Deciding to turn my back on the show I love so much took me two years .. but I'm ready for a new start; FERN BRITTON HER STORY DAY 1: WHY I HAD TO LEAVE.

Byline: BETH NEIL 

THINK of Fern Britton and you conjure up her friendly smile, bubbly personality and infectious giggle - you don't imagine her being scared of anything.

But on Friday, her 52nd birthday, Fern quit This Morning for good - ending her 10-year reign as the unrivalled queen of daytime TV.

And now she is facing an uncertain future that she finds both terrifying and exhilarating.

"You can't just sit and carry on with things the way they always have been," insists Fern.

"It's good to be scared and get yourself excited again.

"People are saying to me: 'Oh you're going to miss This Morning.' Of course I will. I'll miss the team, the camaraderie, the shared exhaustion and the laughter. It's like a family and it has been lovely. But it's time to explore new things."

Leaving the popular show, which has endeared her to millions of viewers, is a massive leap of faith for the award-winning presenter. And it also comes after Fern has weathered the worst spell of her career.

She was forced to take a break from the show last year - and make an on-air apology - after it was revealed that her dramatic weight loss was down to a gastric band.

There were also rumours of a rift with ITV bosses when they stopped her promoting her own clothing range. Even her close friendship with co-host Phillip Schofield was reported to be on the rocks when it emerged he earned three times as much as she did for co-hosting ITV's All Star Mr and Mrs.

Despite the controversies, fans were desperate for Fern, who will be replaced by Holly Willoughby, to stay.

Since she announced that she was quitting in March, the show's website has been flooded with viewers' messages begging her not to go.

Fern admits that deciding to leave her pounds 750,000-a-year job took more than two years of soul-searching.

She says: "One day I just thought, 'That's it, today's the day. I've thought about it long enough.' "It's a big decision, not taken lightly. I spoke to my husband, family and close friends at length before I took the leap.

"Obviously, I have a tinge of, 'I can't believe I've done it!' but whenever I've made a decision like this in life it's always been all right.

"Now I'm ready for the next chapter. This is my 30th year in television and the moment is right for someone else to have a go."

Fern joined This Morning in 1999, presenting the Friday morning show with John Leslie as hosts Richard Madeley and Judy Finnigan reduced their working week.

Her friendly interviewing style and the fact that, unlike most female presenters, she was a cuddly size 22, made her an instant hit with viewers.

So Fern was a natural choice to take over the role full-time when Richard and Judy left in 2001. Her onscreen banter with co-host Phillip - who joined two years later - helped make her one of the country's best-loved presenters. A 10-minute YouTube video devoted to the pair's fits of giggling attracted more than 80,000 hits. There is even a "Fern and Phil Make Me Happy" group on Facebook.

But it has not all been fun and laughter for Fern, especially in the past 18 months. Her troubles began last May over her plans to launch a clothing line for size 16-plus women.

She was said to be annoyed when her bosses at ITV deemed it a "step too far" and a "conflict of interests" and she threatened to quit.

A month later, it was revealed that her dramatic five-stone weight loss was not just down to exercise and healthy eating - but a secret pounds 8,000 gastric band operation performed in 2006.

Some viewers felt betrayed.

Fern admitted to the operation on air but show sources say this led to her sinking into a depression.

At one point, she walked out, refusing to return for several days after her holiday to allow all the fuss to die down.

Now a size 14 and in training for another charity bike ride, she is unrepentant about her decision to remain silent over the operation.

Fern says: "I knew it would happen, which is why I kept it quiet. I had no need to tell everybody. Then there was just a load of old nonsense written. These celebrity magazines enjoy writing rubbish.

"My children have even had to read that I'm about to die because I'm so malnourished. They come home from school and ask, 'Have you had a boob job?' "I'm apparently also an alcoholic. I have to go to Romania to have were together vitamin injections. I live on broth and I'm too weak to cycle. It's just ridiculous." More recently, there has been speculation that the sparkling onscreen chemistry between Fern and Phil masked a seething tension behind the scenes.

Sources claimed that Fern resented the fact that Phil was also presenting prime time shows like Dancing on Ice and The Royal Variety Performance while she was stuck in daytime slots. And she was said to be fuming that he was paid pounds 45,000 per episode of the quiz All Star Mr and Mrs - she got pounds 15,000.

But Fern was quick to dismiss the rumours, even mouthing the word "B*****ks" at the camera when discussing the so-called "rift".

Today, she bats away the suggestion that they are no longer friends.

She says: "Is it right that Phillip and I have had a row and that I'm cross I'm not getting paid as much as he is? No! None of that is the actual truth. People like to speculate, rather hurtfully. But Phillip is simply the best. His humour is filthy. We practise our big swearing in the morning so we get it all out - every word you can think of and then some we make up.

"When we first got together, we soon realised we were dangerous. When you're laughing so much that you can't speak you think you'll get sacked.

"It's hard to say goodbye to him and the crew. We have shared so much of our lives - marriages, births, divorces and more. They really are like family to me."

Fern to follow 'other dreams'

DON'T expect to see Fern back on our screens anytime soon. She insists she is in no rush to find a new job in TV.

For now she is just looking forward to life as a full-time mum to 15-yearold twins Jack and Harry, Grace, 12, and Winnie, seven, at the family's home in Buckinghamshire.

And also to spending more quality time with her husband of nine years, TV chef Phil Vickery.

Fern says: "I'm lucky to have Phil. But he's busy working his socks off and we don't get very much time with each other.

"We've been having to go through our diaries to see when we are both free.

a me "Now I have this fantasy that after the children have gone off to school in the morning and the house is quiet, Phil and I will be able to sit down over breakfast and have a chat.

"In September when the children go back to school, that's when my new life begins and I'm excited.

"The journey to work every day was between three-and-a-half to four hours. I was missing the children and not seeing much of Phil and not being mistress in my own home any more.

When I'm off, all I do is get up, take the children to school, nip down to the local supermarket, go home and hang the washing out, and I like that.

"I'm very lucky that I can still catch my boys because they're doing their GCSEs next summer. I'm ready to help them concentrate and all that stuff."

As for the future, she's determined not to make any rash decisions.

"I'm going to have all this time off to sit and think about what I want to do," says Fern.

"My plans are to create a vegetable garden, play the piano, paint, cycle, learn to speak Italian and follow other dreams. "I want to be mistress of my home and cook wholesome food for the children while smiling, instead of being tired.

"My career has been fantastic. I've learned a lot... so it's not as if I'll sit at home and cry if the phone never rings again. I'm at a wonderful peak in life, so I want to sit down and eat my picnic and look at the view. I don't want to keep climbing the rock face.

"I've come a long way and I want to enjoy life now."

TOMORROW

Howmy life as working mum nearly drove crazyON QUITTING SHOW Obviously I have a tinge of 'I can't believe I've done it!' but I'm ready for the next chapterON CELEBRITY MAGS Apparently I'm an alcoholic, I live on broth and I'm too weak to cycle. It's just ridiculousON PHILLIP SCHOFIELD He is simply the best. His humour is filthy - we soon realised we were dangerous together live too just More been Then there was

CAPTION(S):

LOTS OF LAUGHS Fern's warm personality captured our hearts DEVOTED With her husband Phil Vickery as guests on The Paul O'Grady Show, last year BOWING OUT Fern's last day BUBBLY On This Morning with John Leslie in 2002