Dodging the happy slappers

It must have ruined Nick Clegg's holiday. He became leader of the Lib Dems seven days before Christmas. For three weeks he has had to fret about his first prime minister's questions. It's a terrifying occasion for a new leader, and would have caused a weaker man to choke on his silver thruppence.

In the past PMQs has destroyed Lib Dem leaders. Ming Campbell became skilled at putting Tony Blair in difficulties, but never recovered from his first, disastrous intervention.

And the thugs, parliament's skulking hoodies, were waiting for young Clegg. They were happy to applaud Vince Cable, the leader pro tem, because he wasn't standing for leader and would never be a threat.

But this guy could be around for years. What they wanted to administer was a happy slapping, with lots of mobile phone footage to send to their friends.

Clegg had seated himself two places down from the leader's traditional place beside the gangway. This put him between his runner-up, Chris Huhne, on one side, and Cable on the other. Seemingly he wanted to be "doughnutted" on television, flanked by friends - or at least colleagues - rather than being Johnny No-Mates at the end of the bench.

As a colleague of mine put it: "When the prime minister wakes up in the morning, he worries about what to do. When the leader of the opposition gets up, he worries about what to say. And when the Lib Dem leader is awake, he worries about where to sit."

In the event it went very well. Admittedly when he stood up he was greeted by sarcastic cries of "Hooray!" But that was as bad as it got. He had selected the right question - about pensioners who can't afford their heating bills.

Not even the most boorish MPs are going to jeer at that, at least not in public, while sober.

Then it turned out that far from being lonely, Clegg had a super friend. Gordon Brown does not have many of those at the moment and he wasn't going to let a potential little chum go. "I welcome the Rt Hon gentleman," the prime minister said, "and I look forward to working with him. I have said to him in our private conversations (camp "whoo" noises from the bullies) that there is an open door to him, and we are ready to discuss the major issues ... "

Or, to put it another way: "Please love me! Nobody else does."