used in the treatment of hypertension and chronic angina pectoris and the prophylaxis and treatment of myocardial infarction and cardiac arrhythmias.  0906 752 4103

Ativan 0906 752 4113

Bendrofluazide 0906 752 4104

Brufen 0906 752 4112

Co-Proxamol 0906 752 4108

Colpermin 0906 752 4105

Diazepam diazepam /di·az·e·pam/ (di-az´e-pam) a benzodiazepine used as an antianxiety agent, sedative, antipanic agent, antitremor agent, skeletal muscle relaxant, anticonvulsant, and in the management of alcohol withdrawal symptoms.  0906 752 4106

Digoxin digoxin: see digitalis.  0906 752 4107

Distalgesic 0906 752 4108

Dothiepin 0906 752 4109

Feldene 0906 752 4110

Fluoxetine Hydrochloride 0906 752 4118

Gamanil 0906 752 4111

Ibuprofen ibuprofen (ī`byprō'fən), nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drug (NSAID) that reduces pain, fever, and inflammation.  0906 752 4112

Lorazepam lorazepam /lor·a·ze·pam/ (lor-az´e-pam) a benzodiazepine used as an antianxiety agent, sedative-hypnotic, preanesthetic medication, and anticonvulsant.

lor·az·e·pam
n.
 0906 752 4113

Losec 0906 752 4114

Mogadon 0906 752 4115

Nitrazepam 0906 752 4115

Omeprazole 0906 752 4114

Orudis 0906 752 4116

Piroxicam 0906 752 4110

Propranolol propranolol /pro·pran·o·lol/ (-pran´o-lol) a ß, used as the hydrochloride salt in the treatment and prophylaxis of certain cardiac disorders, the treatment of tremors and of inoperable pheochromocytoma, and the prophylaxis of migraine.  0906 752 4117

Prothiaden 0906 752 4109

Prozac 0906 752 4118

Ranitidine ranitidine /ra·ni·ti·dine/ (rah-ni´ti-den) a histamine H2 receptor antagonist, used as the hydrochloride salt to inhibit gastric acid secretion in the treatment of gastric and duodenal ulcer, gastroesophageal reflux disease, and  0906 752 4119

Temazepam temazepam /te·maz·e·pam/ (te-maz´e-pam) a benzodiazepine used as a sedative and hypnotic in the treatment of insomnia.

te·maz·e·pam
n.
 0906 752 4120

Tenormin 0906 752 4103

Valium 0906 752 4106

Zantac 0906 752 4119

Instructions: Dial the number you require from a fax machine using the handset where possible. Press the "start" key when asked and then replace the handset. If your fax does not have a handset dial from the keypad using on hook dialling or polling mode. If you have difficulty dial the Fax Helpline 020 7412 3795. Faxback calls cost 75p per minute at all times.
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Title Annotation:Features
Publication:The People (London, England)
Date:Dec 10, 2000
Words:2026
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