Dr Miriam - Husband 'rapes' me while I sleep; LETTER OF THE DAY.
Dear Miriam ABOUT once a month, my husband tries to have sex with me during the night without bothering to wake me up.
I usually find him rubbing against me and pawing me and I have to push him away. Sometimes I wake up to find him on top of me.
To me, this isn't making love. I've told him how I hate it and how I feel I'm being raped.
It's not as if I deprive him of sex.
We have it at least three times a week - more when he's sober.
Do you think his drinking could be the problem? Usually he can't get an erection after he's had too much but a few hours later, when he's slept it off, he's raring to go.
I detest him for treating me like a sex slave. There's not an ounce of pleasure in it for me. How can I make him stop?
BOTH people need to be awake and fully conscious to consent to sex. Anything less is unacceptable. The sexual interaction you describe is unhealthy and hurtful.
However, I wonder if your husband is awake when he's doing this? I ask this because sleep sex is a term coined by US scientists to describe a phenomenon which can cause people to commit sexual acts on themselves or their partners while asleep.
The condition can range from disruptive moaning to unwanted, and sometimes violent, sexual advances to their partner.
Apparently, no matter how serious their night-time behaviour, next morning these people don't remember what they'd done. Scientists believe the condition is caused by a sleep disorder combined with emotional problems.
If he's awake, there's no excuse for using your body for his sexual release. That you are asleep is a sign you don't want to be disturbed and these unwanted sexual advances are out of order. If he does wake up with an erection, he can take care of himself through masturbation.
This behaviour is potentially a deal breaker in your relationship, so be firm in setting limits and taking care of yourself. If necessary, when he goes to bed drunk, sleep elsewhere until he gets the message you're not there for his convenience.
TURN OFF: But is there a medical disorder?
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|Publication:||The Mirror (London, England)|
|Date:||Jan 13, 2006|
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