Does your prayer have a prayer?

When I first engaged with Christian groups in Oxford, I was both titillated and shocked by their additions to petitionary prayer. Individuals asked Saint Jude and Saint Anthony to get them through exams or find lost earrings. God was constantly presented with a summary of the daily newspapers and asked to put this country or that country to rights. A drug addict told me how he had found God and nothing bad could ever happen to him. They all seemed so confident and directed me to the Bible to firm up their faith.

Well, I did consult the Bible and didn't get the same sort of message. It is true that the Torah, the five books of Moses, said that if you did what God told you, your crops would increase and your stocks go up. And if you didn't, you would end up bankrupt. In other words, the good life would lead to good living.

But life did not work out like that, even then; and the Psalms, Job, Isaiah, Daniel, and Ecclesiastes (and the New Testament, too) were trying to work out why the righteous aren't rewarded or the wicked punished in any way we can see. Moses, despite the strength of his prayer, wasn't allowed to enter the promised land and Jesus had to drink the cup that no prayer could take from him. Christian texts were less sentimental than Christian practice.

Happy-clappy prayer I found off-putting because I was a member of the Jewish generation that had witnessed the Holocaust. It seemed such a trivialization of its enormity. Through the 1930s and 1940s I used to think about the wagonloads of human misery making their way to the concentration camps. Those wagons were not just stuffed with the victims, they were stuffed with their prayers, too, and what good came of them? Not anything I could discern. Of course, disasters were not new to Jewish life, but the madness and sadism of this one were unique: it passed all human understanding.

That girl did find the earring she prayed for. What should I think about a God who didn't save our 6 million but found her earring? Something was wrong somewhere, and sentimental prayer was no longer sweet but misleading and dangerous--and, I suspected, an avoidance of adult responsibility in artificially prolonged childishness.

The same self-deception took place in Jewish circles, too, as I soon found out after my return to Jewish communal life. At a meeting to support Israel during one of the interminable crises in the Middle East, a rabbi got carried away by his own rhetoric and announced to the delight of the crowd that God would never forsake his people, nor Jerusalem, his holy city. An Israeli brigadier sat on the platform and our eyes met: he looked as cynical as I felt. God must certainly have changed his behavior, because he had allowed his people and his city to fall time after time. Why was this crisis different?

Now, I am not trying to depress you or myself, just trying to find out a way for myself to pray after the Holocaust and what to pray for. The following bits have helped me.

Though philosopher and writer Simone Weil annoyed me intensely because of her arrogance with regard to Judaism (she annoyed lots of other people too in lots of ways), one thought of hers stuck in my mind: that the only power God has in this world is the love he inspires in us. That's the only power on offer. That does make sense of the Holocaust experience and the martyrs it produced, such as Anne Frank, Etty Hillesum, Janus Korczak, the Carmelite Father Titus Brandsma, and Franz Jagerstatter. I have met the power of that God-induced love and I believe in it.

I also believe that we are the hands (perhaps the only ones) God has in this world to express that power. In which case, "Why doesn't God take a hand in it?" becomes "Why don't we take a hand in it?" and then "Why don't I take a hand in it?" and prayers cease to be sighs and wishes but hard boomerangs that bring back the responsibility to us.

One thing I learned from Christianity was to make God present imaginatively, perhaps really, in the situations of my life. God was "the friend of Abraham" and he became my friend, too. I sit him so-to-speak amongst the gathering when I am chairing a meeting. I remember him just before I go on the air to broadcast.

I learned in Quaker services that though God does not turn the world inside out to suit my convenience, he does turn me inside out. Problems I wanted to get rid of I now see as opportunities. I learned from Saint John of the Cross to see doors in blank walls and lean on nothingness, trusting it would support me--and it sometimes did.

Earlier this year, when it looked like we were lurching to a no-win war in the Middle East, there was an increase of prayer. I wasn't sure what to do; I honestly wasn't sure what it all was worth. Nearly every army in the time of the Holocaust was blessed by some religious establishment or other--Nazi, Fascist, Stalinist, and democrat. I was sure Saddam Hussein, too, was getting his blessings from every place of worship in Iraq. Finally, I just decided: I'll try to make God present to me and see where that leads me.

Each month, advance copies of Sounding Board are mailed to a sample of U.S. CATHOLIC subscribers. Their answers to questions about Sounding Board and a balanced selection of their comments about the article as a whole appear in Feedback below.

RELATED ARTICLE: FEEDBACK

Q. In prayer, what do you typically ask of God?

For the grace to be fully present in all that I do. To be open to God's will.

Stephanie Ratte Essex, Vt.

Guidance in my ministry to students. Peace for our world.

Father Gerard Francik Emmitsburg, Md.

Health and happiness for my family and friends--and an end to child abuse and human suffering.

Bonnie Johannemann Madison, Ala.

I ask for peace, a general shift in world attitudes toward love and family values, and for my family's protection. I belong to a prayer chain at church and pray various petitions, usually regarding people's health.

Constance Taschner Walnutport, Pa.

