Diary of a mad mini-golfer: while on a family outing, this author takes a swing at mini-golf and finds the true charm of the sport.

With a flipchart, pictures of the course, and a copy of Jack Nicklaus's Golf My Way, we review tomorrow's strategy one last time. Tomorrow we play the Anderson family. Beaten by them in bowling, basketball and Jai Lai, I felt confident our family could win the coveted title, "Grand Masters of Mini-Golf."

"All right, does anyone have any questions?"

Madison Rose, my 3-year-old daughter, raises her hand, "Daddy?"

"Yes Madison Rose?"

"I'm a princess."

Sigh. "Yes you are Madison Rose ... any other questions?"

It's Grayson's turn. At 6 years old he loves anything fast (NASCAR, Formula 1 Racing, tornados), "Hey dad, you think Jeff Gordon ever played mini-golf?"

I stare at him for a moment.

"Yes Grayson, he's probably played mini-golf. Now about our game plan ..."

"How fast do you think he plays? I bet he's real fast, huh?" Grayson's talking restrictor plates, Madison Rose is squeezing a tiara on a stuffed Shamu, and my wife Lisa wants to know if there will be any malls nearby. I think we're ready.

I get up early, eat a light breakfast and putt a few balls around the house. Swapping my Tiger Woods pajamas for a pair of neatly pressed pants, golf shirt and spikeless golf shoes, I sneak a peak in the mirror. Yes, I'm looking like a pro.

While taking my lucky putter and a dozen golf balls to the car, I notice my family walking out the front door. What the ...? They're wearing T-shirts, baggy shorts and flip-flops. "Hey! You guys can't go golfing dressed like that!" I make them go back inside and change into collared shirts, long pants and shoes.

Grayson asks Lisa why they have to dress for church on Wednesday. Lisa whispers, "I don't know, but since we do, we might as well pray that your Father doesn't embarrass us like he did bowling."

Running late, I park the car in time "Loading Zone." We spot time Andersons--dressed in T-shirts, baggy shorts and flip-flops. My family gives me time, "What a dork" look. Ignoring them I go pay the cashier.

She says, "Sorry, no personal putters or golf halls allowed."

"What?" Getting hotter than a bowl of chicken jambalaya I shout, "I spent over $200 buying this putter and balls for today!"

"With a look that says, "What a dork," (I get that a lot) she hands me a red putter and a ball shaped like a Cadbury Egg. With the Andersons and my family looking on, I decide I should set a good example. Reluctantly I give her my putter and golf balls to hold.

Why Mini-Golf?

In 2003, a total of 502.4 million rounds of mini-golf were played at roughly 5,000 courses in the United States. That same year, a total of 494.9 million rounds of golf were played at regulation golf facilities.

With the golf industry experiencing a decline in rounds, mini-golf may be the solution. People today work more hours, have less money to spend, have greater family obligations, and are intimidated by larger courses. Addressing these challenges, a typical round of mini-golf can be played in about 45 minutes, costs only $5 and can be enjoyed by family members of all ages. Regarding fear and intimidation, trying to send a ball 200 feet is much easier than knocking one 200 yards.

While windmills, castles, lighthouses and clown beads surrounded by Lilliputian greens still adorn many mini-golf facilities, the current trend of course layouts resemble mini-replicas of golf holes found around the world. Complete with sand bunkers, water hazards and elaborate landscapes, mini-golf course designs today resemble their ancestors of the early 1900s when mini-golf was considered a shorter version of regulation golf. In addition, many present-day mini-golf courses are certified by the American Disability Association, making golf accessible to all people.

Game Time

A coin toss gives the Andersons honors. Letting their kids Nicholas and Noah putt first, they barely make contact. Just as I'm about to say, "Madison Rose can putt better than that left-handed!" our kids jump in and putt. Grayson shouts, "C'mon Nicholas, I'll race you!" Looking more like hockey players in the final Stanley Cup game, they smack their balls all over the place. Somehow without injury they manage to get their balls in the hole. "Dad, I got a 246! Nicholas got a 174! I'm faster, huh?" Before I can answer, Grayson's off again. Jeff Gordon would be proud.

