Do you hear me now? Hearing is just the first part of listening. Here's how to tune in to being a good listener.

When Maria inquired about a shelf-stocking job at a local discount store, the manager looked surprised. Maria, who has cerebral palsy, is confined to a wheelchair. "I made it very clear that my chair wouldn't be a problem, and that I could work effectively," she remembers.

Although Maria scheduled an interview, someone contacted her beforehand to say the position had been filled. Maria believes her disability cost her the job, because the manager wasn't listening to what she was saying.

It doesn't take a disability to feel frustrated when what we say isn't understood or believed. Hearing is just the first part of listening. "Listening effectively is hearing and understanding what a speaker is saying and how it applies to you, and then remembering it for future use," says Carol Rosenthal, assistant director of the Academic Resource Center at Utah State University. But active listening takes practice.

When you know how to listen, you are able to show support for others and help avoid misunderstandings. You also avoid a situation in which you wrongly assume what a person means and feels. Being a good listener is essential to getting along with others.

Here's how you can tune up your listening skills.

The Eyes Have It

Speakers want it, and listeners benefit from it. The "it" is eye contact. Your eyes pick up on signals that show what the speaker is really saying.

Looking into the speaker's eyes and tilting your face toward the speaker show you're paying attention. Looking out the window or elsewhere in the room doesn't.

Encouraging Words

Good listeners encourage speakers to finish their thoughts. If the store manager had asked Maria more about her abilities instead of assuming the negative, Maria just might have been hired. Encouraging a speaker provides the chance to get the full story.

Reactions like "I see" and "Oh, really?" get the job done. As the speaker continues, the listener can try to figure out what he or she is really saying.

Non-verbal reactions, such as smiling, frowning, or laughing, also convey listening. Don't be afraid to look puzzled if you don't understand--a confused look can clue in the speaker that he or she needs to clarify what is being said.

Rosenthal adds that showing no energy at all is a negative. It sends the message that you're bored.

Focus on What's Being Said

"I can't believe I flunked the test," Bill says as he and his friend Jack walk home from school. "My parents aren't going to let me go to the game now. Do you think I should ..."

"Oh, that reminds me," Jack says, "I need to double check what time we're supposed to leave."

It's often tough to concentrate on what someone is saying because our focus is on what we want to say next, says Marion Couvillion, who teaches communications at Mississippi State University.

From a noisy room to a speaker with an accent, a cold, or a voice wrenched by tears, distractions work against listeners. Trying to figure out why the person is talking can help you focus, Couvillion says. Does he want help with a problem, as Bill did? Is she trying to persuade you? Is she simply passing along information? When your thoughts drift, ask yourself, "What's in it for me?" Rosenthal suggests. Find something of interest in what the speaker is saying.

Time to Talk

If you're trying to listen but you just don't get it, ask the speaker questions to clarify. "Are you saying that ...?" or "What did you mean by ...?" can help.

Once you think you understand, restate what you're hearing the person say, but in your own words, says Couvillion. This is your chance to show you've been listening.

Every speaker hopes for an attentive listener. Maria's wish is that people who listen with their eyes will also listen with their ears. She says, "If you see a challenge with your eyes, use your ears to verify."

The Conflict Listening Challenge

What do you do if a friend accuses you of gossiping about her? Or if a parent says you must stay home on Saturday night? Master listeners deal with conflicts by hearing the person out, reacting calmly, and focusing on the future.

Ineffective listeners tend to start arguing easily--making judgments before they understand, says Carol Rosenthal of Utah State University. "Hold your fire--don't judge too soon."

And let go of the need to be right, says communications expert Patricia Aqui at Washington State University. A better goal is to come to an understanding about each other's opinions and beliefs. You might, for example, not agree with your friend about what it means to gossip. Saying something like "1 can see how you would feel that way ..." shows you're trying to understand the speaker's concerns.

When the speaker is finished, repeat what you've heard using "I" messages. Just leave out any words or phrases the speaker may have said when angry that could add to the friction.

Brainstorming conflict solutions helps both the speaker and listener to move on. Look for places where you do agree. Then try to resolve the conflict and set ground rules for the future.

THINK ABOUT IT:

1. Your friend accuses you of gossiping. What questions might you ask the friend to find out more information? --

2. You want to go out with your friends on Saturday night. Your father says you have to go to your sister's play with the family. What possible compromises might you and your father come up with? --

OBJECTIVE

Students will be able to demonstrate effective listening skills to help resolve conflict.

REVIEW/DISCUSS

* How does the author describe the expression listening effectively? ("Listening effectively is hearing and understanding what a speaker is saying and how it applies to you, and then remembering it for future use." This will enable you to show support for others and help avoid misunderstandings that can arise from miscommunication and/or assumptions that people sometimes make.)

* Identify some of the skills of an effective listener. (facing the speaker and maintaining eye contact; encouraging the speaker to finish his or her thoughts and explain unclear ideas; using reaction statements, facial expressions, or body language that encourage continuation such as "I see" or "Oh, really?"; concentrating on what the speaker is saying, and what you may need to do in response; asking clarifying questions if needed; restating what you are hearing the person say, but in your own words)

* When there is possible conflict in a conversation, what are some ways that you can listen effectively without causing the situation to escalate? (Reserve judgment--don't jump to conclusions. Hear the other person's point of view; you may disagree with what the speaker is saying, while at the same time acknowledging that they have a right to those feelings: e.g., "I see how you might feel/think that." Using "I messages" when repeating back what you hear as their messages may help to relieve tension. Leave out inflammatory phrases that may have been used in the continuing discussions.)

ACTIVITY

As a writing and performance activity, this activity offers an ideal opportunity to work collaboratively with a colleague in your English/language arts department. Students will write and enact a skit.

Students often meet with guidance counselors in their schools to discuss academic progress and career aspirations. Ask them to imagine that they have been called in to meet with their counselor, who is discouraging them about choice of courses and/curriculum for the coming year. Have them write a scene--a mini-screenplay--in which the counselor informs them that their academic progress (or attendance issues, interests in the arts, athletics, some other concern, etc.) to date indicates they may not be successful with the courses they have chosen. Students, in their role as "student" in the scene, should write dialogue and stage directions (facial and body language cues) that will demonstrate effective listening and negotiation skills. For some guidelines and approaches to writing skit dialogue and stage direction, consult an English or drama colleague. Also, there are numerous resources on the Internet to help with the writing aspects of this activity, but urge students to limit their searches to sites that are educational or government-based.

News You Can Use

* Each state has a Department of Public Health and registers and supervises its health care providers. Using www.firstgov.gov, the U.S. government's Web portal, you can jump quickly to your state's Department of Health and find links to a state-level "DocFinder" or some other "license verification" tool. There are also many other Web sites that exist solely to disseminate information about health care practitioners.

* There are also many sites where consumers can access information about fraudulent health products and approaches to health care. A quick search using the terms "quack" or "health fraud" should yield an extensive return. One well-known site is Quackwatch[SM] (www.quackwatch.org/index.html). It is available in four languages, in addition to English.

* For an overview page on supplements with many links to recent developments and frequent questions, see the FDA site at www.cfsan.fda.gov/ ~dms/supplmnt.html.

* Be sure students explore various search engines to get the flavor of which give the best results when considering health-related information. This is a good time to review with your class the need to consider the providers of Web sites and their credibility.