Done right, 6" x 9" can sell. Done wrong--well, here's Dog Watch.

Ed Nash is one of the giants of direct marketing (check him out at www.ednash.com). Years ago, I heard him say that a 6" x 9" envelope is a dead giveaway. It is always advertising mail.

Ever since then, I have looked. Ed's right. I haven't found an exception. My own tests with 6" x 9" were inconclusive.

The current 6" x 9" effort from Dog Watch--published by the Cornell University Hospital for Animals--makes no attempt to disguise itself. It shouts with teaser copy. The package contains some distinct pluses but more minuses, in my opinion.

The minuses

* The envelope copy. "Reply within 9 days--please." Does anyone believe this or do we risk insulting the prospect's intelligence? And the picky prospects will note the letter P.S. says the traditional "10 days."

* The preprinted postal indicia is my least favorite. Surely, U.S.P.S. must have a stamp with a dog on it that could have been used.

* Questions and answers.

By my count, the carrier, the sales letter and a buckslip insert pose more than 60 questions about your dog. No answers. Zip. Nil. Bupkus.

I'm not sure if most or all of these are answered in the newsletter at some point, but I really like giving prospects some information now, implying how much more you have for them later. Or, put a bunch of the answers together in a premium. "See page 16 in our FREE report," and so on.

* Chintzy. The FREE issue is only free if you don't like it enough to subscribe. Otherwise, it folds into the annual subscription. When he was at IOMA, David Foster made a copy point of the free issue being really FREE. "When you subscribe, you'll receive 12 more intelligence-packed monthly issues."

* The brochure. I'd test dropping this. It restates the credentials copy and includes black-and-white photos of the assistant dean and seven faculty veterinarians, but I'm unsure how effectively it adds to the selling message of the package. Also, the headline on the brochure reads:

"As the head of the Cornell University Hospital for Animals, I am proud to say: Cornell's faculty are among the best in the world to consult about your dog's changing health, behavior and nutritional needs."

Perhaps the first rule of copy-writing I was ever taught is: "The prospect does not care what you think about your newsletter."

* More disbelief. "Only a limited number (of the free issue) will be printed." Give me a break.

The pluses

* Credentials copy. Big plus here. Flaunt 'em. Cornell "The first university in America to award the Doctor of Veterinary medicine degree back in 1876." The leader in the development of. ..." "The first practical program to control. ... "The center of upto-the-minute research in. ... "

* Strong guarantee. " ... we will refund your subscription price, no questions asked." (One publisher uses "no hassle" because the CSR might want to ask questions along the lines of "What didn't you like?" or "What do you believe you didn't get that your were expecting?"

* A postage paid reply envelope. Another plus. Don't make the prospect hunt for a new 42-cent stamp.

* The order form is a FREE ISSUE Certificate. Good. It also has a sticker as an involvement gimmick. But gimmick or not, pros insist they work. This one is green and my mentor Rene Gnam would say, "No, no, no. Green is the color of money (in the U.S.) and it subliminally reminds prospects that you are attempting to part them from some of it."

Easy to fix

Overall, we're looking at four plusses and six minuses. It would have taken little time and no money to drop the bogus deadline and "limited number available" copy and make the free issue actually FREE. Then it would come out as eight to two on the plus side.