Christine and Lisa putt, followed by Chris who rolls his ball to about four inches from the hole. Show-off. I line up my putt and send my ball rolling. Tracking toward the hole I'm thinking, this could go in! But inches from the hole, this little girl, no, little thief comes out of nowhere, snatches my ball and runs off with it. "Hey! That's my ball!" I yell. Hopping the fence, tip-toeing through the take lava pit, and slashing through the plastic rain forest, I run after her. She drops my ball in the water and runs off giggling. I scoop my ball out and sludge my way back to the first hole. No one's there. My group has gone on without me.

Catching up with them, I place my ball down, line up my putt and notice it was getting dark. That's odd, I thought, darkness at 10 a.m.? I turn around and see the sun eclipsed from this very big man! He was wearing a Bob Marley T-shirt and a hat that said "War Pig" on the front. Gulp.

"Your daughter just took my ball!" he growled. I look in the direction he's pointing--it's the little thief!

"Kind sir, that's not my daughter. She did the same thing ..." but before I could finish, he reaches down, takes my pink ball and meanders away. I go after the little thief, but again she's too fast. Scooping another ball out of the water I return only to find that once again my group has abandoned me. War Pig, was now on the tee getting ready to putt. Hmmm, there's something familiar about his putter. "Hey, that's my putter!" I shout. Oops, that wasn't supposed to come out.

Missing his putt, War Pig storms over to me, "What's your problem, man?"

He snatches the ball I just retrieved from the water, picks up my pink ball and hurls it. Plop! Nice throw. Once again I hop, tip-toe, slash and run to get my ball out of the water.

Finding my group on the 4th hole, discouraged and very wet, I sit down to wring my socks. Christine putts, the ball rolls down the drain, comes nut the other side, and disappears: hole-in-one! "Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!" she's shouting. Jumping up and down and doing a very impressive imitation of the Tiger Woods fist pump, we all give her high-fives sharing in her excitement. And for a brief nanosecond, I forget feeling bad for myself. Seeing Christine so happy made me feel good.

And that's when I finally got it.

For the first time I became aware of the variety of people playing: couples, teenagers on dates and families. They all shared one tiling in common: fun! Even War Pig, who is now using his putter (my putter) like a protractor for figuring out angles, seemed like he was enjoying himself. Mini-golf is for the young and young at heart. It is about playing a game with family and friends and remembering that recreation is meant to be fun.

The Mini on Mini-Golf

According to the Professional Miniature Golf Association (PMGA), most mini-golf courses cost between $200,000 and $250,000 to create (some elaborate designs could cost as much as $1 million), Harris Miniature Golf Courses, Inc., one of the largest mini-golf course designers and builders, estimate that new mini-golf courses can gross $150,000 to $500,000 per year. The challenge is making a golf course that is fun for everyone. Make it too challenging and it will discourage younger golfers from wanting to play. If they don't play, then neither do their chauffeurs--moms or dads. But, make a mini-golf course too easy and players become bored.

Mini-golf courses today are also becoming part of larger facilities known as Family Entertainment Centers (FEC). These FECs include batting cages, driving ranges, video arcade rooms, skateparks, bowling alleys and go-karts. They host birthday parties, corporate events, leagues and tournaments. They provide full-service snack shops that serve pizza, hot and cold sandwiches, hamburgers and hotdogs (Hawaiian Rumble Adventure Golf in Orlando has a full-service Ben and Jerry's ice cream parlor).

Mini-golf facility owners/operators also create fun golfing experiences by altering the way the game is played as well. Consider the following suggestions for certain holes:

* Tee off by kicking the ball

* Play the entire hole as a team with everyone holding on to the same putter

* Play the hole without stepping on the putting surface (boards are strategically placed throughout the hole to step on)

* Play the hole putting opposite handed

* Play the hole using a 12-inch putter (provided)

* Play the hole using only one hand

Other best practices include the traditional free-round-of-golf for anyone getting a hole-in-one on the last hole or on a mystery hole. And offering discounted rounds for replays on the same day is a great way to increase rounds.