To let me see others through the eyes of Godrather than through my own. "Please use me so that others can see your love and peace."

Name withheld Mobile, Ala.

My prayer has changed over the years as I experience life and all its joys and difficulties. Today, I pray for acceptance of God's will in my life, and it has truly changed me.

Deacon Ed Lazarek Benicia, Calif.

To help me see situations in my life more clearly; for strength; for others, for their peace and wholeness; that we may see the Spirit of the Lord working in our lives.

Gina McGrath Coxsackie, N.Y.

Peace of mind.

Bob Jones Jacksonville, Fla.

To help me understand and accept someone whose ways are so different from mine.

A.L. Sage West Allis, Wis.

Usually patience in dealing with a father who is bedridden and very ill; for the poor, especially those I know from my work and from my time in El Salvador; and to trust God's love more.

John A. Donaghy Ames, Iowa

Q. How has prayer changed you?

I wouldn't know. I had 16 years of Catholic education and, thus, had to pray even when I was not inclined to do so. Without prayer, however, I do know that I'd be a despondent monster today.

Doris J. Costello Lexington, Mass.

Prayer gives me a calming peace of mind. I find that if I don't pray for awhile, I start feeling overwhelmed.

Eileen Pavlik Chicago, Ill.

By giving me confidence that my prayers are heard. By giving me a sense of calm in times of trouble.

Michael Maionne Verona, N.J.

I am far more aware of the needs of others around me.

Reen Gutgsell Jasper, Ind.

I believe I can ask God for anything. This gives me hope, which strengthens my faith.

Frank Creamer Albuquerque, N.M.

I have become more confident in making decisions after praying about them, and I am more willing to "step out"--to take a risk.

Pat Ruggaber Wheaton, Ill.

I have grown in my relationship with God, making Jesus more real to me and me more open to the Holy Spirit in my life. I have also become more content with my life, appreciating the simple things.

Christine Lovero Bolingbrook, Ill.

I have learned to accept that I cannot change everything that displeases me.

Elizabeth Bechtel Slatington, Pa.

I try to see the face of Jesus in each person that I meet.

Anna M. Melloni Somerville, Mass.

Prayer almost always changes my thoughts about things--or helps me see something from a different, more helpful angle. It also connects me to those for whom I pray.

Catherine Wedding Amarillo, Texas (via online)

It has made me even more aware of connections between us all and to God.

Martha Gozzo Manassas, Va.

It is the faith of others in their prayer--rather than my own--that has changed me. Nothing seems to unite people like praying together. The closest relationships I have are with persons with whom I have prayed.

Evelyn Duffin Alhambra, Ill.

It makes me aware of my need for God.

Father Bill Porter Emporia, Kans.

Prayer has become a deep desire to make my home in the Word. I have, over the years, grown into the Psalms.

Sister Mary Benet, O.S.B. Chicago, Ill.

No fear of the future, trust in God's love. This was put to the test this past Holy Thursday when the city was hit by a tornado and our house was over 50 percent damaged. Through it all, even at 85 years of age, I was at no time frightened or fearful of the future.

James P. Walsh Atlanta, Ga.

Prayer provides me with a sense of self-worth.

Felicia Perna Massapequa, N.Y.

Prayer has helped me realize that love is a choice and the need to forgive others.

Lois Hennessy Eustis, Fla.

Prayer has made me a softer person in a world that is often hard.

Dan J. Wright Austin, Texas

The more I learn to trust God, the less I worry about death: my own--and others'.

Lorraine Redig Winona, Minn.

With so many prayers answered--such as the survival of my wife after an automobile accident that left her with only a 50/50 chance to live, with the prayers of so many friends involved--a strengthening of faith has been inevitable.

E. J. Conner E. Marion, N.Y.

Yes, prayer has changed me--but not enough!

Francis C. Lavigne Massena, N.Y.

Q: How has your attitude toward prayer changed?

Before my mother's death to cancer, I always prayed "Please God, I want this or that." Her suffering taught me to pray, "You do what you think is best, and I'll try to accept it."

Christine T. Delisle North Adams, Mass.

By being hungry to pray more and more, and looking forward to daily Mass.

Ayoub Sabga Vero Beach, Fla.

God is loving me 24/7; prayer is when I pay attention.

Mary Bequette St. Louis, Mo.

I don't worry that I'm not praying anymore: I begin with the simplest prayer--"Thank you, God"--many times a day.

Lois Jenkins Bemidji, Minn.

I have accepted silence as an appropriate form of prayer.

Tonia L. Nemecek Albany, Ga.

I have been part of a prayer group and now truly believe that prayer works!

Marian Menapace Sunnyside, N.Y.

I surrender more.

Michael Emmet Omaha, Neb.

It's no longer "the duty" it used to be. It's a time of peace and strengthening. I now desire it.

Mary H. Trisko Arden Hills, Minn.

My prayer has moved from a thing I do to become a part of my being.

Michael Mazzochetti Rochester, N.Y.

Now I know that prayer does not exist to bend God's will to mine, but instead to bend my will to God's.

Martin Cordes North Platte, Neb.

