Der Fuhrer on the down low.

Just when I got old enough to start believing that there actually is nothing new under the sun comes the news that Hitler was living on the down low. Those of you who don't watch Oprah--and there can't be many, as she is now on twice a day in most places, guaranteeing you can take in an hour of her and an hour of Ellen--may need a brief update. Formerly a ghetto expression for any activity done on the sly or in secret, the down low has evidently become an entire lifestyle that has blossomed while white America's back was turned. A man is said to be living on the down low if he has a conventional home life--wife, kids, taxes--as well as a whole other life involving male sex partners--no wife, no kids, still taxes.

Oprah has become, the national charnel house for the down low. All sorts of guys have shown up to tall her how their lives are lived. They then drive away with a van full of lovely parting gifts, including Oprah T-shirts, which cannot be recommended to those hoping to continue to live on the down low.

The grieving or accepting wives can be seen too, although the grieving ones tend to get some of their own back by going on Jerry Springer, where screaming, hair-pulling, and clothes-rending are considered appropriate responses to any domestic crisis.

Oprah's down-low shows, which feature Oprah with mouth agape (a pose you won't see on the cover of her magazine), go into all the seamy details of this new twist on the old double life. For those who hate us already, it's just more grist for the mill. But at least it's a new mill. For the first time we are actually seeing a face of the black community that hasn't been seen before: the gay face, and not the proud one. More evolved humans see the down low for what it really is, a sad and compromised way of life for people facing multiple kinds of bigotry.

So in the midst of all this, it was really surprising to discover that Hitler was living on the down low. Of course, we don't know if it's really true. It may be just another in that rich vein of Hitler myth, which is being mined furiously while there are still people on the planet old enough to have been adults while Hitler was alive. Once they go, there'll be nobody left to spill any leftover beans.

So in one last orgy of confession or fantasy--you choose--a spate of German magazines and books have begun making claims that Der Fuhrer was fruity--but only in the most circumspect and clandestine orchards. An entire alternate life was allegedly constructed so he could dally with--I'm not sure who. Was anyone left after he killed Ernst Rohm and all those twinkles in the Brownshirts? Wasn't that supposed to have put an end to all that lavender in the ranks? Subterfuge, according to the latest tomes. In fact, it was all to protect Hitler's secret life. I mean, his down low.

It's not difficult to believe that some old Nazis with grudges would start this trash talk before they shuffle off this mortal coil. It's a bit dispiriting to think that this is the worst thing they have left to say about Hitler. But they are, after all, Nazis. And it's bizarrely ironic that anyone thinks that, after all we know Hitler did for real, this one last fanciful stroke will somehow besmirch his memory.

But it's really indicative of our times that someone thinks a charge of homosexuality can make us think less of Hitler than we already do or that it will make him loom larger as a monster than before.

I think this is the product--or the marketing savvy--of a modern rightwing mentality that thinks that with same-sex marriage already legal in some of Europe and gay life generally entering the cultural mainstream, why not a marriage of convenience between gay people and the 20th century's worst criminal? That might even shut up the audience at Jerry Springer for a minute.