Back to the Links

The children make it to the last hole. They played so last it would have taken longer to rob a bank. Grayson's on tire windmill yelling, "Maddy! Hit it over here!" Madison Rose always happy to comply takes a backswing that would make John Daly cringe. Managing to get her ball airborne it ricochets off the windmill into the shrubs. Grayson sprints to get it, tosses it to Nicholas, who then places it a foot away from the hole. They all yell, "Nice shot Madison Rose!" I put my insurance card back in my wallet.

Now it's our turn. The last hole: the windmill. Chris, Christine and Lisa opt for the easy route putting their balls around the windmill. Wimps. I line up my putt, close my eyes and rap it. Thwack! It hits tire windmill blade and bounces back. I line up again, calculate when the blades will pass the entrance and send tire ball on a perfect line. Thwack! I tee it up again. Thwack! And again ... Thwack[ Like the final scene in "Tin Cup," I keep trying. Thwack! The adults are yelling at me to go around the windmill, while the kids are laughing hysterically shouting, "No, no, keep trying!" Thwack! Thwack! Thwack!

Ready to concede and wimp the putt around the windmill, the kids come up with a brilliant idea. They jam their putters between the blades stopping the windmill. With black smoke pouring from the back and the pungent smell of burning rubber, I putt the ball through the windmill. It drops in the hole: a hole-in-17! Releasing the blades the windmill attempts to resume its duty. Wobbling like a TV reporter in a hurricane, it starts to squeal in agony, beckoning the cashier to check it out.

"You broke our windmill!" she yells.

I can't resist, "Does this mean no free round for getting the ball in the hole?"

Her shouts along with the squealing windmill remind me of a root canal. I tell her to keep my putter and golf balls as payment. Laughing and giggling we head off to the ice cream parlor--my treat.

After recounting our mini-golf experiences for the umpteenth time, we accompany the Andersons to their car and say our "goodbyes." Waving as we watch them drive away, we walk over to our car...it's been towed, l call for a cab company and they tell me it will be at least 45 minutes before they can send a cab. Sitting on tire curb an idea comes to mind.

"Hey! You think they'll let us play again?"

Mad Mini-golfer's Top 5 Picks

Though these mini-golf courses might not be public, their brilliant themes and ideas keep customers coming back. Public mini-golf courses could take some lessons in looniness from these top five fun courses:

1. Par-King Skill Golf--located in Lincolnshire, III. By far one of the most unique mini-golf experiences. One hole features a 10-foot replica of the Sears Tower. Putt the bah in the entrance and an elevator takes the ball to the top, dropping it near the hole. Like roller coasters? One hole features a six-foot-tall by 20-foot wide rollercoaster that gives the ball a 30-second-ride before dropping it near the hole. Visit their Web site at www.parking.com (check out the Travel Channel video link!).

2. Ahlgrim Acres--Another one for Illinois, this time located in Palatine. Perhaps the strangest of any mini-golf course, this course is located below a funeral parlor! Featuring coffins and tombstones, this 9-hole golf course has all the accommodations to usher you into the after life. Play is open to the public, but not during funeral services. Check them out at www.roadsideamerica.com/attract/ILPALgolf.html.

3. Lexington Ice Center and Sport Complex in Kentucky features three unique 18-hole mini-golf courses that will challenge your biblical knowledge. Voted one of Travel Channel's Top 10 Miniature Golf Courses, each course features a biblical theme. Course 1--Old Testament; Course 2-New Testament; Course 3-Miracles. Find out how you can "play and pray" by checking them out at www.lexingtonicecenter.com/minigolf.htm.

4. Putting-Edge Glow-in-the-Dark Miniature golf centers are located at various locations. These locations are all indoors featuring year round climate-controlled experiences, and are all played under black lights that reveal artistic props and themes throughout. A very fun and surreal experience. Visit their Web site at www.puttingedge.com. Take their virtual tour and see for yourself.

5. Located in North Myrtle Beach, S.C., Hawaiian Rumble rounds out the top five. With an active volcano that erupts flames about every 20 minutes, this golf course was featured as one of the "golfiest, must-see places" in America by Golf Magazine. However, beware! When the volcano erupted, it sent my son into a panic, cutting our round short. Visit them at www.mastersnationalchamps.com/rumble.html.