Over the years, it has become more of a conversation rather than formal prayer. My prayer is ongoing, a conversation that goes throughout the day.

Willena Monroe Bangor, Maine

Q: What general comments do you have on this topic?

I don't think there is anything too big or too small to pray for. I think we should feel free to talk to and/or ask God for anything. He's in control and will only give us what is best for us, anyhow.

Cheryl Vaca Carrollton, Texas

I think we're like small children in a grocery store, and God is like our mother. It's OK to ask God for things, but we aren't "old enough" yet to understand why she sometimes says no. It may be for our own benefit or for the world at large; but if what we ask for does no harm, I think God is happy to give it to us.

Gerald R. Harp Athens, Ohio

I am no longer inclined to pray novenas or prayers to particular saints for help, though I feel that at certain points in my life they were appropriate. They put me in touch with prayer until I matured a little in my attitude. Sometimes lighting a candle is all one can do.

Nancy Shrum Truth or Consequences, N.M.

Most of my praying is not about asking for something, but being grateful for the gifts and blessings I have received--especially the gift of life.

Donald Gruneisen Pompano Beach, Fla.

Our free will complicates petitions greatly, and I believe God will not violate free will. Consequently, it is difficult to pray for changes in the world that do not go against a person's free will. Thus, I try to leave it all up to God.

Matthew Barnes Brentwood, Tenn.

Prayer is a conversation, a relationship with my creator and his son. The more time I spend in prayer, the "happier" I become as I get to know better the God who loves me.

Paul Macdonald Orange, Calif.

Prayer is communication: you should learn to listen just as much as you speak.

Name withheld Chicago, Ill.

Small faith-sharing communities are very supportive to an active prayer life. I enjoy sharing prayer with others: it really opens new avenues to prayer and prayer styles.

Pam Matras Woodridge, Ill.

I always thought I had a pretty good prayer life and was a compassionate, listening person. But our encounter with the big "C"-- my very healthy husband was diagnosed with a very deadly type of lymphoma on November 9, 1993--sure put: that in the ditch. Now, I have no control over my prayer life; it controls me, leading me where I need to go--sometimes kicking and screaming, but always with great affection. I no longer give lip service to somebody who is ill. When I say I'm sorry, I really mean it; and even when I'm no longer around that person, I find myself thinking about him or her and praying for him or her. Although a true introvert, I'm not embarrassed, now, to ask for prayers or offer prayers.

Shirley Schmidt Blue Grass, Iowa

RELATED ARTICLE: AND THE SURVEY SAYS....

1. I often find myself wondering whether God is listening to my prayers.

agree     24%
disagree  64%
other     12%

2. I think that sometimes God intervenes in human or natural affairs in direct response to prayer.

agree     82%
disagree   6%
other     12%

3. I see the benefits of prayer more in the love it inspires in me rather than in some supernatural intervention by God.

agree     73%
disagree  15%
other     12%

4. I think that prayer can change God's mind.

agree     26%
disagree  52%
other     22%

Statements giving under "other":

"I can't see myself changing God's mind. He knows all already."

"No, but it could change our mind."

"It reminds me of the saying, `Work as though everything depended on you, and pray as though everything depended on God.'"

5. Petitionary prayer for trivial things -- such as finding a missing earring--has no rightful place in Christian prayer.

agree     17%
disagree  68%
other     15%

Statements given under "other":

"It doesn't hurt to say a prayer of thanksgiving if you find entering."

"It's not my place to tell others what they should pray for. Maybe it won't help, but it couldn't hurt."

6. I sometimes ask the following individuals to "help me out" with a prayer request:

69%   An officially
      recognized saint
57%   A deceased friend or
      relative I've been
      close to
28%   Some other saintly
      person I admire who
      has died
67%   Living person that I
      encounter regularly--at
      church, at work, in my
      neighborhood
 7%   None of the above
10%   Other

7. On my own, I regularly pray prayers of petition for:

97%   My family and
      friends
93%   People I know who
      are ill or otherwise
      in need
61%   My enemies: those I
      resent, those I have
      grudges against, those
      who have wronged me
      in some way
90%   Myself
73%   People around the
      world in situations of
      conflict or distress
10%   Other

8. When my prayers are not answered, I usually:

44%   Accept it as
      God's will
50%   Try to figure out what
      Go is telling me
 3%   Blame myself for not
      praying hard enough
 2%   Get perturbed
      with God
14%   Other

Statements given under "Other":

"My prayers are always answered; I simply try to learn to accept God's timing."

"God answers all prayers. Am I listening to what he has to say?"

Note: in some cases, percentages don't add up to 100% because multiple answers were allowed.

All comments used in Feedback must be signed, but we withhold names on request. We regret that space limitations force us to condense letters and that many cannot be used at all. Our thanks to all who wrote. -- The Editors

By Lionel Blue, columnist for The Tablet, an international Catholic weekly magazine based in London. This piece is slightly adapted and reprinted with permission from the February 14, 1998 issue. (The Tablet, 1 King Street Cloisters, Clifton Walk, London, England W6 0QZ)