Diabetes and me: one woman's battle with a life-changing menace.

When I think about it, my life revolves around food. I eat to live and live to eat. I eat to celebrate the triumphs in my life and mourn the sorrows. I eat to survive and socialize. So when diabetes became a part of my life, it changed my whole way of living. It altered how I thought and felt about food. In a single moment, the diagnosis of diabetes humbled me, forcing me to surrender to its life-altering presence. This is my story of how diabetes changed my life forever.

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Dtiabetes? Are you sure?" I asked the nurse again and again on the phone.

"Yes. I'm sure," she repeated.

I was in shock. I called back to the doctor's office twice to make sure they were reporting to the right patient. I was 25 years old and halfway through my first pregnancy when I received the diagnosis of gestational diabetes. I couldn't believe it. I wasn't your typical diabetic. I was thin and exercised three to four times a week. I ate a healthy vegetarian diet and had no family history of the disease. This couldn't be true!

After I purchased a blood sugar monitor and started testing my blood sugar levels, I became convinced. Yes, I was a diabetic.

I tried to control my diabetes with my diet. I eliminated all sugar and started to count my carbohydrate intake. I also started insulin injections, which finally got my blood sugar under control. The only thing that kept me going was the thought that, according to my doctor, once I had my baby this would all be over and I could go back to how my life was before insulin shots and watching every bite of food I put in my mouth. I found great strength in reading my Bible, praying, and leaning on God to get me through those months.

Temporary Joy

The day finally arrived and I gave birth to my beautiful, healthy baby girl. What joy! And, as promised, six weeks after I delivered, the diabetes went away. I was thrilled beyond belief and felt free of all the stress that diabetes and those insulin injections had caused in my life. It was a miracle of grace, and I, praised God.

About six months later, I began to feel sick again. I was extremely fatigued and could barely get out of bed. My muscles began to lose strength and I was struggling to open jars of baby food to feed my daughter. When my vision started to go blurry, I knew something was terribly wrong.

I'm a registered nurse and, after putting all my worsening symptoms together, developed a strong feeling that my diabetes may have returned. I made an appointment to see the eye doctor and she told me that my sight problem was very suspicious of the way diabetes works on the eyes. When I tested my blood sugar, sure enough, it was elevated, ranging 300-400 after meals and 150-200 in the mornings upon waking.

With a heavy heart, I called the doctor and she ordered a blood test called a Hemoglobin Alc. This time when the nurse called and told me that I had type 1 diabetes, I was not shocked. I was heartbroken.

After I hung up the phone I remember crying; sobbing until I felt I'd gone numb. This time I knew my diabetes was not going away. It could very well be a part of me for the rest of my life.

I called my husband at work and my parents and let them know what the verdict was, and they cried with me. It just seemed so hard to believe.

A few days later my diagnosis was confirmed, and I began insulin injections four times a day.

Inner Demons 

At first I felt very depressed and discouraged. I was angry at myself and angry at God. I couldn't understand why He'd let this happen. I felt I'd been forgotten and deserted. No one knew what I was going through. Although my husband and family tried to sympathize, they had no clue of my true struggles. My inner self and all of my inner demons kept telling me that I was unworthy and a failure.

I fought silently for some time until my anger began to be seen by my husband. I resented my family and friends and became obsessed with food; what I ate and what other people were eating--even strangers at restaurants. I felt jealous that other people could just put a bite of food in their mouth and never have to think about it or give themselves an injection. Diabetes began to consume my mental outlook in destructive ways.

Words of Love

One night, after I had put my daughter to bed, I came downstairs. My husband was cleaning up the kitchen from dinner, and he knew I'd been struggling. We began to talk and he said something very profound to me that changed my life that very moment. With love in his voice, he said, "You know it's because we live in a sinful world that you have diabetes. It's not because God has forgotten about you or because He doesn't love you. God does love you and He doesn't want you to suffer or have to have this disease. He didn't plan this for you or give this disease to you. Sin and Satan are the causes. As long as you live in this world you will be plagued by disease, and bad things will happen. It's the fate of us all."

At that very moment, I began to feel at peace. My husband's words were a blessing to me, and I praise God for him every day. What a wonderful partner I've been given to uplift me in my moment of deepest, darkest sorrow and spiritual need.

He was absolutely right. It wasn't my fault, or God's fault. It was time to put blame where blame really belonged. What a relief to begin to let go of that heavy burden!

In a matter of days, I became my old self again and felt I could reconnect my relationship with God. To this day, my husband doesn't know how he impacted my life that night. I know the Holy Spirit was hard at work giving him words to speak directly from God, words to help alleviate my pain.

Prevention Is Key

I truly believe that prevention is key when it comes to diabetes. If you have the power to prevent it, you should do all that you can to stop it from happening. Diabetes affects so many of your body's organs, including your heart, kidneys, and eyes. Unfortunately, there's little you can do to prevent type 1 diabetes because it's believed to be caused by a virus or an autoimmune response in your body. But type 2 diabetes is preventable by seeking sound health care if you know you're at risk.

My advice? Be proactive. If you're overweight, immediately start a sensible exercise program and see a dietitian to help you change your diet (see "Food to the Rescue" p. 16). I could definitely get on my soapbox and go on and on about diabetes, because I feel very strongly about it and hate the thought of other people suffering with injections and the devastating effects that diabetes can bring to your life and body.

If you already have the disease, I empathize with you. Maybe your story is similar to mine. Maybe it's completely different. The main thing for all of us diabetics to realize is to gain control over our blood sugar so we can minimize the damage it can cause to our bodies. That means testing our blood sugar frequently, using medicines if needed, watching our diets, and keeping our doctors well-informed of our progress. We still deserve to live a "normal" life and enjoy food just as much as the nondiabetic. But we have to be extra aware of how certain foods affect our blood sugar. With all the technology that's available today, help is within reach.

Living at Peace

Today I'm happy to say that I'm at peace with diabetes. Even better news is that my husband and I are expecting our second baby. My diabetes is under control. Although my life has been altered and I still have bad days, I know God continues to strengthen me and give me hope. I'm no longer a victim, but a survivor. I'll continue to live with diabetes until my faithful Lord comes to take me home to Heaven where I'll be forever free of all diseases.

Registered nurse Karene Bejarano lives with her growing family in Hagerstown, Maryland. Husband, Nick, is a marketing representative for Vibrant Life and several other Christian publications.